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Post by RO on May 15, 2008 16:08:14 GMT -5
It's good to get these reminders - slipping back into it seems so easy in those quiet, painful moments. I will NOT let that happen...it is not an option. Sunshine, babe...let the sun shine. Your light is far too bright.
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Post by Phoenixx on May 15, 2008 18:08:34 GMT -5
I'm learning that. Step by step, moment by moment, loop by loop, till I get off the rollercoaster.
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Post by kittenhart on May 15, 2008 18:14:19 GMT -5
Maybe you should get rid of this letter too....not sure I would keep it around if it's going to make you feel so shitty.
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Post by Phoenixx on May 15, 2008 18:30:08 GMT -5
Oh, I did. Hurt like hell, but I tore it up.
What's weird is that I'm not angry. At all. Usually I have a great temper, but now - nothing. Whether that means I am letting go, or that its really final this time, or that it will kick in soon, I don't know. Feels like I don't know anything lately - but I'm doing okay. Apart from the little break-downs...I'm ok.
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Post by Phoenixx on May 18, 2008 8:40:47 GMT -5
Get out of my head. I'm sure you're not thinking about me. Why waste my energy on you when you have not spent any on me?
What a fruitless rollercoaster of thinking...
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Post by sheyd on May 19, 2008 10:12:01 GMT -5
So... what are you doing to get off the rollercoaster when it hits? Do you go along for the ride, or try to get off? Its YOUR head - you are the only one who can control it!
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Post by Phoenixx on May 19, 2008 11:44:08 GMT -5
Well, at the moment it controls me. I know I'll get there, just singular moments.
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Post by kittenhart on May 19, 2008 12:26:45 GMT -5
It will become less and less every day, until you will one day realize that you've gone a whole week without thinking about him at all...at least this is how it has turned out for me so far. This weekend has been a bit of a set back, but I expect that those will happen....holidays and annual anniversaries of events and birthdays are worse.....but it will get better, hun.
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Post by Phoenixx on May 19, 2008 16:03:12 GMT -5
I think so. It doesn't help his birthday is looming. But that will pass. I'm sure this will reach that path. My mind knows it. My heart just has to catch up...
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Post by sheyd on May 19, 2008 16:06:36 GMT -5
It will- you are doing all the right things - Keep it up!!!
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Post by RO on May 19, 2008 21:59:31 GMT -5
You will get there when you get there. You do not have to follow anyone else's path but your own. You are doing great. Keep taking chances...you have a wonderful and bright future ahead...you beautiful girl.
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Post by Phoenixx on May 20, 2008 15:59:23 GMT -5
Thanks RO
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Post by Phoenixx on May 20, 2008 16:02:18 GMT -5
S - how weird. I find myself looking forward to moving on, to flirting with others, to looking forward to the next person who gets my time. Don't get me wrong- I wouldn't touch 'love' with a barge pole for a very long time (if ever) but for now, I am excited about what (who) life will bring me. Yet, you. You are always there. Ever present in my thoughts. Have you become so ingrained within my thinking that now I just cannot think without you being there some way? I give myself kudos for at least considering someone else, even if its a nameless, faceless entity right now. That wasn't there a few months ago. So maybe thoughts of you will fade... I hope...
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Post by kittenhart on May 20, 2008 17:07:00 GMT -5
I had the nameless, faceless entity thing for awhile.....and now it's been replaced by a crush on an actual person (a pointless crush that won't go anywhere, but still I think it's a good sign)...it's good to at least be able to picture yourself with someone else.....little by little it will hurt less. You are doing great.
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Post by Phoenixx on May 20, 2008 17:08:59 GMT -5
Thanks Khart, its taken me so many months to actually even feel single, so I guess it is a progress....
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