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Post by kittenhart on May 18, 2008 16:06:04 GMT -5
yes I know....I'm a masochist. But the ex wants "his half" of everything, and he keeps mentioning we need to "get together" to sort through these. Right. Like that would go well. At first I was going to just let him take all the photo albums except for a few scrapbooks that I'd made of major things. Then, I got to thinking that when I'm old and grey, I won't have any photos of me in my 20's or early half of my 30's if I just let him have them all.....and that kindof pissed me off because I'm the type of person that actually enjoys looking back through old photos, usually......plus I'm the one who takes photos and I actually developed most of the B&W ones myself. The ex isn't one to even remember to bring a camera somewhere. So anyhow, here I am on a holiday long weekend, half a case of wine and 30 albums later wondering what the hell happened to us and how the time went by so quickly? (Also wondering why I always take the same perfunctory pics of Christmas trees and birthday cakes every single f*ing year....like that tree or cake is gonna look any different next year??) I still have 2 albums left to go and I've left them to last because I knew they'd be the worst and if I started with them, I'd never get this painful task done ......wondering now if this is worth it. If any of this has been worth it. But nothing to do now but continue on from here, salvaging what I can of what I thought was happiness.
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Post by crushy on May 18, 2008 17:45:06 GMT -5
I'm completely the opposite. I don't have my bridal portrait, a single picture from our wedding, a single pic of us as a couple. I gave all that crap to him because it made me sick at the time, now it just makes me sick I wasted so many years I could have been happy. The part about hooking up at 13 and marrying the guy at 20 is that you have NO idea what 'the man of your dreams' is because you have to make him fit. I am so much happier now and you will be too, K.
I envy people that keep mementos. I just chuck everything and have times I've regretted it. Not w/ my boys though...I keep special things, but made sure I gave everything away (cradle, crib, play pen, high chair, car seats....EVERYTHING) because I knew his wife was 35 and her husband shot blanks. Yep, they just had one in March and sadly enough, neither of my sons have even bothered to hold him. That concerns me. He's an innocent baby, but they just say, 'I hate babies'. I think my younger might show more interest, but he's really influenced by his almost 16 yr old brother.
Why torture yourself? Even before we divorced, I didn't look at pics or home movies because they made me sad. It was hard enough to store baby clothes, etc once my sons got older.
My ex is a sucker and he admitted to going through our old photos and aching when we almost divorced the first time. I was smart though because I never did combine our personal things and we didn't actually divorce for another 10 yrs. When he left, all I had to do was give him half of the holiday decorations and Pampered Chef since his wife has no clue how to cook. My ex-MIL cracked me up when she told me they were still using my old tableware. Hmm, I love my new stuff. ;D
I adore my sons and they are part their dad. He can't be all bad because they are awesome. I'd do it all over again to have my sons, but thank God I don't have to. W is incredible. I can't imagine even spending time in a car with my ex. Like my fiance has said, he's no longer my problem. I literally feel sorry for her, but she married up and he married down. I guess that's a consequence of taking another woman's husband...Thank you, N, thank you. At first I felt betrayed, but now I pity you...
I've got the better man. He's honest and has a conscience....something Troy has never had...
Don't feel so smug while with Troy as we attend my sons' activities...you're a loser and you're too stupid to even know it.
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Post by jules on May 18, 2008 19:04:15 GMT -5
oh, khart.... (((hugs)))
you are a braver woman than i. and only half a case? the model of restraint, as well!
wish i were closer to come help you finish the other half, and make some wiseass comments while you finish the job...
for what it's worth, when i see pics of the ex and i, i can't help but think "gosh they're cute. but those two people no longer exist." and it's true. and i know it's true of the woman and man in your albums.
make sure you give him the baby crap as part of his "half". nah, you probably won't because you're a lot nicer than i am.
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Post by redskyatnight on May 19, 2008 5:42:15 GMT -5
I have to say that I'm impressed that you put your photos in albums. I've just got shoeboxes full of pictures. I took half of them when we split. Can you give him the pictures you havent't gone through yet and be done with it?
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Post by sheyd on May 19, 2008 10:24:36 GMT -5
Yikes! Half a case is a lot of wine! If you have to do something like look at old photos, you might want to lay off the depressants. Alcohol will make the whole process so much worse than it has to be...
I went through old stuff this weekend, too. I cried a bit, grieved a bit for the old photos, the old cards that spoke of love and old pet names. You know what though? I wasn't sorry for any of it. I think I had forgotten that I WAS happy for a good part of those years. I am not sorry, I spent those years loved and loving. I could have spent them alone, and just as miserable as the ending made me. I am not even sorry for the ending, because of the world it opened up to me, I grew so much, loved so many more people - I found all of you, I found Harry. At the time of pain, we forget the good parts, or twist them into something bad when we don't need to. That time WAS good - it is just done, like high school or college or any other time that didn't last. Change happens, bad things happen, people change. If we are lucky and careful and work hard, we change together, and grow together. If not... life will move on, and good things will come if we let it, bad things will fall behind if we let them. I am not sorry for my past... and I am happy in my now - and know I will be ok in my future... even if bad things happen.
Shey
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Post by kittenhart on May 19, 2008 12:19:05 GMT -5
Thanks for listening, guys.....yah, 6 bottles of wine is alot for 3 days for me but I got the task done. Took about 15 hours after you take out all the breaks. I still have 3 DVDS I need to burn for him of videos but he has several he has to do for me, so I'm going to "hold them hostage" til he does....mature I know, but he could just do it already and then we could be done with it.
Having the pics in albums slowed it down a bit, but 10 of the albums were 3- ring- binder style, so I was able to just take entire sections of pages from one binder to another. I tried not to spend too much time being reflective on it all, but it was probably the most painful thing I've had to do so far for the divorce.
Now, his photos are all in a box by the door, so he can get them next time we exchange the pets....not that he'll appreciate the time that went into it. That I spent the long weekend doing this and "tying up loose ends" while he spent it water skiing out at the lake, is how it has always been for us.....and a big reason why we aren't together anymore.....I'm tired of it.
Anyhow....it's done! I actually feel very good today about my efforts to keep the continuity in my life (even if it just seems like a small thing) and added some photos of just mine -since the separation- of my place under construction and the cats & my little niece to the next pages in the book. Moving on.
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Post by RO on May 19, 2008 21:57:39 GMT -5
I am so glad you got through it but so sad to see you spent the long weekend doing this.
Congrats on taking ownership of your memories though and placing photos around.
I told you how I did it... lol.
I hope we can connect soon! I miss you.
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Post by kittenhart on May 20, 2008 0:11:19 GMT -5
I have one picture in my kitchen right now....it is of myself and a work friend that I'm not in touch with anymore. Me at around 23, maybe 24. ( in the uniform black tshirt, jeans and labcoat, before it became a uniform, when I still made an effort to look good....cute little barrettes in my hair.) So hopeful. So hopeful it's almost painful to look at the picture.... what the hell happened to this person? I guess sometimes the chrysalis is hard to get out of? I used to be more upbeat....some would have said odd or quirky...but at least happier. somewhere along the way I got really, really sidetracked. For the life of me, I can not remember why? I plan to get a new album next time I'm out.....just for new pictures.
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super
Full Member
Posts: 122
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Post by super on Jun 4, 2008 18:06:57 GMT -5
I haven't gone through my ten years of photos yet. Most of them are just in a box and just put everything else out of sight. My ex didn't seem to want any photos, and actually returned some of me that I didn't know he had. He was being his typical self, avoiding and trying to forget. I know that one day he will regret it because I have almost all the pictures from the last ten years, and one day he will wish he had some of them. Even just the ones of him, but also some of the ones of us and of his family. Too bad for him.
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