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Post by hoodieprincess on Nov 13, 2008 17:18:52 GMT -5
Several people suggested that I make a list and modify it as needed until I don't feel the need to really say much of anything...I started that list but I've lost them twice now as I am still unpacking and cleaning. So, this is going to be my new list... (It might be confusing because I am still wishy-washy some days. Some days I can't pick which side of the fence I'm on. Some days I'm angry, some days I'm sad, some days I am happy. Here goes I guess...) ~Yes, yes I am mad at you indeed. But no worries...It isn't because you left. It's because you're a coward. It's because you are a little boy and I'm mad at you for working so hard to prove you weren't only to act like it in the end. That may have made it sting just a little more. It pisses me off that you made such an effort for nothing. Really, what was the point? ~I am not really sure how this happend...Some days I am so mad at myself for letting you fool me. I can't believe I was so stupid! Everyone keeps telling me you were the stupid one...Even our mutual friends who aren't taking sides still say this will be your loss in the end. They told you. Then how come I feel like this? I shouldn't want someone who doesn't want me. I should really know better than to care. I think more than anything, I am just taken back and suprised still. It came out of nowhere and you acted like the person I never thought you could be. I guess you're true colors had to come through sometime? I just can't believe that me, the one who sees the signs before every else, who picks up on things others don't see until later, the over-perceptive person I am didn't see this coming... ~Seriously, so if your dad ever tries to talk to me, I'll try and bite my tongue. It might be the hardest thing I ever do. It's funny how I picked up on him from the start. I saw his game and I knew it was coming. I am just so shocked that after all this time, it still works on you...Well, you are his kid (and I am not using that word lightly). It takes seeing it from the outside to see it I guess. He said everything he said to get a reaction. He won. He got exactly what he wanted. He's a sad and bitter old man who manipulates the lives of others into what he wants. It's a shame that you'll never see it and live for you...At least it's going to be a long time...You'd have to actually open your eyes to it first. Wow...he won. There will be more...This is just my mind today...
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Post by hoodieprincess on Nov 14, 2008 13:43:41 GMT -5
~NEXT!! Ok, it isn't how I really feel but that mean and spiteful side of me just wants to be not nice and not sweet and not understanding or sympathetic to where he is. I just want to be like, "Ha, ha a-hole...You just moved out of the way for the next better one to come along."~Saw you're brother's house today...Hope you like sleeping on their couch because that's pretty much the only place you're nights not in your own bed will land you and you know it.
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Post by shattered on Nov 14, 2008 14:49:50 GMT -5
~NEXT!! Ok, it isn't how I really feel but that mean and spiteful side of me just wants to be not nice and not sweet and not understanding or sympathetic to where he is. I just want to be like, "Ha, ha a-hole...You just moved out of the way for the next better one to come along."~Saw you're brother's house today...Hope you like sleeping on their couch because that's pretty much the only place you're nights not in your own bed will land you and you know it. Excellent! There is no reason why you should have to be nice and sweet about this!
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comeawayfromit
New Member
I think there are pieces of me you've never seen
Posts: 31
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Post by comeawayfromit on Nov 14, 2008 14:56:24 GMT -5
Hoodie Princess, you are awesome. Not just because all of your quotes and personal things on here have Tori in them, but because you are getting out your anger and saying these things. I've written several letters to my ex too and it does help. It's nice to finally vocalize it isn't it? And if you're ever in Chicago, we'll go to a Tori show. Ever listen to Tear in Your Hand? It's the best breakup song ever especially if there's another woman.
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Post by hoodieprincess on Nov 18, 2008 17:55:12 GMT -5
~Just want to know if you're going to bail on M & J next weekend. I heard they invited you to their poker party. Please tell me you aren't going be be a coward because they invited me too. For a change, try acting like a grown-up. I've seen you pretend to do it for months so pretending for one night won't hurt you. I promise. You know, they never would have tried if they knew it would be like this...No, I am not talking about the not working out part. I am talking about the you being a chicken sh!t coward about everything. They both feel like they lied to me. It makes me feel bad for them. Honestly, I am sure I'm not going to go...Please be there. They need to know that you haven't picked your childish behavior over their friendship.
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Post by hoodieprincess on Nov 25, 2008 10:29:43 GMT -5
~Knowing this upcoming weekend I have no kids is starting to bother me. Sure, I'll fill my time. I have all kinds of friends trying to get me to go do things that are normally more difficult with the whole finding a sitter thing. Yet, somehow, I still keep thinking of how we'd talked about this weekend being our weekend. Thanksgiving is coming and I was supposed to have Thanksgiving with your family this year. It makes me kind of sad still knowing I won't (even if I didn't like your jack-ass dad and jack-ass brother). We were supposed to spend the weekend together this weekend...Just you and me. Doing what we wanted, staying in bed until noon if we wanted, going wherever we decided to go at the drop of a hat. Now it's just me. You were going to come stay Wednesday night. Now it's just me. I know that in the end, I'll look back and see that this was all just part of the plan for me. There were obviously things I needed to learn about myself and going through this was just another experience I should have had to get to where I am supposed to be. But, right now, that doesn't make this hurt any less. These next few days were the last of the days we'd planned ahead. I am praying once I get through them and there is no more time that was supposed to be "our time" things get easier. I just can't help but be sad and miss you right now. I am missing your smile and your laugh, the way you just looked at me...I am missing the way it felt to just curl up and watch a movie with you and feel comfortable...I am even missing your dog. I am sorry that this has been so hard for me when it's been so easy for you. Maybe knowing that only makes it more difficult for me. Part of me wonders if you are thinking at all about the fact that it's Thanksgiving and we were supposed to have it together or if you realize this was supposed to be our weekend without my kids or babysitters or set times I had to be back to pick them up... I wonder...
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Post by shattered on Nov 25, 2008 16:01:45 GMT -5
~Knowing this upcoming weekend I have no kids is starting to bother me. Sure, I'll fill my time. I have all kinds of friends trying to get me to go do things that are normally more difficult with the whole finding a sitter thing. Yet, somehow, I still keep thinking of how we'd talked about this weekend being our weekend. Thanksgiving is coming and I was supposed to have Thanksgiving with your family this year. It makes me kind of sad still knowing I won't (even if I didn't like your jack-ass dad and jack-ass brother). We were supposed to spend the weekend together this weekend...Just you and me. Doing what we wanted, staying in bed until noon if we wanted, going wherever we decided to go at the drop of a hat. Now it's just me. You were going to come stay Wednesday night. Now it's just me. I know that in the end, I'll look back and see that this was all just part of the plan for me. There were obviously things I needed to learn about myself and going through this was just another experience I should have had to get to where I am supposed to be. But, right now, that doesn't make this hurt any less. These next few days were the last of the days we'd planned ahead. I am praying once I get through them and there is no more time that was supposed to be "our time" things get easier. I just can't help but be sad and miss you right now. I am missing your smile and your laugh, the way you just looked at me...I am missing the way it felt to just curl up and watch a movie with you and feel comfortable...I am even missing your dog. I am sorry that this has been so hard for me when it's been so easy for you. Maybe knowing that only makes it more difficult for me. Part of me wonders if you are thinking at all about the fact that it's Thanksgiving and we were supposed to have it together or if you realize this was supposed to be our weekend without my kids or babysitters or set times I had to be back to pick them up... I wonder... Hoodie. This is so hard, I know. I feel for you. I hope your Thanksgiving will be as nice as it can be under the circumstances.
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Post by hoodieprincess on Dec 2, 2008 10:22:33 GMT -5
~Sometimes blessings come when you least expect it. It's hard to see what is right in front of your face until you stop to look at it. I had an amazing holiday and a wonderful weekend. I honestly knew the day would come when I realized as I always say, "Everything happens for a reason." The funny thing is, I didn't realize that I would see that it was that obvious so soon. But, I see it now. Thank you for being you. You came along at a point in life when I needed someone like you. But, you left when I needed you to as well. You moved over so that my life could be better. Guess what? It is better without you in it. I see that now...
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Post by shattered on Dec 2, 2008 10:42:19 GMT -5
~Sometimes blessings come when you least expect it. It's hard to see what is right in front of your face until you stop to look at it. I had an amazing holiday and a wonderful weekend. I honestly knew the day would come when I realized as I always say, "Everything happens for a reason." The funny thing is, I didn't realize that I would see that it was that obvious so soon. But, I see it now. Thank you for being you. You came along at a point in life when I needed someone like you. But, you left when I needed you to as well. You moved over so that my life could be better. Guess what? It is better without you in it. I see that now... Whoo hoo!!!!
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Post by hoodieprincess on Dec 2, 2008 16:47:43 GMT -5
~Sometimes blessings come when you least expect it. It's hard to see what is right in front of your face until you stop to look at it. I had an amazing holiday and a wonderful weekend. I honestly knew the day would come when I realized as I always say, "Everything happens for a reason." The funny thing is, I didn't realize that I would see that it was that obvious so soon. But, I see it now. Thank you for being you. You came along at a point in life when I needed someone like you. But, you left when I needed you to as well. You moved over so that my life could be better. Guess what? It is better without you in it. I see that now... Whoo hoo!!!! Thank you! ;D I think a lot of things may have lead to this moment. I mean, part of me is still going to be a little sad from time to time. He was an amazing guy and I really let him into my life. But, in the grand scheme of things, I know I am on the road to where I need to be. And, this weekend seemed to just be a turning point for me. Not going to get into all of it but it made a drastic difference in my world.
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