comeawayfromit
New Member
I think there are pieces of me you've never seen
Posts: 31
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Post by comeawayfromit on Nov 24, 2008 12:57:41 GMT -5
Hi all,
Here's a letter I just sent to him. I'm fed up and I want him to know I'm pissed. He won't care but he needs to know that there's someone out there who knows what he's done. So here it is.
I'm giving you what you so clearly want. I'm marching right out of your life. The way you've been treating me is bullshit and somewhere deep down you know it. You got Missouri Molly all moved into your place. You're happy. So be it. But the bullshit comments to me when you do choose to respond to my contact are not deserved. The fact is you've been behaving badly and treating me badly and you fucking know it. You fucked around with me 2 weeks ago and then get all mad and tell me you can't talk to me anymore for some bullshit reason. Who is it that you think you are that you can treat people let alone ME that way? I'm not gonna harbor anger towards you. I just want you to know that wherever we are, I'll always know what you did to me. You'll have to live with it. You may be treating me like shit and being a dick to me cuz you want me to go away so you can ride off into the sunset with St Louis Sally. Fine. I'm away. I'm sure you've told her 1001 bad things about me and if it makes you feel better to trash someone who you spent 8 yrs of your life with and who you lived with, go right ahead. I choose to stick up for you cuz i think that to trash you is to trash myself for being with you so long. But that's just me. So I know it don't matter to you but I've had it. Probably sooner than you expected. I know it's a big plan to be an asshole until I go away. I get it. I'm not a fool. Cuz you have no reason to be pissed at me or to be blatantly rude to me. All I ever did was take care of you when you were sick in the hospital, borrow you $ when you wanted it, buy you food, wash your clothes, sing at your dad's funeral, and come over at 2 am when you were drunk and wanted a piece of hot ass with no strings attached. But hey, I enjoyed myself too but I think your use in my life has run its course. I really don't need people around me who so clearly care more for themse lves than they do me. Yeah I'm amazed at the change in you but I know it's who you are now, so now I'm cutting you out of my life. I know you won't respond and I'm sure absolutely CERTAIN you'll share this with her as further evidence of my psychoness. If that's how you get your kicks, good for the both you. Both of you need to get a life seriously. (now go ahead and delete this as just the rantings of a psycho ex. maybe one day when you grow up it'll come back to you)
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comeawayfromit
New Member
I think there are pieces of me you've never seen
Posts: 31
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Post by comeawayfromit on Nov 24, 2008 15:02:00 GMT -5
He actually responded trying to defend himself. I'm surprised but now I remember that whenever I've gotten mad at him, he always writes/calls back to defend his actions or contradict something I've said. He disagrees with what I said and tells me he was avoiding me since I kept calling him when he couldn't talk. Well he had hung up on me and yes I did call a few times but oh well. He is still at fault here and I'm sick of being the pathetic one who lets him treat me however he wants. No more.
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Post by rocko on Nov 25, 2008 9:23:11 GMT -5
Did you send that for you or did you send that hoping she would find out he cheated and break up with him so you might get him back?
I am going to be totally harsh, but sometimes it is called for...
You are acting like a stalker.
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Post by redskyatnight on Nov 25, 2008 10:53:12 GMT -5
Rocko brings up a good point. What exactly are you trying to get from him by texting, calling and sending email?
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Post by jules on Nov 25, 2008 13:41:07 GMT -5
What rocko said...
You will never get the answers that you want. Until you accept this, you won't be able to begin moving on.
Meanwhile, do you really want to give him the satisfaction of knowing how much his actions continue to affect you?
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comeawayfromit
New Member
I think there are pieces of me you've never seen
Posts: 31
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Post by comeawayfromit on Nov 25, 2008 13:48:36 GMT -5
Well actually I sent this to him cuz I wanted him to know that him fucking me 2 weeks ago and then telling me we can't talk is unacceptable. I don't think i'm acting like a stalker at all. He is giving encouragement by contacting me/calling me off the hook to come over and then turning around and telling me that we can't talk anymore. I think it's really helpful for me and for him to know that he shouldn't be treating me this way. Also, the letter wasn't sent to her. If I wanted her to know about what happened with us, I guess I could email her but it's not my place to tell her that. Besides, I think he may have already told her. But again it's not up to me to tell her. I think it's an important part of the healing process to tell a person how you feel. Previous emails I've sent have been all lovey dovey and apologetic. I'm angry and I want him to know that. If that makes me look like a stalker, so be it. But he didn't respond in taht way to it. He explained his reasons for being rude to me on the phone. He understands why I do call cuz he knows he left me high and dry. I believe in accountability. People cannot treat others with zero respect and expect to get no flak about it. I don't hope to accomplish anything besides make myself feel better for saying the things I've been longing to say to him. He knows what he's done. Maybe one day it's going to come back to him. I don't expect that my email is going to make him come back to me. That's not the point of it. What I do know is that I don't really need to be judged and called a stalker from people who have been broken up with their significant others much longer than me but are still on this board giving advice. I get enough harshness from my family. i really don't need it here.
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Post by rocko on Nov 25, 2008 13:57:22 GMT -5
I didn't say it to hurt you. I said it because I think you need to step back and REALLY LOOK at what he is seeing right now. You are hurting so bad right now that you can see anything right now. I remember being in that pain and how sad and used and betrayed and pitiful I felt.
It hurts me to know someone else is going through that. It hurts me that I can help you. You have to help yourself and until you are ready, I can't even give you advice. Until you are ready to get over it you will continue to contact him and cause yourself more and more pain.
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Post by rocko on Nov 25, 2008 14:00:15 GMT -5
I'm truly sorry I hurt you.
(((HUGS)))
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Post by jules on Nov 25, 2008 14:02:59 GMT -5
He is giving encouragement by contacting me/calling me off the hook to come over and then turning around and telling me that we can't talk anymore. I think it's really helpful for me and for him to know that he shouldn't be treating me this way. Silence speaks volumes more than any words can do. What I do know is that I don't really need to be judged and called a stalker from people who have been broken up with their significant others much longer than me but are still on this board giving advice. I get enough harshness from my family. i really don't need it here. Sometimes we get advice that we don't want to hear. Often it is the most valuable advice of all. You know how they say hindsight is 20/20? Think of those of us who have been there as the hindsight. Once you're no longer in the midst of emotional turmoil, you tend to have more clarity on the situation. This is a support board. We support each other. Sometimes it is by simply listening. Sometimes by discussion. Sometimes it is by giving advice. And sometimes that advice is critical. It comes from a good place. Just as I'm sure your family's does.
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Post by redskyatnight on Nov 25, 2008 14:02:52 GMT -5
You are angry and that is perfectly acceptable. How you express your anger might get you in trouble. You have told him that his behavior is unacceptable to you. He got a girlfriend right away and that is unacceptable. He is trying to break it off with you by using no contact and that is unacceptable.
How would you like to be treated, given that he isn't likely to break it off with this girl anytime soon?
Is telling him how you feel helping your healing, or setting you back?
Have you given him enough grief to hold him accountable for his actions?
How much more tourture do you need to put yourself through, trying to contact him, before he is accountable? I don't mean that to be sarcastic, but think it through, what do you need from him to get over him? Is there anything he can give you to help you get over him?
Remember how you felt during the week of no contact. Do you feel better or worse now?
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comeawayfromit
New Member
I think there are pieces of me you've never seen
Posts: 31
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Post by comeawayfromit on Nov 25, 2008 14:11:16 GMT -5
I understand everything everyone is saying. It's just that one of the biggest problems with healing is the guilt you put on yourself. If i "fall off the wagon" I don't wanna feel like I have to hide it or be called a stalker. Yes this is a support board. We each get a small sliver of each other's lives/relationships. I am trying very hard to do the no contact thing. But if I slip and fall again, I don't wanna be namecalled or be told I'm a stalker. I already feel like he's thinking I'm psycho. I come here for help and support. I know what is the right thing to do (no contact) but one of the most famous support groups in the world (AA) tells you to speak with people who have hurt you and try to mea culpa with them or tell them what you feel. That's what I'm doing. In any case, the plan is not to put myself in harm's way by calling him. In answer to the question about not talking to him for a week, how did I feel? Well I cried every night. So not much better. I sent him the letter, got it out. I don't hope that we'll get back together by sending him the letter. I want him to feel a little guilt, yes. BUt if it doesn't happen, so be it. At least I told him that. i don't believe in letting people walk on you and not giving them a kick in the ass for it. Same is true of any of my friends. If they treat me badly, I tell them so.
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Post by jules on Nov 25, 2008 14:15:59 GMT -5
Ok. So you've gotten it out. I totally understand that instinct -- I just did it to my ex's face the night before he moved out for good. At the time it felt horrible, (even though I was scary calm) but later I was glad I said what I did, when I did.
Are you going back to no contact?
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Post by hoodieprincess on Nov 25, 2008 14:17:19 GMT -5
Here is the one thing that stuck out at me...You want to hold him accountable. I don't agree with his actions. Hell, I've been there and I know how much it hurts. But, you've said your piece. What more is there to come of it and in what way does he need to be held accountable? The fact that he contacted you back shows your point was made. Now what do you want? Honestly. I think that you need to resolve an answer for that before you can do much more.
And, I appreciate your kind words on here and am sorry you feel hurt by the boards. Sure, some of us have been on here a very long time. There isn't anything wrong with us being here and I think you're lashing out and being far more judgmental than anyone has tried to be to you. People aren't trying to judge at all. This is a board where we try and offer support, or advice or just let people vent. Not all of it is relationship related or separation/break-up related. We've been here enough we offer support and encouragement on the road of life...Kids, jobs, relationships, families, etc. One of the things with this board is that people aren't always going to be cushy. And one of the problems with typed words is they don't always convey the same message as the spoken word. It is more open to interpretation because you can't add emphasis. Things are just said sometimes on here though and Jules makes a great point, sometimes it's harsh and sometimes that is the most important advice someone will get. It's important to realize that people on here are kind of offering 3rd party unbiased advice from their observations about the information given. None of us know the whole story, only you. Please just keep in mind that while not always sugar coated, some things just need to be said and sometimes it isn't until someone else points something out that we see it ourselves.
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comeawayfromit
New Member
I think there are pieces of me you've never seen
Posts: 31
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Post by comeawayfromit on Nov 25, 2008 17:17:47 GMT -5
I am going back to no contact yes. I said what I said and it's done. Of course I'm lashing out. This is new to me. I assume that this mainly for breakup stories however considering the fact that I posted this in a forum that says "Breakup story." Sorry if I'm lashing out but honestly if I wanted to fight, I guess I'd call my ex. It's a protective mechanism when you feel attacked to lash back. People cannot get mad at me because I choose to put myself in harm's way or because of decisions I make. That was my only point.
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Post by JimB on Nov 25, 2008 17:31:12 GMT -5
Nobody's mad at you for acting like a stalker - just pointing out that that's what you're doing.
It really does help tremendously to force yourself to think before hitting "send". The thought that always helped me is "what do I hope to accomplish by sending this, and is it likely to happen?" If the letter is written in any state of passion, the answer is likely no. Put it in your pocket and read it again tomorrow.
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