Post by Phoenixx on Mar 11, 2009 20:03:36 GMT -5
It's just another day really.
Isn't it?
Except. A few amazing things happened and I am ending the day (it's 1am here) with a huge smile and a strong, happy feeling. Yes, I thought about you. But it was just a few moments, especially when I bought a card for my tutor who was leaving and saw the "Happy Anniversary" card, but there was no sadness.
If I bothered to think about this, I would know this is the first time since I met you all those years ago that I didn't see you on March 11th. If I thought about it, I would think how strange that someone who knew my most intimate secrets now knows nothing...like that I have an amazing new job, exactly in the field I spent months trying to get into when we met. That I am excelling at University this year, scoring higher than ever in every paper. That I am finally designing. That I am happy. Happy. Do you even know that person?
I guess the answer is no. I guess that's why today doesn't hurt. Because I am not the person who would be sad about us- well no. I am sad. Just not the way I thought I would be.
I started my first ever "to you" thread on Ojar (gosh...how long ago now?) with "If I could tell you, I would say...'I love you'..."
Well, I want to end this one with, "If I could tell you, I would say I am doing fantastically well. I am happy and fulfilled and I am close to making my dreams reality. I am focusing on me, which is why I am doing, looking, feeling so much better. I have dropped four sizes from the person you knew, I run miles at a time and I look great. If I do say so myself.
Most of all, S. I don't miss you anymore. I miss my friend, the guy who would always listen to me, encourage me, who believed in me. I do miss my friend. But I don't miss you. I don't miss you anymore, S. I don't miss you. I am not repeating that for negative reasons, I just love the sound of it in my head, the taste of my tongue wrapped around those words, letters. Yes, I am mouthing them. Soon, I'll say them out loud. Shout it from the rooftops. Or...actually. I wont need to. It will creep on me, become part of my daily fabric like this 'anniversary' became just that. Just another day. Where a few fantastic things happened.
Anyway. Just thought I'd drop you a line. I haven't written to you in ages, not spoken to you in months. Which is perfectly fine. Perfectly fine.
I used to end with "I am ok." I think I might end with:
"I am really, really good."
Isn't it?
Except. A few amazing things happened and I am ending the day (it's 1am here) with a huge smile and a strong, happy feeling. Yes, I thought about you. But it was just a few moments, especially when I bought a card for my tutor who was leaving and saw the "Happy Anniversary" card, but there was no sadness.
If I bothered to think about this, I would know this is the first time since I met you all those years ago that I didn't see you on March 11th. If I thought about it, I would think how strange that someone who knew my most intimate secrets now knows nothing...like that I have an amazing new job, exactly in the field I spent months trying to get into when we met. That I am excelling at University this year, scoring higher than ever in every paper. That I am finally designing. That I am happy. Happy. Do you even know that person?
I guess the answer is no. I guess that's why today doesn't hurt. Because I am not the person who would be sad about us- well no. I am sad. Just not the way I thought I would be.
I started my first ever "to you" thread on Ojar (gosh...how long ago now?) with "If I could tell you, I would say...'I love you'..."
Well, I want to end this one with, "If I could tell you, I would say I am doing fantastically well. I am happy and fulfilled and I am close to making my dreams reality. I am focusing on me, which is why I am doing, looking, feeling so much better. I have dropped four sizes from the person you knew, I run miles at a time and I look great. If I do say so myself.
Most of all, S. I don't miss you anymore. I miss my friend, the guy who would always listen to me, encourage me, who believed in me. I do miss my friend. But I don't miss you. I don't miss you anymore, S. I don't miss you. I am not repeating that for negative reasons, I just love the sound of it in my head, the taste of my tongue wrapped around those words, letters. Yes, I am mouthing them. Soon, I'll say them out loud. Shout it from the rooftops. Or...actually. I wont need to. It will creep on me, become part of my daily fabric like this 'anniversary' became just that. Just another day. Where a few fantastic things happened.
Anyway. Just thought I'd drop you a line. I haven't written to you in ages, not spoken to you in months. Which is perfectly fine. Perfectly fine.
I used to end with "I am ok." I think I might end with:
"I am really, really good."