JC
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Posts: 205
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Post by JC on Jan 29, 2008 9:47:32 GMT -5
OK I really really do not think this is healthy for them. The fact you don't see that.... there is nothing I can say that will get my point across. I will just say that it is a parent's job to teach their children how to be adults. Sharing a bed with your children... 8 and 10! is completely opposite of that. Also, what do you think you are teaching them about men... do not girls tend to want to date/marry someone like their father? Girls this age will soon been hitting puberty, YOU really need to have some freakin boundaries dude. This is like the stories of woman I hear breastfeeding their 5 year olds... CUT THE FREAKIN CORD and teach them how to be woman not babies. are you fucking serious? that is the most ridiculous load of bullshit i have seen all morning. erf, there isnt anything wrong with sleeping with your girls. no amount of studies articles etc will convince me of that. all that shit is based on people that are not you, or your kids. to have a father love their daughters and show affection the way you seem to is awesome. i whole-heartedly believe that this will teach your daughters to be kind loving parents in the long run.
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Post by goods on Jan 29, 2008 9:59:53 GMT -5
Yes I am serious. from www.beachpsych.com/pages/cc101.html"The issue of having a child sleep with a parent through the night becomes even more complex in the case of a divorce. Children, especially pre-schoolers and early elementary aged children, are very shaken by a divorce and may become edgy and exhibit somatic complaints. They have lost the presence of one of their parents in their home and they may have great anxiety about losing the other parent, too. They are subject to bad dreams and need a lot of reassurance that things are going to turn out all right. When a parent allows this child to sleep through the night with them, they may believe they are solving the problem by offering a comforting presence. In the long run, the child may pay by becoming overly dependent on the parent and have greater difficulty in adjusting to any kind of change." But no amount of Mental Health Professionals telling you that it an extremely bad idea will sway you.
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Post by goods on Jan 29, 2008 10:01:18 GMT -5
JC would it be ok if he was their step-father? Would it be ok for a 10 year old brother and 8 year old sister?
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Post by goods on Jan 29, 2008 10:04:19 GMT -5
cont from above article:
"A divorcing mother or father can directly or unintentionally seek to assuage these feelings by having their child sleep with them. It becomes a great comfort to the parent: Someone is there, someone so loved, someone no one or no thing can take away, and they are solaced by the small, warm presence of their child peacefully sleeping next to him/her. The child, in this situation, is placed in a position of taking care of an adult's emotional needs. This may intensify and complicate the common concern children may have in a divorce about the other parent being lonely when they are not with them. When a child sleeps with the opposite sex parent he/she is placed in a role that belongs to an adult and that can be burdensome and confusing to that child's developing sexual identity. In addition, during sleep, the normal adult male will have an erection approximately every 90 minutes. While there may be no intention to sexualize his daughter, this may occur if she becomes aware of her father's erection while he sleeps."
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Post by goods on Jan 29, 2008 10:05:49 GMT -5
erf what would you think if a 12yr old female student told you she spent everynight in her step-dad's bed?
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Post by Dave on Jan 29, 2008 10:16:57 GMT -5
that's apples to oranges.
a. i am my daughter's father. b. she is ten, not 12.
and c. i would have no problem with it.
Goods, how many children do you have? How old are they?
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JC
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Posts: 205
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Post by JC on Jan 29, 2008 10:18:06 GMT -5
there is a huge difference in step parents, for obvious reasons. unless of course said step parent was in the childs life almost from the begining. and no, no amount of medical, pysicological bullshit will sway me, because lets face it in another 10 years or so the consensus will be different, and then it will be whats best for the kids.
this country tries to bring sexual bullshit to stuff that shouldnt have any sexual connotations attached to it at all.
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JC
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Posts: 205
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Post by JC on Jan 29, 2008 10:22:06 GMT -5
and let me just add, that there isnt another soul on this earth who knows whats best for my kids other than me. nadda zilch zero. i expect the same is true for you goods, as well as erf.
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Post by goods on Jan 29, 2008 10:23:52 GMT -5
that's apples to oranges. a. i am my daughter's father. b. she is ten, not 12. and c. i would have no problem with it. Goods, how many children do you have? How old are they? 16 yr old son. I guess you just wanted people to tell you it was ok for you to sleep with your daughters. Not real opinions. There is? You mean a bio-parent couldn't be some pedo and molest their own child and a step-parent couldn't be completely loving?
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Post by goods on Jan 29, 2008 10:24:38 GMT -5
and let me just add, that there isnt another soul on this earth who knows whats best for my kids other than me. nadda zilch zero. i expect the same is true for you goods, as well as erf. Then why did he ask?
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JC
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Posts: 205
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Post by JC on Jan 29, 2008 10:25:15 GMT -5
im sure he wanted opinions, but your tactics are terrible.. you are almost attacking him over this.
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Post by cdngurl on Jan 29, 2008 10:25:34 GMT -5
What I'dl like to add is that one needs to take "studies" with a grain of salt. There are all kinds of articles and studies out there which will support whatever opinion you personally have. That is the beauty of psychology. There are no real answers, just lot of questions and opinions. I happen to have a degree in the crap, so I feel comfortable giving my very jaded opinon .. IMHO - you know your children best. We all do our best to be the most loving parents we can. Did our parents make mistakes? for sure. Did theirs? hell yes.. do we? oh yes... and guess what? we will all be fine. As long as we don't f*ck up the planet.
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JC
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Posts: 205
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Post by JC on Jan 29, 2008 10:26:11 GMT -5
i dont know. maybe he was having doubts? that doesnt mean he doesnt know what is best for his kids.
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Post by goods on Jan 29, 2008 10:27:33 GMT -5
Attacking him? Well maybe I was a bit harsh... maybe not but I really think he is doing his kids a major disservice, when he first asked, I assumed the girls were 1, 2 maybe 3. But 8 and 10?!!! I can't believe anyone would think that was healthy for the kids.
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Post by wizer on Jan 29, 2008 10:32:38 GMT -5
My younger daughter is almost 12. When she would stay over at my apartment, she wanted to sleep in the bed with me, so I let her. This was right up until she was about 10 1/2. I mentioned it to my attorney and he said "no way". It could be used against me even though my stbx was aware of it and had no problems with it and there were no allegations of sexual abuse, etc. I would say that once the kids reach age 10 that's when you have to cut them off.
That nonsense that Goods quoted is just that. Bullshit.
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