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Post by crushy on Feb 12, 2008 11:47:28 GMT -5
Wow - this is my first reading of all of this stuff. I am SOOOO glad you have a place to get it all out! Can you have the FBI or any other law agency check for you? Perhaps by paying some fee or something? I do think having someone else do it that can testify would make more sense. I hope this all settles down for you soon! Please keep venting, I know it makes me feel better too... Shey The problem I have with having someone check that can testify is it's a 3rd degree felony and I just can't stand the thoughts of their dad getting in trouble. He'd lose his job too (he works for a local police dept). I want my privacy as well as for my sons, but I don't know how far I'm willing to go. I'm leaning with having someone private that can testify, let him know what we have and if he continues, then put it in the authorities hands.
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Post by sheyd on Feb 12, 2008 11:53:26 GMT -5
He will only get in trouble if you USE the information. However, if he keeps this up, you may NEED it. So, go with the safest route - it is like stockpiling ammo. Hopefully you never use ANY of it. If you have none, though, you could get in trouble if someone else starts a war. (Btw, I am a total pacifist... but I still say in this case you need to have it ready IF you need it.)
I too protect my kids' dad. However, if he ever started a war that could damage me (someone who is ALSO important to my kids) or my kids (like by damaging their mother and primary caregiver) I would do what it takes. You didn't choose this war - he did. You will STILL play nice if he lets you - but you need to be ready if he won't. You have let yourself (and your kids) get hurt by trusting/protecting him before - don't do it anymore.
Shey
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Post by loshyra on Feb 12, 2008 11:58:17 GMT -5
I agree with Sheyd on this T. I have told you that many times. You can protect him to a point, BUT if it comes down to him or you which will you choose? I would choose ME!
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Post by bobfromacctg on Feb 12, 2008 22:10:52 GMT -5
As I have told you before, its not your fault he chose to abuse his position and break the law. You should not have to live in fear just because you don't want him to get in trouble. His actions caused him to get in trouble - you wouldn't. I would have not second thought one about calling the police and turning him in.
Thats kind of like a gunman holding a gun at you and saying "If you scream I will shoot you and it won't be my fault - you screamed". Uh no...
call 911 and turn him in. You are not responsible for his actions neither should you have to live in fear in your own house because of his actions.
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Post by crushy on Feb 14, 2008 21:34:23 GMT -5
I'm beginning to agree with all of you. It's only escalated. As my attorney says, it will only escalate more if he has joint custody (at the minimum 111 nights per mo). My fiance and I are looking at our options, how much each option will cost, what it would mean in court, what it would mean for him to lose his job and exactly what it would mean as far as law enforcement goes. At this point, money is no object if it gives us our home and our privacy and peace of mind back. I just get sick to think he's my sons' male role model. The only thing that has stopped me at this point is that would break my heart to think of my sons suffering some of his consequences. Ya know what though? He's done all of this knowing what chances he would be taking and he decided it was worth it. I didn't make him do anything he's done. It will NOT be my fault when he pays the price for his actions. He knowingly did these things and obviously made the conscious choice to do them in spite of the cost. A little off the subject, but wouldn't you think at some point his pregnant wife would see how hard he fights to pay as little as possible to support them? She sees his lies and obsessiveness first hand. Wouldn't a normal person at some point think, 'That could be me and my child?' I guess the reason she doesn't is he is her 2nd married man (at least that I know of...probably more). They left their marriages for each other. I know (as well as many family and mutual friends) she's behind a lot of his crazy actions and behavior, but I believe hers is 100% financially motivated while I think his was motivated by wanting our sons part-time at first, but is now financially motivated too. It's obvious to many who know us, he lets her worry and do the money while he just focuses on what he wants. This gives him no accountability. My sons and I would have nothing if it were not for me. I have a home, new car, nice furniture, etc. They are losing what they have and due with a baby in April. I don't think it's right to try to deny my sons what they are legally entitled to to fix their poor financial choices. Funny thing, he had them whenever he asked (we never even referred to the decree), but money made him use that flexibility against me claiming he should have joint custody and I should pay him child support as I make more than him. Desperate people do desperate things. I'm on high alert and actively looking for a way to find all sources of his surveillance and the best way to have it in my pocket for court.
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Post by crushy on Feb 22, 2008 22:37:10 GMT -5
Well, I spent some time with my attorney today and he essentially told me I have a decision to make. He says there is no question what he has done/is doing is a 3rd degree felony, but about the only way to get the job done right would be to have the Feds do a sweep of my home, etc.
I asked if I could hire someone private to do it that could testify only if needed, but he said something about them being bound to notify law enforcement. He said at the very least, he would do at least 6 mos to 1 yr (in our county) and lose his job.
I know, I know it's as a result of HIS actions and with no doubt, he knows he is breaking the law, but I just can't imagine my sons' dad being in jail (whether he deserved it or not).
So, it's out to have a sweep done and hold it in my pocket if I need it, but then again, I don't have anything to hide. His last words to me at my son's school was, 'I know what is going on in your house.' Okay, Columbo, so you know I get on our sons to do homework, tell them to remember to brush their teeth, sometimes have a hard time getting them up for school, etc. I guess he needs hearing a phenomenal dose of great sex with my fiance to cure him.
I'm going to take this opportunity to tell you, Troy, I have taken pity on you and put our sons first, but if you push me any farther and it comes down to you or me, it's me and the boys every time. YOU will be charged with a 3rd degree felony and you don't even know what I already have in my possession to back it up. There are some 2nd degree felonies in there too.
Back off now because Mama Bear is going to fight to the death for her cubs. You've got a cub on the way with trailer-trash. Why don't you spend your time trying to get out of paying her for that kid (if it's yours) before she leaves you for a 3rd married man.
Our sons are almost 16 and 13. Move on already!!!!!!!
BTW, since I know you read this, I can't wait to see your face in pre-trial with what we've got. I not only love the IRS, but love you for making such lame accusations that were so easily used against you as a double edged sword.
I know at one point your were humble enough to admit you'd made a mistake and wished you could be back here with us, but you've pooped in your nest and now you need to live in it. When you left, my life was hell, I was totally lost and now I not only know you were never the man (boy) I thought you were and misunderstood your controlling and possessiveness for love and feeling other guys might see value in me...now I know control is what drives you. Why would a man that left his ex for another woman ask how the sex is with her fiance?! If I didn't have 2 boys to protect, I'd pity you, but instead, I have to try to anticipate your moves before you make them.
BTW, thank you for 4 out of 4 police reports that support me and show you to be a controlling freak that is trying to manipulate the situation. I guess you finally learned because you haven't involved the cops for a while.
Your Happy Ex-Wife....Tami
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Post by connorguy on Feb 24, 2008 9:08:30 GMT -5
Hello Crushy. My gosh! I hope you will forgive my boldness, as I am a brand new member on this site, but, I was going through the various threads on this site to figure out why my friend, who considers herself to be somewhat of an amatuer therapist, recommended that I check this out. I opened this thread because I admit that the pain I feel seems unending. You have been through so many things aside from the mere heartache! I mean, the legal battle, the car accident, and now this ex of yours is doing all of this stalking! My heart goes out to you. I can't even imagine what it would feel like to know that someone was trying to bug my home in order to get information as he has! I have got to tell you though that from what I have seen in your posts this morning that it looks as though you are really trying to take the high road and leaving all of the dirty tactics to him. That says a great deal about your character! Bravo!! Keep that up because what goes around comes around and he will get his just deserts if he keeps playing nasty like this. Just a thought. Have you thought about looking on Ebay for any security devices that might make your home and your life more successful? I admit that I have not encountered anything like this before but will admit to being a bit of a Ebay junkie. I will keep an eye open for any such things and let you know if I find anything out. There must be some quality devices out there at a lower cost than what you quoted earlier. In any case, keep your chin up and have faith that your possitive intentions and love of your two sons will benefit you in the times to come. Wishing you the best!! Connor
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Post by crushy on Feb 28, 2008 0:11:15 GMT -5
Hello Crushy. My gosh! I hope you will forgive my boldness, as I am a brand new member on this site, but, I was going through the various threads on this site to figure out why my friend, who considers herself to be somewhat of an amatuer therapist, recommended that I check this out. I opened this thread because I admit that the pain I feel seems unending. You have been through so many things aside from the mere heartache! I mean, the legal battle, the car accident, and now this ex of yours is doing all of this stalking! My heart goes out to you. I can't even imagine what it would feel like to know that someone was trying to bug my home in order to get information as he has! I have got to tell you though that from what I have seen in your posts this morning that it looks as though you are really trying to take the high road and leaving all of the dirty tactics to him. That says a great deal about your character! Bravo!! Keep that up because what goes around comes around and he will get his just deserts if he keeps playing nasty like this. Just a thought. Have you thought about looking on Ebay for any security devices that might make your home and your life more successful? I admit that I have not encountered anything like this before but will admit to being a bit of a Ebay junkie. I will keep an eye open for any such things and let you know if I find anything out. There must be some quality devices out there at a lower cost than what you quoted earlier. In any case, keep your chin up and have faith that your possitive intentions and love of your two sons will benefit you in the times to come. Wishing you the best!! Connor Wow, Connor, thanks!! I've had to deal with him tonight regarding our sons and it's just amazing he thinks the way he does. I might take you up on anything you find on Ebay (just don't want you to go to any trouble for me). My attorney told me that even if I hire someone to independently sweep my home, they are obligated to report it to the authorities, but that's what I'm trying to avoid at this point. I know I'm not crazy because his own mother recalls things the way I do and has supported me in court to retain custody. Due to my head injury causing me problems with my short-term memory during my first serious accident, without going back and reading everything from the beginning of this thread, I don't remember what I've said. I may have mentioned he told others he was disappointed I did no die in my most recent accident (head on collision - both at freeway speed that it would have simplified his life had I died. They cut me from the car and had surgery on 2 breaks in my leg and hand and I had to beg him to bring my boys to see me when I was in the hospital nearly a week. I appreciate your support and kind words. It always helps to have a friendly person in your corner. My sons are nearly 16 and 13, so hopefully, not too much longer. They are expecting a baby in April (so I'm told), but somehow I don't see that slowing him down any, just upsetting her like it did with me when I had our boys. I broke my tail bone giving birth to the first one and his friends were in our driveway when we got home from the hospital to go to an amusement park. If she wasn't such a skank, I might feel sorry for her, but he's not her first married man. Thanks for taking the time to read my thread and post to it. It means more to me than you can possibly know. Tell your friend thank you too. Crushy
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Post by wizer on Feb 28, 2008 13:29:50 GMT -5
I just read through this whole thread myself, and all I can say is wow Crushy, you are a strong woman for dealing with all of this. Makes me realize that as bad as my situation is, there are others in the same or worse. You definitely qualify with everything you have been through.
A few comments. You should file a report with some law agency, somewhere. Not sure who you would talk to but you should cover yourself legally incase he does try to mess around with you and set you up for something. It might not be much, but the fact that you reported something BEFORE he does can only help.
As far as surveillance equipment discovery goes, you can never be fully sure regardless of what you buy. Just assume that you are being monitored and dont say or do anything that can come back to bite you in the future.
Realize as I do, that things WILL get better over time, that this is just temporary and at some point you will look back at this as a distant bad memory.
((HUGS))
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Post by crushy on Mar 1, 2008 5:26:51 GMT -5
Thanks, Steve...that means a lot coming from you.... We go to court again on Monday. I've seen their discovery and had a good laugh at his attempt at telling the court, 'The Petitioner does not have that information at this time.'That and seeing their checking history for the past 4 yrs has been more than entertaining. How many checks can a person bounce in one month's time? I'll never forget her asking me what I do with all of my money since I make good $, rent an apt to my mom and of course, get a tiny child support....Well, after seeing their records, I'd say not going to Joe's Crab Shack regularly might have something to do with it. Funny, they nearly made me lose my house as they became 7 mos (10 mos in all) delinquent on my 2nd mortgage which was the ONLY bill the AH took. I've refinanced, bought a new car (since they cut the roof off of my other one in March to get me out). I owe on this house, my new car (only because that 20 yr old was reaching for her cell phone charger and we hit head on - both at freeway speed. Of course, she was fine (thankfully, don't get me wrong), but the mos I spent in a hospital bed were not fun. (BTW, if you have teens and can't get up your stairs for over 2 mos, have them take a before and after pic of their room w/ their cell phones. It makes being stuck downstairs MUCH easier if you know all is well upstairs. ;D I tell ya, my ex's dime store attorney saw his pompous ass coming and just took his money and blew smoke up his ass. Part of what's funny is that one attorney signs his crap (usually written in first person) has never even represented him in court...it's another attorney...my attorney and I actually got a kick out of her making a fool out of herself in court. Luckily, my attorney is good and very seasoned, he knew when to shut up and not waste the court's time (It was the Commissioner, not the Judge). Kinda funny, the Commissioner had to cut his attorney off because not only was she ad-libbing, but was just plain wasting everyone's time...Gee, do you think it was because she didn't know the case from a hole in the ground? I got copies of their part of discovery and know after seeing their checking records back to 2005 (conveniently missing the time they sold the 1967, RS, SS, fully restored, all original convertible Camaro I bought for him about a year before he left me. I was dumb and when I finally settled on my first accident, I told him I wanted to buy it for him (although all of the other $ was ours since he'd suffered too...yeah right, I've wised up). It cracked me up when he had to sell it because my last words were 'I hope you lose it since you didn't deserve it.' I bought that for you for suffering this accident w/ me and I although all of the $ is ours, I want to feel like I bought this for you for being so good to me. It won 1st place in car shows all over the valley. It was shipped from Kentucky. I'm sure he shed a tear when that thing drove away. It was all original and had no bondo. I teased him and called it his red-head.... Now he's 42 and their expecting a baby in April. That means he'll have 1 on High School, 1 in Jr High, 1 in Grade School (her adopted daughter) and a new born?! I can't thank God enough for this part of my life. I love my sons more than anything, but like my mom told me as I was crying about the day my oldest would go to school, God makes sure the mom is ready for that time too. She was right. She's also been known to say that God makes them teenagers just before they leave the nest so you're ready to see them go...I'm getting good and ready.....
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Post by kittenhart on Mar 1, 2008 12:13:12 GMT -5
She's also been known to say that God makes them teenagers just before they leave the nest so you're ready to see them go...I'm getting good and ready..... ;D That's a good one....hang in there, Crushy. I'm sure Monday will see things turn around.
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Post by loshyra on Mar 3, 2008 13:34:46 GMT -5
Crushy.... Don't worry, I will be there to help you today!! And he will be lucky if I don't tear him apart after for all the shit he puts you through...
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Post by loshyra on Mar 3, 2008 17:26:18 GMT -5
So just got back from the whole court ordeal with Crush. It was tooo funny, We had to go through the metal detectors and BOTH guards (yeah they were both HOT!!!) were hitting on Tami and she didn't even realize until I told her that. One even offered to cut off her clothes if she passed out.... ;D I told him that I could say something BUT would keep my mouth shut!! Then they started asking to see our work id's (since we have to wear them around our necks....) It was just toooo funny.....
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Post by crushy on Mar 3, 2008 17:49:14 GMT -5
Thanks again for going with me, Losh. It was nice to have your support.
Oh, and funny to see the first woman to ever be pregnant or to be 12 mos pregnant. ;D
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Post by RO on Mar 3, 2008 17:50:35 GMT -5
Tami-
So happy this is behind you...
Sending you good vibes!
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