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Post by finding on Jan 30, 2008 8:48:46 GMT -5
I swear being back in this place and surrounded by family is sucking the life out of me.
I have a plan of action to get where I need to be, but things aren't happening to put that plan into place.
I feel like I am stagnating.
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Post by freckles on Jan 30, 2008 9:17:28 GMT -5
Everything takes Time You are a Good Person You are Strong You can make it ! I will Pray for You
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Post by ionysis on Jan 30, 2008 15:45:46 GMT -5
I know that feeling well but I don't have any of the mitigating circumstances surrounding your life - just laziness and an inability to MAKE things happen because of being inept and disorganized and useless.
Given your family relationships, financial circumstances and everything else I am, and always have been, in total awe of the way you manage your life and what an incredible mother you seems to be.
It may feel like you are stagnating from your perspective but the fact that you have a plan and the strength and will to implement it means you achieve something amazing every day - something which most of us, with none of your challenges find near impossible - you can see where you want to go and the path which will take you there.
I have always found you to be a total inspiration and your strength and determination just wow me. I truly believe that 90 percent of the good or bad things that happen are due to being in the right/wrong place at the right/wrong time. You'll get your break - I really think you will. You deserve it more than anyone. And if track record is anything to go by you'll be able to recognise it and sieze it with both hands.
Sorry I can't be more helpful. I hope you feel better tomorrow.
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Post by finding on Jan 30, 2008 16:48:46 GMT -5
Ok, that made me cry.
Things have been crazy here the last few days and I think it is taking it's toll on me. My parents favor my middle child, tell my daughter to marry a rich man, and that I am going to hell and get skin cancer because I have a tatoo, and think they can barge into our lives when ever they want without warning.
I had a talk with one of my boy's teachers a couple of days ago and there was talk of his IEP for next year. I know I need to plan for the unseen, but I want to be out of here by the fall if possible. My lease is up in October and I want to be packing to move back out of state.
My son saw his new dr for the first time today and that hurt like hell. I walk in the door and it doesn't feel homey and the staff doesn't know me or the kids and their history. It saddened me because we had such a good relationship with our last dr.
My parents are mad at me and not speaking to me yet again. They aren't happy with a decision I have made and are going to try to use it against me in the future. Now that my ex is completely out of the picture they want total control over what we do and when they don't get it they pout.
I'm really trying here, but this place and state will never feel like home. I don't care for the type of people and the life style. I never have, growing up I always felt like a fish out of water.
I know what steps I need to get out of this place and funk, but the plans just aren't falling into place the way I had hoped. I know I was wearing rose colored glasses. I know what needs to be done is going to take hard work, but I have been going about things half assed. I'm just finding it hard to muster up the strength to do what needs to be done and the strength to stand my ground once I get things in place.
I guess I've lost focus and need to find center again so I can get out of this funk.
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Post by sheyd on Jan 30, 2008 17:26:09 GMT -5
Things have been crazy here the last few days and I think it is taking it's toll on me. My parents favor my middle child, tell my daughter to marry a rich man, and that I am going to hell and get skin cancer because I have a tatoo, and think they can barge into our lives when ever they want without warning. I'm so sorry you keep having such trouble with your parents... But hey, if they aren't talking to you, they aren't harassing you, right? Not speaking is THEIR choice, you are still available when they are done pouting. Stand strong, you KNOW you are better than what they are trying to do to you. I had a talk with one of my boy's teachers a couple of days ago and there was talk of his IEP for next year. I know I need to plan for the unseen, but I want to be out of here by the fall if possible. My lease is up in October and I want to be packing to move back out of state. Even if you leave in October, he will still be in that school for the start of the year. Even if you break your lease, it will feel good to know a plan is in place. Plus, you can take that IEP info to whereever you move, and it will be a starting place for the next team. Don't look at it as that IEP is holding you back - look at it as it is a jumping off place for next year - WHEREVER you are. My son saw his new dr for the first time today and that hurt like hell. I walk in the door and it doesn't feel homey and the staff doesn't know me or the kids and their history. It saddened me because we had such a good relationship with our last dr. I'm so sorry - new docs suck, even when that is the only change you have going. It takes so long to feel comfortable. I sympathize with you on that one! Just know you had a good one before, and you will have another good one - maybe even this one - it just takes time. (Taking time sucks too, I know... sorry) My parents are mad at me and not speaking to me yet again. They aren't happy with a decision I have made and are going to try to use it against me in the future. Now that my ex is completely out of the picture they want total control over what we do and when they don't get it they pout. Hey - at least their pouting gives you some peace and quiet! Better than them yelling at you or saying such snotty things! I'm really trying here, but this place and state will never feel like home. I don't care for the type of people and the life style. I never have, growing up I always felt like a fish out of water. I know you will find the place you feel is home - whether it is there in time or because you have moved. I am sorry you are having to wait and go through all this... I know what steps I need to get out of this place and funk, but the plans just aren't falling into place the way I had hoped. I know I was wearing rose colored glasses. I know what needs to be done is going to take hard work, but I have been going about things half assed. I'm just finding it hard to muster up the strength to do what needs to be done and the strength to stand my ground once I get things in place. I have to say - about this stuff I can only say ditto to what ionysis said. You are an amazing woman, who has already accomplished and is still accomplishing more than most of us could dream of. You have amazing reserves of strength, and not enough support. You will do it, because you have to, but I know I am joined in wishing there is something I could do to help you with these too-heavy burdens. I can only stand in awe, and tell you I feel for you and wish you well. I guess I've lost focus and need to find center again so I can get out of this funk. What ways have you centered before? Is there anything that helps you regain some strength and balance? Any way to just take a break and recover for a bit? Shey
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Post by finding on Jan 30, 2008 19:41:40 GMT -5
What ways have you centered before? Is there anything that helps you regain some strength and balance? Any way to just take a break and recover for a bit? Shey See that's a hard one for me. The things that centered me and brought me peace were about the place I lived before. I would go down to the pier and sit on a park bench in the shade, drive through our park and look for deer, feed the sea gulls at another park, or take a walk down town and look at the architecture of the old buildings, late summer it was driving into the Cascades and picking wild black berries. I'm in the a relatively big city in the desert now, so those things are non existant. I need to find things that bring me peace, but my mindset is so different than what is available here.
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Post by freckles on Jan 30, 2008 19:59:42 GMT -5
Why not go where your Heart is
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Post by finding on Jan 30, 2008 20:16:53 GMT -5
Why not go where your Heart is That is the plan, I just don't have the means right now. I also have to be careful because if my parents find out about the move before everything is in place they will try to block it and take the kids away from me. They think that living anywhere but near them is child abuse and have told me so.
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Post by freckles on Jan 30, 2008 20:19:15 GMT -5
You can stay with me if you want to We can get a Travel Trailer in the Back Yard for your Kids to stay in Fun
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Post by finding on Jan 30, 2008 20:22:10 GMT -5
I think they would kill each other in that close of quarters. A preteen girl and two boys in a travel trailer . . . it wouldn't end pretty.
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Post by freckles on Jan 30, 2008 20:25:31 GMT -5
3 Travel Trailers I had 2 My ExWife took them
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Post by finding on Jan 30, 2008 20:31:44 GMT -5
Thanks for the offer Freckles, but I need trees, water, mountains, snow, and cold weather. My soul feels at peace with these things.
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Post by freckles on Jan 30, 2008 20:34:22 GMT -5
It is Cold Here But, it is Flat Land I have Pine Trees ( I Planted 20 or so) Lots of other Trees too
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