Post by Kim Possible on Mar 24, 2008 9:48:30 GMT -5
It's been three years since he made the decision to leave. The first six months were easy, relatively speaking. I was numb. I was angry, but pretty much numb. During that time, I thought to myself "It's not so bad, I'll move on". I was over him. I did not miss him at all. I did miss the 'what could have been' and the 'what was supposed to be'. At the six month mark, I started dating someone. Ironically, that was the time in which the poop hit the fan. He started in with all his accusations about what a bad parent I was, and all his threats to gain fulll custody. I fed into it, I was so weak. All this time I did think in the back of my head 'when are you going to let this go? you're the one who wanted this. you're the one who moved out of our house and immediately moved in with her! if you were that happy with your decision, you wouldn't be doing this. You'd be happy, and you'd let it go'.
We continued with the battles, the petty games he'd play. Never big ones, silly stuff. But he knew it got to me, he knew exactly how to push my buttons. I knew I was not doing anything wrong, but he constantly questioned my parenting ability. I could see how kids fall into that trap, when parents keep telling them they are worthless, they lose their self worth. But eventually I grew stronger, I had no choice. I thought of this going on for the next 12 years, until our child becomes an adult. I couldn't let him get the best of me. I had the rest of my life to live.
Then things started to die down. I met someone new and was very happy, but still very guarded. he knew this, but I couldn't share the full details of why. The ex had actually started to calm down. Then he broke up with his gf, the other woman. It was anti-climactic for me, I wasn't' feeling anything. Then he started to become very civil to me, to the point of creepy. He knew I was involved with someone and was happy. So I took it as him realizing what a fool he was, and growing. Maybe that breakup taught him something. I just thought his behavior was so odd, being okay with me when he wasn't in a relationship, and acting out when he was with someone.
So now, they are back together, after a nine month hiatus. Not sure why they broke up in the first place, and what brought them back together, but I know he was never one to be alone. And I'm fairly certain he was alone during this break. And slowly but surely, the old habits are coming back. is it a coincidence that 'things are happening at mommy's house that he does not agree with'? did I suddenly become a bad mother again? Could be, but I doubt it. And for the most part, the issues seem to involve my bf. So with his barking, accusations and threats (involving lawyers and the police) comes my scars opening up. Not nearly as bad as before, because I know why it is happening on his end. And I know it is not me, it is him. I was doing so well up until now, and had come to realize that he changed (or that I never saw the real him, and he was always like this ). I don't want to go back to therapy, nor do I really feel the need to. I just want to assure that this doesn't affect my current relationship.
We continued with the battles, the petty games he'd play. Never big ones, silly stuff. But he knew it got to me, he knew exactly how to push my buttons. I knew I was not doing anything wrong, but he constantly questioned my parenting ability. I could see how kids fall into that trap, when parents keep telling them they are worthless, they lose their self worth. But eventually I grew stronger, I had no choice. I thought of this going on for the next 12 years, until our child becomes an adult. I couldn't let him get the best of me. I had the rest of my life to live.
Then things started to die down. I met someone new and was very happy, but still very guarded. he knew this, but I couldn't share the full details of why. The ex had actually started to calm down. Then he broke up with his gf, the other woman. It was anti-climactic for me, I wasn't' feeling anything. Then he started to become very civil to me, to the point of creepy. He knew I was involved with someone and was happy. So I took it as him realizing what a fool he was, and growing. Maybe that breakup taught him something. I just thought his behavior was so odd, being okay with me when he wasn't in a relationship, and acting out when he was with someone.
So now, they are back together, after a nine month hiatus. Not sure why they broke up in the first place, and what brought them back together, but I know he was never one to be alone. And I'm fairly certain he was alone during this break. And slowly but surely, the old habits are coming back. is it a coincidence that 'things are happening at mommy's house that he does not agree with'? did I suddenly become a bad mother again? Could be, but I doubt it. And for the most part, the issues seem to involve my bf. So with his barking, accusations and threats (involving lawyers and the police) comes my scars opening up. Not nearly as bad as before, because I know why it is happening on his end. And I know it is not me, it is him. I was doing so well up until now, and had come to realize that he changed (or that I never saw the real him, and he was always like this ). I don't want to go back to therapy, nor do I really feel the need to. I just want to assure that this doesn't affect my current relationship.