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Post by finding on Mar 24, 2008 22:32:36 GMT -5
I know I should be counting my blessing, yada yada yada, but right now I can't seem to win for loosing. I swear, every time I try to take a step forward I get kicked in the gut and I'm sick and tired of it.
I just want it to stop. I'm not that fucking strong. I'm done, I can't do anymore.
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Post by freckles on Mar 24, 2008 22:44:51 GMT -5
When you are Positive then Positive things happen negative brings negative Be Happy, dont Worry
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Post by Mod (PQ-Kermie) on Mar 24, 2008 22:46:24 GMT -5
yea you can... now knock it off and start fighting back
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Post by finding on Mar 24, 2008 23:14:39 GMT -5
When you are Positive then Positive things happen negative brings negative Be Happy, dont Worry Life isn't that simple. Being positive and working on moving forward has brought me nothing but being kicked in the gut. After the last two years and losing everything, my fight is gone. there is nothing left, my soul and my spark is gone.
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Post by crushy on Mar 25, 2008 0:34:21 GMT -5
I know you feel like your fight is gone, but you still have that 'kick butt' spark that makes you who you are. I'm not going to blow smoke up you and tell you your life is a bed of roses, but I will tell you that I look up to and admire you because you are one strong chick. You've got more bite and kick than most anyone I know. How else could you be where you are right now. I've been through nothing like you have and yet I was down earlier this evening and got the 'this is not a pep-talk, just a reminder of the woman I fell in love with'. It took some time and talking, but by the time we hung up, I was ready to whoop some ex butt. With all you have on your plate, you have every right to feel kicked in the gut. Heck, I'm surprised you're still standing. Lean on us for a while until you're rested enough to come out swinging again. Crushy
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Post by kittenhart on Mar 25, 2008 1:55:32 GMT -5
Finding,
Maybe you should take a "mental health day" and just succumb to the bad feelings for awhile.....sometimes that makes me feel better, actually. If you could get your folks to take the kids for a day or two, you could just stay in bed. If not, maybe just keep the kids home with you and sit around and talk about the grief of the past year. I know it sounds kind hokey zen crappola,,,,but as they say "acknowledge the pain (breathe in).....and then just let it go (breathe out)......"
At any rate, I know being all happy-camper Pollyana-ish will only get you so far some times....and then you just have to run screaming from your life.
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Post by JimB on Mar 25, 2008 8:39:16 GMT -5
I agree - indulge in a little avoidance. No one can be yippy-skippy 24/7, when life is such a constant. How long since you had some real "you time"?
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Post by finding on Mar 25, 2008 10:29:59 GMT -5
I agree - indulge in a little avoidance. No one can be yippy-skippy 24/7, when life is such a constant. How long since you had some real "you time"? The kids were gone all last week. I took most of that time to myself. I'm still feeling blah, but doing a bit better. I went out to the garage last night to work on my painting projects and to let a lot of it out. My daughter came out to see what was wrong and we talked for a bit. She feels just the same as I do, but I've been holding it in with her trying to be strong, put on a brave face and all that.
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Post by sheyd on Mar 25, 2008 10:32:24 GMT -5
I'm glad you talked to her - that allows her to know she can share her burdens too! You are such a good mom! You don't have to be perfect, you know - it is ok to just relax sometimes... and it shows them that they can be ok when they need to share their troubles, too.
Shey
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Post by redskyatnight on Mar 25, 2008 11:52:41 GMT -5
The kids were gone all last week. I took most of that time to myself. I'm still feeling blah, but doing a bit better. I went out to the garage last night to work on my painting projects and to let a lot of it out. When I first started reading this, I thought you sounded tired and needed some rest and to hide from the world for a little while, but since you've had a little rest, maybe the best thing to do is to continue painting and really get it out.
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Post by jules on Mar 25, 2008 12:05:02 GMT -5
If i may make a crazy suggestion, maybe it would help to get out more rather than less. I don't know your daily schedule obviously, but I know you've mentioned that you're not working. I ended up taking 4 weeks off from work in December/January thinking it would help revive me. It ended up having the opposite effect because I had too much time to think and dwell, and I didn't have any obligations that forced me out of the house to deal with others for a good part of every day.
If working isn't an option, maybe some volunteer work will help give you a sense of purpose and distract you from the thoughts that can eat away at us if we give them room to do so. It can also give you something to feel good about, and enable you to meet likeminded people in your area.
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Post by finding on Mar 25, 2008 12:45:28 GMT -5
If i may make a crazy suggestion, maybe it would help to get out more rather than less. I don't know your daily schedule obviously, but I know you've mentioned that you're not working. I ended up taking 4 weeks off from work in December/January thinking it would help revive me. It ended up having the opposite effect because I had too much time to think and dwell, and I didn't have any obligations that forced me out of the house to deal with others for a good part of every day. If working isn't an option, maybe some volunteer work will help give you a sense of purpose and distract you from the thoughts that can eat away at us if we give them room to do so. It can also give you something to feel good about, and enable you to meet likeminded people in your area. I'm looking for work, but the economy here is really depressed. I've had many interviews, but nothing has come up yet. Part of the problem is this area is still small enought it has a "good ol' boys mentality". I've been told as much by prospective employers during interviews. I've looked at doing some volunteer work, but the programs all either on the other side of town, or they need someone who speaks Spanish. I've put my daughter in soccer with the hopes that it would help both of us to make some friends. I am completely ignored at the practices. This area is so funky. I'm a single white woman with three kids, so I am ostricized as if something is wrong with me. I've been trying to focus on the one good thing going on for us - - how well the boys are doing in school and trying to not feel guilty that they are doing so well while my daughter and I are floundering. Today I got a call from the school. My oldest son is in the office, he bit an aide in his class and drew blood. When will this fucking nightmare end?
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Post by jules on Mar 25, 2008 12:49:41 GMT -5
Do you mind if I ask why you're living in an area you clearly dislike? Sorry if that's too personal... but if there is nothing tying you there, maybe a change of location would help.
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Post by finding on Mar 25, 2008 13:00:08 GMT -5
Do you mind if I ask why you're living in an area you clearly dislike? Sorry if that's too personal... but if there is nothing tying you there, maybe a change of location would help. It's a long story. I was living in southern Oregon until last summer. During my ex's mental breakdown he did whatever he could to destroy my life. This included making false accusations against me to CPS. I temporarily lost custody of the kids last spring for about 3 months. I had the kids back in my custudy for 3 weeks before the ex killed himself. I proved the allegations to be false and got the case completely dropped, but in the meantime my parents stepped in and manipulated the state to get what they wanted, which was us back in Arizona and close to them. My hands were tied and I wasn't given a choice in the matter. I want to get out of here and head back to the Pacific Northwest, but nothing is working out the way I want or need to make it happen.
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Post by freckles on Mar 25, 2008 13:24:36 GMT -5
I work in a town 45 Miles away from where I live
Is there a Big City close by ?
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