hope
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Post by hope on Feb 2, 2008 15:04:10 GMT -5
I had been feeling better lately. I was happy about that, too. Last night I got really down again. I am trying to figure out why...it's the one year anniversary of my divorce next week. I didn't think it would affect me so much, but I think it's that. Also, it was my b-day a few days ago and I really didn't think I cared that he didn't contact me, but maybe I did more than I thought.
Ultimately, though, I'm pinning this on the divorce anniversary. I know those tend to affect me, even when I don't realize it. Ugh. I'll be glad when that's not on my mind anymore. One year. Wow.
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Post by lumpy on Feb 2, 2008 15:08:19 GMT -5
I think you just need to realize that this is no different really from any other time in your life. There are always going to be ups and downs. Was there a period of time in your life pre-divorce where you were always happy?
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hope
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Post by hope on Feb 2, 2008 18:42:24 GMT -5
No, not at all. But I had a lot of negative feelings after the divorce that I honestly never had before it -- not to that extent, or depth, or for that length of time. It was really very different. Like, I never had severe panic attacks before, for example. There's a huge difference between feeling badly through ups and downs of life, and living your life in a horrible emotional place that you never leave.
So, the concern I suppose is always that things will return to that level, rather than just the normal ups and downs of life.
Or, that when I fall into these feelings, they can sometimes last for weeks or months, turning into an overall terrible place to be, instead of let's say, lasting a few days, or seeming more managealble when are present.
Maybe the thing to realize is that you can feel badly for a few hours, or days, and then it can go away...or you can feel badly for awhile, but it can be manageably bad.
And, the other part is...I have of course felt badly about things since the divorce...but I don't want to feel badly about *that* in particular anymore. And I don't like when I do, maybe because the divorce triggered off such bad feelings and I don't want that to happen again.
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Post by kittenhart on Feb 2, 2008 19:08:41 GMT -5
So, the concern I suppose is always that things will return to that level, rather than just the normal ups and downs of life. Or, that when I fall into these feelings, they can sometimes last for weeks or months, turning into an overall terrible place to be, instead of let's say, lasting a few days, or seeming more managealble when are present. Hope, you've been doing so much better though...until just this past week you said, so I don't think you should worry that this funk will pull you down for too long....maybe it's better to just openly mark the anniverary of your divorce next week in some way, rather than trying to push it out of your mind. Maybe it will make the shittiness of it pass faster. Do you still have anything of his that you could use to start a bonfire? You could have a big fire and invite some close friends over (?) or do something that you don't normally do to mark the event in some way. That way you can acknowledge it and maybe move on from it faster? Just a suggestion. I think some people do better with outright repression and denial and other people....not so much... my thoughts are with you though, hope.
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hope
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Posts: 36
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Post by hope on Feb 2, 2008 21:07:13 GMT -5
So, the concern I suppose is always that things will return to that level, rather than just the normal ups and downs of life. Or, that when I fall into these feelings, they can sometimes last for weeks or months, turning into an overall terrible place to be, instead of let's say, lasting a few days, or seeming more managealble when are present. Hope, you've been doing so much better though...until just this past week you said, so I don't think you should worry that this funk will pull you down for too long....maybe it's better to just openly mark the anniverary of your divorce next week in some way, rather than trying to push it out of your mind. Maybe it will make the shittiness of it pass faster. Do you still have anything of his that you could use to start a bonfire? You could have a big fire and invite some close friends over (?) or do something that you don't normally do to mark the event in some way. That way you can acknowledge it and maybe move on from it faster? Just a suggestion. I think some people do better with outright repression and denial and other people....not so much... my thoughts are with you though, hope. You know, you've given me an idea to toss around. I'm sort of ashamed to admit this...but I have yet to put away my wedding dress. It's still out in a place where I see it. I don't think about it anymore when I see it as if it means something...but it's there. And when I've thought about putting it away, I always think, no, I'm not ready, etc. So, that *has* to be done now...it's about time! And maybe that could be one good way to mark this. I like the idea of doing something to mark it. The day our divorce was final is actually Valentine's Day, by the way -- how weird is that!
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Post by jules on Feb 2, 2008 21:28:38 GMT -5
I think it's great that you have a plan of something to do. It will make you feel strong. I remember the day I finally took our pictures off of the walls. (Yes, I left them up too long -- just didn't look at them.) I expected to feel horrible about it, but I just felt sort of blase about it. Another chore done. But I felt better after knowing I had done it.
Try to spend as much time as you can with loved ones -- preferably ones who make you feel really good about yourself.
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hope
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Post by hope on Feb 2, 2008 21:35:39 GMT -5
I think it's great that you have a plan of something to do. It will make you feel strong. I remember the day I finally took our pictures off of the walls. (Yes, I left them up too long -- just didn't look at them.) I expected to feel horrible about it, but I just felt sort of blase about it. Another chore done. But I felt better after knowing I had done it. Try to spend as much time as you can with loved ones -- preferably ones who make you feel really good about yourself. Yes, in some ways, it is another chore that needs to be done, to put away the dress. I think I'll feel better after too. I have to spend time with some people that day -- who I like...but one of whom has not always responded that well about the divorce. Can be nice about it...but can also be kind of dismissive and has a tendency to make me feel like I'm less worthy or important than other people are. I kind of want to just tell them what day it is and acknowledge that because I'm the kind of person who will have it on her mind, and just saying it (not necessarily talking about, but acknowledging it) would be helpful. I'd feel less isolated, I think. I have to think of a way to handle that situation, too.
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