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Post by goods on Mar 26, 2008 13:14:30 GMT -5
STRENGTH!!! STRENGTH to let the past go. STRENGTH to lose the feeling to fix her, to help her. Yesterday I told her that I think I care more about her than she does................ She agreed. STRENGTH to move on with my life. STRENGTH to realize I can never get past all of the bad she has done. STRENGTH not to be the shoulder for her to cry. STRENGTH not to open the door and let her in when she shows up drunk and crying. STRENGTH STRENGTH STRENGTH STRENGTH to not be such a sap. STRENGTH to be the best person, father I can be. STRENGTH for my son. STRENGTH to realize she had a couple years to change, she choose the destructive path over and over again. STRENGTH not to get pulled in again. STRENGTH
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Post by lumpy on Mar 26, 2008 13:20:42 GMT -5
Hey! Intelligence and Wisdom are important too. Try and realize that you can't save someone who's unwilling to save themselves. She's not your problem anymore.
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Post by murdock on Mar 26, 2008 13:20:48 GMT -5
You still love her. That isn't a bad thing. Just stand your ground, if you feel you must. Second chances are hard to deal with... especially when you can't let the past go.
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Post by goods on Mar 26, 2008 13:25:14 GMT -5
Thanks Lumpy, she is not my problem anymore.... but I still care. Murdock, it's not really a matter of second chances anymore...Yesterday I realized I could never get over all of the sleeezy things she has done. I could not have that image of her as something pure, that I once had. To me that woman is dead, lost forever.
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Post by murdock on Mar 26, 2008 13:40:34 GMT -5
Why does she have to be pure?
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Post by lumpy on Mar 26, 2008 13:45:24 GMT -5
Thanks Lumpy, she is not my problem anymore.... but I still care. To me that woman is dead, lost forever. That's a powerful thought that you need to hold onto. You care about the person she was or the person you thought she was, not the person she is now. I know that reasoning helped me quite a bit.
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Post by goods on Mar 26, 2008 13:50:00 GMT -5
pure to me was a state of mind.... When we met, she had a 4 yr old daughter, obviously she was not a virgin, she had dated etc etc.... When we started dating we did not discuss history, I preferred to think of us as new, "pure" to each other. I kept that image of her in my mind, in my heart for much too long.... She cheated on me, left our marriage, several times slept with her good "friend", who is married to a "friend", turned her back on her friends and daughter in favour of drinking and shacking up with another guy.... All of this history I am not strong enough to get past.....
AND the fact is there are many women out there. AND even if I was never to have someone special in my life again, I am better off than the pain I would suffer being with her.
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Post by jules on Mar 26, 2008 13:50:26 GMT -5
You care about the person she was or the person you thought she was, not the person she is now. I know that reasoning helped me quite a bit. ditto x infinity. i remind myself of that frequently. eventually it starts to sink in.
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Post by Saucy on Mar 26, 2008 13:50:51 GMT -5
babe. your feelings and emotions are regressing because the divorce is final. And that is just reality for you that its finally over. And its okay to still love her. You could also work on forgiving. Forgive without limitations. Forgiving will help you move forward with all of this. It doesnt mean just because you forgive her, you have to be nice or stay in contact or be with her again.
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Post by goods on Mar 26, 2008 13:51:15 GMT -5
Thanks Lumpy, she is not my problem anymore.... but I still care. To me that woman is dead, lost forever. That's a powerful thought that you need to hold onto. You care about the person she was or the person you thought she was, not the person she is now. I know that reasoning helped me quite a bit. yes sir...............
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Post by goods on Mar 26, 2008 13:53:19 GMT -5
babe. your feelings and emotions are regressing because the divorce is final. And that is just reality for you that its finally over. And its okay to still love her. You could also work on forgiving. Forgive without limitations. Forgiving will help you move forward with all of this. It doesnt mean just because you forgive her, you have to be nice or stay in contact or be with her again. forgiving is something I struggle with...... I spent much of the summer consumed in hate, Saucey you helped me out of that. I will not fall back into....
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Post by Saucy on Mar 26, 2008 13:54:00 GMT -5
Hang in there goodie man. You are a great person. Divorce doesnt at all define who you are.
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Post by murdock on Mar 26, 2008 13:54:44 GMT -5
Please remember I am not an ojarian... but I did go back to read your posts over there about her. I just can tell in the tone of your words that you do still love her. I am extremely curious to hear what happened in her relationship prior to yours... sounds like a lot of hate and resentment towards someone was dumped on you. I want you to be happy... because you are such a gentle loving man that you deserve happiness. I don't want you to rush back to her. I am just trying to let you know that even if you do still love her it is ok. Now, the question if she will love and respect you the way you deserve seems unable to be answered.
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Post by lumpy on Mar 26, 2008 14:06:13 GMT -5
You care about the person she was or the person you thought she was, not the person she is now. I know that reasoning helped me quite a bit. ditto x infinity. i remind myself of that frequently. eventually it starts to sink in. I was fortunate in that my ex often provided me with overt examples.
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Post by goods on Mar 26, 2008 14:07:51 GMT -5
I found out Monday that she had been reading all of my Ojar posts..... all the pain, problems. She never contacted me about any of it.
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