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Post by hoodieprincess on Feb 11, 2008 11:57:57 GMT -5
especially people who claim to be sick, or always in pain, yet the doctors cant find a damn thing wrong with them! Can I just pop in here and add that it doesn't always mean the person is liar? Promise...
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Post by loshyra on Feb 11, 2008 13:33:57 GMT -5
The people that lied about the wife having cancer, I believed lived somewhere in UT. I think it was up north, Layton or Ogden, or down in Provo... I could be wrong, but I believe that this resurfaced in the last few months because the trial is over, and they have been ordered to go to jail. It is sooo sad that people think that they have to lie to that extent to get love and support.
I agree also with Hoodie, that just because the drs can't find the reasons for the pain, doesn't always mean that the person is lying. I actually think that it is harder for the individual when they can't give you reason for the pain and suffering, then it is when they can tell you exactly what it is.
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Post by jules on Feb 11, 2008 13:59:14 GMT -5
It amazes and frightens me how little many members of the medical community know about certain illnesses and diseases.
Case in point: my mom was the one to tell one of her student teachers that there is a surgery to help her (the student's) mother's disease. Ironically because it's the surgery my father had recently for the very same disease. The poor woman has been suffering for months and months and doctors never mentioned surgery as an option. Scary.
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Post by pennylane on Feb 11, 2008 16:02:14 GMT -5
about 10 years ago, I was very ill When I went to the doctor, it was somone who was oncall and apparently having a bad day. He kept questioning me about my disability and spinal cord injury. I finally said "what does this have to do with my being in a wheelchair, I'm sick for God sake" He then proceeded to ask if I was depressed. OMFG!!!
(turned out I ended up with a horrible case of upper respirtory infection and almost landed me in the hospital) Missed about 3-4 weeks of work which is HUGE for me. Anyone who knows me, knows that I am not one to complain or whine. I was humilated that this guy treated me so poorly.
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Post by wizer on Feb 11, 2008 16:21:17 GMT -5
Ok... I just have to step in... Liars have problems, it is a compulsive thing, sometimes. Often it is based in insecurities, major fears, etc. They lie because they can't handle dealing with reality or the truth. Yeah, it can MESS UP those around them. So does that mean we just continue to play into it? That we should keep posting our sympathies and our concerns, and our hope that she gets better? Or do we just ignore it?
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Post by sheyd on Feb 11, 2008 17:28:30 GMT -5
We should never play into it. It actually makes it worse for the person who is lying. However, it is a very scary thing when lies are found out. We have all faced that before! When the lies are larger, or protecting something really sensitive, it is especially difficult. My daughter has a really hard time with this, and how to handle it is a really tricky thing for me. The trouble is, when someone lies from deeper problems, being confrontational produces the OPPOSITE of the intended outcome. You actually prove the world IS a scary place, so don't let the truth get out, no matter what. It can be a vicious cycle.
Shey
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Post by wizer on Feb 11, 2008 17:37:41 GMT -5
The trouble is, when someone lies from deeper problems, being confrontational produces the OPPOSITE of the intended outcome. You actually prove the world IS a scary place, so don't let the truth get out, no matter what. It can be a vicious cycle. Good point. I guess I feel like I am being played for a fool. I don't like being played for a fool.
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Post by sheyd on Feb 11, 2008 17:52:32 GMT -5
No likes it! That is why we all get so hurt and angry and defensive! Just remember, if someone has to lie big to protect themselves or build themselves up, it is covering some deep pain or fears. We shouldn't let someone beat us up or be dishonest to us, but neither do we need to beat them up.
Shey
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Post by wizer on Feb 11, 2008 18:53:25 GMT -5
We shouldn't let someone beat us up or be dishonest to us, but neither do we need to beat them up. So how do you accomplish both of those things?
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Post by sheyd on Feb 12, 2008 11:15:08 GMT -5
You gently let them know that you KNOW they lied, that you NEED to have honesty, (including telling them honestly that you can't continue to put them in positons where they could abuse your trust) but you restrain yourself from taking out your hurt and anger on them. Cleaning up puke is gross, but you don't yell at the sick person because you have to clean up after them. People who lie big are sick, in a way. They need gentle care, healing, and encouragement to get healthy. If you can't be around them because their lies make your life too difficult, just be gentle and honest about that. You don't have to go off on them. If they are children, let them know that lying means they won't be trusted in areas they WANT to be trusted, and show them those and other consequences of lying. Explain how they can get in REAL trouble. Someone hurting you or making you angry doesn't mean you need to lower yourself to hurting them back.
Shey
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