I DON'T WANT TO FUCKING HEAR HOW MUCH B LIKES IT AT THE RANCH!!!!!! I spent two months out there trying to make it work, no chance at work whatsoever, I was known as the widowed rancher's daughter, and no one would fucking talk to me. There is no AC in a two bedroom trailer in AZ. Uhm hello, there were three adults and three kids living in a two bedroom trailer that is completely off the grid? THAT IS NOT ACCEPTABLE!!!!!! Especially seeing as how you turn the hot water heater off in the summer time. Hot water is required by law for christ's sake!!!!!!!!
No, when my lease is up I am NOT moving back there. The school system sucks. The boys were going every other day and the system there is a glorified babysitter. NOT ACCEPTABLE!!!!!
Oh, and yes he was the father of my children, but that does not mean I miss him and wanted to be with him. I didn't want him to die, and I wish he could have gotten his life together for the kids sake, but our relationship was OVER a long time ago. I will not spend my life wishing and wanting for "what might have been". There was nothing left there.
Don't ever fucking tell my kids I am going to go to hell because I have a tatoo. I don't care if you don't like it. That is NOT acceptable. You have no idea how far you have pushed me.
God, I wish I had the money to just pack up and leave now. You may be family, but I deserve better than this.
I swear to you, if I had the $ right now, I'd send it to you in a heartbeat. Isn't it funny how those that have not walked in our shoes can judge you? Even more frustrating is they don't live our day to day lives?
I sent you a PM seconds before I read this. I know I'm miles away, a stranger and just some black and white words, but please know I'm praying for you and my heart literally aches for you and what you're going through.
I have no words that I truly believe will benefit you right now, but please try not to let those judgmental bastards make you feel badly about yourself and what you've done with your life and your childrens' lives.
You're right, your marriage was long over and you shouldn't still be paying some price just because he's gone when your kids (and you yourself) need you and what you have left.
I know you're stretched thin. I won't insult you by saying I understand because I can't even imagine what you're going through. You need employment to take care of those kids and sometimes, you have to decide between two negatives, not a positive and a negative. Yeah, maybe someone can try to say if you left, it would bother one, but what about everything else you need to take care of?
You're a great mother. Do what you need to do to take care of them because he's not here and those that are judging you are not going through what you're going through. I can't even imagine!!!
A tat? Hello??? I know it's hard, but let their pathetic, shallow, judgmental words roll off of you because you've gone through and succeeded at more than they probably ever will.
I don't have near the story you do, but regrettably, those that I wondered about their coping skills (in the heat of my pain), etc would do if they'd have some pain first hand are and now experiencing and I'm now feeling guilty for that. Just do what is best for you and your kids. Hold your head high. You are awesome!!!!
Thanks guys, but lately I haven't been awesome. I haven't been living up to my responsibilities and have not only let myself down, but my kids as well. I'm seeing that now, am a bit stronger, and working on getting us all where we need to be.
Maybe, just maybe once I start getting things back in order life will start getting a bit better. I've let too many things go at this point.
If only it were that easy Freckles. Life has given me such a series of nockout blows that I'm still reeling from. Yes, the to do list has gotten longer and longer, but it is not those issues that are wearing on my soul.
I am sick and tired of being told I am a liar and a manipulator by my family because I won't put up with their crap. I confront them on things that are not appropriate and it is turned around as my fault and that I am the one with issues.
No, I am not perfect, nor do I pretend to be, but the emotional damage they are doing to all of us is getting to be too much.