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Post by Phyxius on Jan 3, 2008 16:32:05 GMT -5
To me, that screams "you're just not worth the effort". But that's just me. That's one comment out of the whole email. I explain that I intend on continuing the relationship. She leaves in 2 weeks for Africa for 9 months. Surely she can't expect me to start some romantic thing with her without even seeing her in real life, nor being able to see her for 9 months. My email should scream nothing but realism and logic. Honestly, I'm not trying to bust your b*lls here, but your email screams nothing but fear. Just sayin'...
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Post by blazinheart on Jan 3, 2008 16:34:18 GMT -5
That's one comment out of the whole email. I explain that I intend on continuing the relationship. She leaves in 2 weeks for Africa for 9 months. Surely she can't expect me to start some romantic thing with her without even seeing her in real life, nor being able to see her for 9 months. My email should scream nothing but realism and logic. Honestly, I'm not trying to bust your b*lls here, but your email screams nothing but fear. Just sayin'... Fear? Why, because I don't want pour my heart into a relationship that is based upon emails and phone calls?
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Post by Phyxius on Jan 3, 2008 17:11:41 GMT -5
Honestly, I'm not trying to bust your b*lls here, but your email screams nothing but fear. Just sayin'... Fear? Why, because I don't want pour my heart into a relationship that is based upon emails and phone calls? No, I'm saying that you are looking for a reason to run from... What would it take to make you pour your heart out to her? Somehow I get the feeling you might run faster if she were physically there. Not picking on you dude - that's just what I see...
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Post by Saucy on Jan 3, 2008 17:15:37 GMT -5
To me, that screams "you're just not worth the effort". But that's just me. That's one comment out of the whole email. I explain that I intend on continuing the relationship. She leaves in 2 weeks for Africa for 9 months. Surely she can't expect me to start some romantic thing with her without even seeing her in real life, nor being able to see her for 9 months. My email should scream nothing but realism and logic. Blazin, You had the courtesy to tell her how you really feel about it rather then to just let things slowly fade away and ruin all future possibilities with her if you two should ever meet. IMO, you did the right thing, and clearly you weren't being a di*k about it either. Right on.
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Post by jules on Jan 3, 2008 17:18:56 GMT -5
My $0.02, for what it's worth: I totally see where you are coming from, and I actually agree with you that it's sort of fruitless to have any sort of expectations of a romantic relationship with someone with whom your only communication is by phone and email. I'd also agree that keeping the friendship alive and well is a good thing, and you never know what friendship can turn into should circumstances change.
That said -- the email is pretty cold. Can you not discuss your feelings on this matter with her when you speak on the phone? If it helps to write down the points you want to make before hand, go ahead and do so. But the tone will come across as warmer (hopefully) since though body language and facial expressions will still be lacking, the way you say the words will help to express that you feel the need to express yourself on this matter precisely because you do care about her.
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Post by JimB on Jan 3, 2008 17:24:57 GMT -5
My email should scream nothing but realism and logic. Applying such things to an email intended for a female to read? Perhaps it's time your man-license came up for review.... Seriously, realism and logic are killers of budding relationships. I can understand you not wanting to string her along, but your realism and logic have likely killed any idealism and hope she might have had. I just think you've closed a door that you intended to leave open just a crack. There are women out there who are secure enough to read your letter in the way you intended it, but I fear they are a small minority. Hope your friend is one of those....
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Post by freckles on Jan 3, 2008 17:26:50 GMT -5
You should talk to Her in Person just my 2 cents
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Post by Saucy on Jan 3, 2008 17:32:15 GMT -5
Honestly I was in the same situation, only difference was that the "man" didnt even tell me anything before he decided to just stop calling/emailing/texting/whatever. The last time we spoke, he was all charming and loving and caring and then the following days to come *poof*...nothing. No return calls, no return emails, no return nothing.
If he wasnt that interested at all because of our situation being long distance, ANY form of communication letting me know he wasnt interested in continuing anything would have been GREATLY appreciated. So at this point, i really don't think that being realistic and logical isnt all that bad. IMO.
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Post by blazinheart on Jan 3, 2008 17:36:41 GMT -5
Her response to me:
"D,
First, I want to say that I haven't had great experience with honesty from males in the past few years so I almost don't know what to do with it. But I appreciate it and you so much. You have no idea.
Second, I agree with you. Honestly. Relationships are hard enough for those that live together, let alone those that are long distance. And physical attraction is important. Absolutely.
I do want to be friends and I do look forward to getting to know you better. You ask great questions and are incredibly easy to talk to, or write too as the case may be.
As much as I have been so impressed with you and completely interested, there's been this part of me that was terrified. I have talked to people through e-mail and formed incredibly deep friendships through the phone but never anything more than that. So I know I'm great at that. But this, I don't know. What if I was bad at it? What if I screwed it up?
I've said a lot of things. So what it boils down to for me is that I value your friendship and look forward to knowing you better. Please don't feel weird or like you've disappointed me or anything. I think you're funny and witty. And I think you're going to be a great friend. And I like that.
I'll talk to you soon, a"
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Post by jules on Jan 3, 2008 17:49:52 GMT -5
"A" sounds like a really cool chick. It's good that she "gets" you enough so your note was received in the spirit that you intended.
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Post by blazinheart on Jan 3, 2008 17:51:52 GMT -5
"A" sounds like a really cool chick. It's good that she "gets" you enough so your note was received in the spirit that you intended. Yeah, but her email sounds a bit scattered and dissassociated. That's uncharacteristic of her. I think I rattled her. Maybe I should call her.
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Post by wizer on Jan 3, 2008 17:53:03 GMT -5
Especially since you said if it doesnt work out with her, you are giving up on women altogether.
You DO remember you said that, right?
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Post by jules on Jan 3, 2008 17:56:05 GMT -5
If you call her to discuss it further after she's already indicated "message received and understood" it could embarass her. Though a general phone call couldn't hurt, and if the topic happens to come up, so be it. She could sound a bit "scattered" because she wasn't quite sure how exactly to respond. Point is, she got it, she wants to be friends, you two are both on the same page. Hammering the point home isn't really necessary.
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Post by blazinheart on Jan 3, 2008 17:57:26 GMT -5
If you call her to discuss it further after she's already indicated "message received and understood" it could embarass her. Though a general phone call couldn't hurt, and if the topic happens to come up, so be it. She could sound a bit "scattered" because she wasn't quite sure how exactly to respond. Point is, she got it, she wants to be friends, you two are both on the same page. Hammering the point home isn't really necessary. Well fuck! I just called her and got her voicemail. Isn't there a damn handbook on how to read women?!
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Post by jules on Jan 3, 2008 18:04:50 GMT -5
Well fuck! I just called her and got her voicemail. Isn't there a damn handbook on how to read women?! Um, not needed. It's called common sense.
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