Post by ionysis on Apr 1, 2008 4:11:10 GMT -5
This week I read an extremely interesting and incredibly insightful book called "Facing Love Addiction" by Pia Mellody.
I want to get better, I want to grow spiritually, mentally and emotionally. I want to be a mature and responsible adult who can take care of her own wants and needs. I want to be a whole person. I need to try to recover from the obsessive impulses and ingrained fears which have driven so much of my behaviour throughout my adult life. I have been addicted to love and relationships. I have been unable to accept responsibility for my actions and have autonomy over my life.
I was powerless over Richard and our lives had become unmanageable.
I need to take control over myself and recover from my addiction in a healthy way. I need to undertake a searching and fearless moral inventory of myself. I need to try to identify those values which are core to the way I want to live my life and examine how I operated outside of those values as a result of my unhealthy relationships and co-dependence.
Rather than journal privately I am going to use this board to try to record the process of attempting to address the negative patterns and processes which have become ingrained in the way I deal with relationships. It might be helpful for others to read but regardless I am certain that it will be helpful for me.
The first journalling exercise involves identifying the various relationships in my life where I have:
1. spent a disproportionate amount of time, attention and value on someone above myself;
2. held an expectation of unconditional postive regard at all times; and
3. neglected self-care activities because of my focus on my partner in our co-addicted relationship.
The second is to describe how I have experienced passing through each stage of the emotional cycle of an obsessive relationship:
1. Attraction to the seductiveness of the person
2. Feeling high as my fantasy was triggered
3. Feeling relief from the emotional pain of lonliness, emptiness or of not mattering to a partner
4. Showing more neediness and denying the realities of the Avoidant partners walls
5. Developing awareness of the partners distancing behaviour and denial crumbling
6. Experiencing withdrawl and feelings of pain and rejection
7. Obsessive planning to "fix" the relationship
The third exercise will begin the recovery process.
1. Describe things I must do to stop my primary addictive processes (stop excessive partying, drinking, eating, sleeping with inappropriate people etc.)
2. Examine my perception of reality, deal with self-esteem issues and acknowledge meeting my own needs and wants.
I will also try to record here the progress or lack thereof in attempting to re-enter my relationship with Richard and establish a healthy and mature partnership.
I want to get better, I want to grow spiritually, mentally and emotionally. I want to be a mature and responsible adult who can take care of her own wants and needs. I want to be a whole person. I need to try to recover from the obsessive impulses and ingrained fears which have driven so much of my behaviour throughout my adult life. I have been addicted to love and relationships. I have been unable to accept responsibility for my actions and have autonomy over my life.
I was powerless over Richard and our lives had become unmanageable.
I need to take control over myself and recover from my addiction in a healthy way. I need to undertake a searching and fearless moral inventory of myself. I need to try to identify those values which are core to the way I want to live my life and examine how I operated outside of those values as a result of my unhealthy relationships and co-dependence.
Rather than journal privately I am going to use this board to try to record the process of attempting to address the negative patterns and processes which have become ingrained in the way I deal with relationships. It might be helpful for others to read but regardless I am certain that it will be helpful for me.
The first journalling exercise involves identifying the various relationships in my life where I have:
1. spent a disproportionate amount of time, attention and value on someone above myself;
2. held an expectation of unconditional postive regard at all times; and
3. neglected self-care activities because of my focus on my partner in our co-addicted relationship.
The second is to describe how I have experienced passing through each stage of the emotional cycle of an obsessive relationship:
1. Attraction to the seductiveness of the person
2. Feeling high as my fantasy was triggered
3. Feeling relief from the emotional pain of lonliness, emptiness or of not mattering to a partner
4. Showing more neediness and denying the realities of the Avoidant partners walls
5. Developing awareness of the partners distancing behaviour and denial crumbling
6. Experiencing withdrawl and feelings of pain and rejection
7. Obsessive planning to "fix" the relationship
The third exercise will begin the recovery process.
1. Describe things I must do to stop my primary addictive processes (stop excessive partying, drinking, eating, sleeping with inappropriate people etc.)
2. Examine my perception of reality, deal with self-esteem issues and acknowledge meeting my own needs and wants.
I will also try to record here the progress or lack thereof in attempting to re-enter my relationship with Richard and establish a healthy and mature partnership.