Did you know that when we were fighting in Sept or Oct about me travelling and you said that you wanted me around, that you wanted to be able to see my smile and touch my hair, my heart jumped. You know that feeling when you're in love. It was the way I felt when we first decided to live together five years ago. The way I felt when you said in Feb you'd come visit my parents with me. Even after we'd broken up, when you said you didn't know if you could feel the same about me again, that you used to feel like your heart was going to burst all the time I felt it. I just don't get how you could stop feeling that way.
I admit that you are not the right person for me. Neither of us could live the way we want to. Neither of us was getting the love we needed anymore. But there was still so much love after ten years and I feel like you made a huge mistake.
I'm so angry at the way you ended things. It could have been mutual, it could have been with respect. Why do you have to be such a child? So immature you don't even know you're immature.
how long is it going to take to get over this? I'm mad, then I'm sad. I feel free, then I long for you. When am I going to be able to imagine being in a relationship with someone else without feeling sad? The thought of true intimacy - holding hands, doing something boring because we're tired, not bothering to shower because we're too busy - really hurts.
this is driving me crazy. if only i could just feel one way about you. but it's hate, then anger, then sadness, then love and then around again. i want to call you and scream at you. how could you leave me this way? leave, fine. i know i'd been thinking about it for ages. i felt irritated when you were around. i think the whole thing for me is how could you have stopped wanting to be with me when i always felt that i had the upperhand. that i was the one that was unsure. but mostly, how could you do it the way you did? i know, i understand because i understand you. but how could you be such a selfish person to not just talk to me and let me go. why cheat, lie, string me along. how could i have stayed with someone like you for so long?
but how could you be such a selfish person to not just talk to me and let me go. why cheat, lie, string me along. how could i have stayed with someone like you for so long?
I was in the exact same place super... back and forth, thinking we were working on things, she strung me along....using me while still being with him. It was her selfishness... it took me many months to figure out....months on no contact helped me see things clearly.
I wish that I could send you the video to that new Pink song, Who Knew. It pretty much says exactly what I feel. I'm sure you haven't heard it, but I wonder if you have, do you identify with it? I guess if I sent it you probably wouldn't get it anyway. I always listened to the lyrics and you always listened to the music. It used to be "Maybe I'm Amazed", and now it's this. It's kind of funny, my other serious relationship was Jewel "You were meant for me" and then "Foolish Games". Life is very ironic.
You took my hand You showed me how You promised me you'd be around Uh huh That's right I took your words And I believed In everything You said to me Yeah huh That's right
If someone said three years from now You'd be long gone I'd stand up and punch them out Cause they're all wrong I know better Cause you said forever And ever Who knew
Remember when we were such fools And so convinced and just too cool Oh no No no I wish I could touch you again I wish I could still call you friend I'd give anything
When someone said count your blessings now 'fore they're long gone I guess I just didn't know how I was all wrong They knew better Still you said forever And ever Who knew
Yeah yeah I'll keep you locked in my head Until we meet again Until we Until we meet again And I won't forget you my friend What happened
If someone said three years from now You'd be long gone I'd stand up and punch them out Cause they're all wrong and That last kiss I'll cherish Until we meet again And time makes It harder I wish I could remember But I keep Your memory You visit me in my sleep My darling Who knew My darling My darling Who knew My darling I miss you My darling Who knew Who knew
sometimes i don't think about you for whole minutes at a time. i wrote a pages long journal article the other day that didn't directly mention you.
when he said he wanted to take me to a movie, i felt excitement. then i had to cry a little thinking about all the movies we went to together and our rituals. sometimes i think of things that are so uniquely me, and that you're the one that knows that. you're the one that knows who i mean when i say "that guy in the movie, the one with the hair, you know".
i hope you feel the same way. i hope you're missing me you pathetic bastard.
you know how i always have long, crazy dreams where i remember every detail? i've been so upset that i've barely dreamt in the last three months,except sometimes ones with you. last night i had a dream and you weren't in it at all.
wondering about this new guy is taking up more headspace right now than you.
for every step forward i take, and every time i feel okay, it hurts a little as i wonder if you are getting over me too. i know that i wouldn't take you back now, but a part of me still hopes that maybe in a year, in two years, one day. the next life? oh wait, i'm atheist. well, screw you.
i had such a good time this weekend. i made new friends and learned something new. I feel sorry for you because you will never be your own person. You don't have any real friends and instead of making some you are just running to the first available needy person. Lots of people live their whole lives that way. I guess that's what I did when we first got together, but it felt wrong for me. It really bugs me that you're with her. I know you can't feel about her the way you did about me, but it hurts that you just moved on to the next available girl.
I'm so not ready for that. I really want to be in a relationship, but I can't right now. It really bugs me that you're okay with it. I feel like I wasted so much of my life on trying to make you happy. At least now I know that I have to think about myself.
i'm so angry about the way things ended. we could have talked about it and ended it mutually. we could have been there for eachother. i wish that i hadn't lied so much. i'm angry that i'm dealing with the extra hurt that comes from knowing you don't want to be with me anymore, and you don't have to deal with that. in the end i insisted that i still wanted to try and wanted us to be together. i never told you about how unsure i was, that i did actually want to break up in july, that i had doubts for years. i want you to feel that pain now. i guess you did twice already, once when i physically left you and once when i broke up with you and moved to a new city. i guess the bottom line is that i want you to be hurting. i know you are somewhat and i know from the things you said that you know i didn't want or need you in my life really, but i just wish that i could impose some pain on you and be there to witness it.
i feel the way i did in highschool. i'm just living from social event to social event. i need to be with my friends at all times and i feel lonely. i hate that you leaving me can make me feel like i did back then. i have to keep reminding myself how awesome i am and how not awesome you are. i have come so far and none of it had anything to do with you. you just rode my coattails the whole way. i just don't get why i care so much. is it because you are with someone else? is it because i have finally gotten to the point in my life where i want to be with someone and now i'm not?
i miss you so much today. i've entertained the thought of calling you. i want to hear your voice and i want to feel your arms around me. but not YOURS, i mean you from four years ago. the person you were. the person i thought you were. i don't know what's wrong with me today, but i just feel that i love you so much. how can we not be right for eachother when we love eachother so much even after all this time? when we love eachother despite all of our flaws, or because of them. how could you have hurt me so much and moved on so quickly? i miss you and i want to watch juno with you. remember breakfast for dinner? that was our thing...i wish it was that easy for me to fall for someone else and forget you, to ignore the pain. i hate you too, and i wish i could just slide into indifference already.