Post by Kim Possible on Apr 14, 2008 9:58:22 GMT -5
I hate coming here to vent, because it makes me feel like I've made no progress over the past three years. But I need to, because I feel like I am getting closer and closer to therapy again, and I don't want to go there.
My daughter calls my ex this morning before school. He tells her he wants to take her to florida. He wants to go the same week she goes to camp with me. I am there as the camp nurse, and as she gets older, I see less and less of her during that week (meanwhile I always take it as one of my 2 vacation weeks with her. Not exactly a vacation with her).
So she asks me what wee we are going, I tell her, she relays the message from daddy as to the days. I tell her that daddy already said that week was okay for her to go to camp, and she hadns me the phone. I did not answer, I told her I was getting ready for work, she tells him that and they hang up. He calls back. I reject the call (I was already running late). He calls back again (typical pattern for him, he calls and calls and calls until I answer, then leaces a message after about 5 times ). I go onto my computer and reprint the written copy (that he wanted..... "In writing") telling him that this was the week we were planning to go. I give it to her to give to him, dated a month ago. He called and left a message saying that week was fine, and that he wouldn't argue with it b/c it was camp. I told her if we do not go that week, we cannot go. I already agreed to WORK there that week and they are holding a place for her. I am not budging on this, nor do I know if I really have the choice of another week at this point.
I was fuming, she started crying, I tried to reassure her that this is not about her, and why this is the week we are going. I also tried to explain that there are rules that mommy and daddy need to follow (re: custody) and that he is not following them.
I told her it is ultimately up to her. Then I listened to the message he left:
"If there is a conflict with the dates, then maybe we need to reconsider her going to camp. I have never given you a hard time about it for the last 2 years, and maybe its' time to get a lawyer involved".
Okay, first of all: given ME a hard time? Does he think it is my cup of tea to sit in a camp nurses office for a week straight, eat crappy food, have no internet or TV, and be lonely as hell? No, I do this for her, and have since she was 4 (the first summer, he and I were still together). This is so she can go for free, and he'd never let her go alone.
And second, a lawyer? This coming from the person who managed to get divorced without a lawyer, and I payed thousands of dollars for every adjourned court date, and all the evidence I needed to compile, and I was finally granted the divorce by default?
So yeah, I know he is making his usual idle threats, talking out his @$$. But, just like two years ago, it gets me all irked up. I am afraid to speak, for fear he may twist something I say, or I may end up saying the wrong thing. And the reality is, I do not have the money to fight this battle in court.
And now, it is affecting my daughter. He is putting her in the middle of this, and she is not handling it well. And I am not handling it well around her. I am tired of sugar coating everything for her. I don't think it's fair that i have to pretend I like him and am amicable in front of her, when the reality is, he is not doing the right thing. He's going to make me out to be the bad guy, and I am NOT going to let her think that.
My daughter calls my ex this morning before school. He tells her he wants to take her to florida. He wants to go the same week she goes to camp with me. I am there as the camp nurse, and as she gets older, I see less and less of her during that week (meanwhile I always take it as one of my 2 vacation weeks with her. Not exactly a vacation with her).
So she asks me what wee we are going, I tell her, she relays the message from daddy as to the days. I tell her that daddy already said that week was okay for her to go to camp, and she hadns me the phone. I did not answer, I told her I was getting ready for work, she tells him that and they hang up. He calls back. I reject the call (I was already running late). He calls back again (typical pattern for him, he calls and calls and calls until I answer, then leaces a message after about 5 times ). I go onto my computer and reprint the written copy (that he wanted..... "In writing") telling him that this was the week we were planning to go. I give it to her to give to him, dated a month ago. He called and left a message saying that week was fine, and that he wouldn't argue with it b/c it was camp. I told her if we do not go that week, we cannot go. I already agreed to WORK there that week and they are holding a place for her. I am not budging on this, nor do I know if I really have the choice of another week at this point.
I was fuming, she started crying, I tried to reassure her that this is not about her, and why this is the week we are going. I also tried to explain that there are rules that mommy and daddy need to follow (re: custody) and that he is not following them.
I told her it is ultimately up to her. Then I listened to the message he left:
"If there is a conflict with the dates, then maybe we need to reconsider her going to camp. I have never given you a hard time about it for the last 2 years, and maybe its' time to get a lawyer involved".
Okay, first of all: given ME a hard time? Does he think it is my cup of tea to sit in a camp nurses office for a week straight, eat crappy food, have no internet or TV, and be lonely as hell? No, I do this for her, and have since she was 4 (the first summer, he and I were still together). This is so she can go for free, and he'd never let her go alone.
And second, a lawyer? This coming from the person who managed to get divorced without a lawyer, and I payed thousands of dollars for every adjourned court date, and all the evidence I needed to compile, and I was finally granted the divorce by default?
So yeah, I know he is making his usual idle threats, talking out his @$$. But, just like two years ago, it gets me all irked up. I am afraid to speak, for fear he may twist something I say, or I may end up saying the wrong thing. And the reality is, I do not have the money to fight this battle in court.
And now, it is affecting my daughter. He is putting her in the middle of this, and she is not handling it well. And I am not handling it well around her. I am tired of sugar coating everything for her. I don't think it's fair that i have to pretend I like him and am amicable in front of her, when the reality is, he is not doing the right thing. He's going to make me out to be the bad guy, and I am NOT going to let her think that.