Ready to fly

[redskyatnight]

I feel odd, like the National Anthem has just finished playing and the game is about to start. It makes me excited and uneasy.

My ex was verbally abusive, manipulative, and sometimes physically abusive. Every time I would feel this way, the punishment would soon follow. I understand now that is why I feel uneasy and am hoping that through experience, the feeling will fade. There is no one to yell at me anymore.

So, I’m ready to go out, to meet people, to flirt, to have fun. Most of my girlfriends are married or single moms with full custody, so I can either sit at home by myself or go out by myself.

I found a group called meetup.com and they have some single’s functions, but I’m still scared to go on my own. Plus, the group has been around for a while and lots of the people already know each other. They even have a new member meeting, which I will go to, because the organizer has heard the older members are ‘cliquish.’

Help me! Help me break out, grab the ball, dribble down the court and slam dunk the basket.

Give me a script of icebreakers.

Tell me what you think when a woman sits at a bar alone.

Give me the guts to stand up straight, smile and make small talk.

Or if you are nearby, lets go out together.

[RO]

Meet up is actually a great way to meet new people.

I joined all kinds of groups in the past 3 years. I am more involved in charity events and joined various sporting clubs, and I have taken classes from cooking to foreign language.

All of these activities...I did on my own...not knowing anyone at all or in a couple instances 1 person.

It forced me out of my comfort zone and to meet other people.

A friend gave me a conversation starter box of questions and I used it at first. I am very outgoing usually but can be shy around new people.

Smile, be yourself...the light within you will shine.

I just joined a soccer team and start tonight at the end of the month...rowing begins. All of these activities force me to meet new people and push me to do new things.

Look at it as an adventure.

Be an active participant of your life! Have fun!

[JimB]

I can't say I'm near to you, or I would take you up on your offer. ;D

The best rule of thumb I can think of goes like this: people who are interested, are interesting. Most everybody likes to talk about themselves, so feed that need by asking questions. You'll find people gravitate to you if you come across as genuinely interested in their lives, their histories, their passions. And as a fringe benefit, listening to them talk gives you more opportunities to talk about yourself, while feeling less self-conscious about it.

And the great thing about asking questions is there are no wrong ones. When I first started dating, I stuck with fairly generic stuff ("what brought you here","where did you get that shirt", etc.), but that made me feel boring. So I decided to start asking people what I really wanted to know: what their great passion in life is. It was a great way to start a conversation, and it's always cool to see someone's face light up as they describe such a passion.

[sheyd]

I totally agree with RO and JimB all the way!

Icebreakers - a great way to break the ice is to notice something about the other person - "love your earrings", "you look as nervous as I feel - are you new here too?" "you look so relaxed - you must be really familiar with this place - I'm new!" "what a beautiful smile - makes me feel relaxed, thanks!" Compliments are great, because they make the other person more relaxed, too - as long as you don't go overboard. Admitting you are nervous is a great ice-breaker.

A woman alone in a bar... I don't think much either way. However, you should do things that you are interested in doing, alone or with someone else. Hanging out at a bar just kinda says you like drinking? Maybe if it is a piano bar, so you can sing along, or a dance club, where you could join other people who dance the way you do, or a karaoke bar, or someplace like a bar that has activities - darts, pool, etc. Just sitting and drinking alone... probably not a great idea.

As for the guts and smile - you HAVE those- or you would have posted here! You just need to go out and exercise them!

Shey