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Post by redskyatnight on Apr 22, 2008 11:48:42 GMT -5
My ex is supposed to pay half of my kid’s medical expenses and we split any agreed-upon expenses. I get no child support.
G*D he pissed me off last night; he hasn’t paid anything since July. He has only responded to my monthly spreadsheet of joint expenses when he thinks I will owe him money. If I let him get away with this, I fear he will try to get away with something else.
Last night, I asked him about the money he owes me. His argument is that I will owe him money in the future if I agree to pay him to babysit the kids after school, instead of paying the YMCA to watch the kids.
First, the co-parenting counselor has already said, twice, that he should not be paid to babysit his own kids. The ex agreed with this in counseling. Now he is retracting.
Second, he said he would pay for swim meet fees, so I didn’t include them on the spreadsheet. Now he wants me to split them with him. Retracting an agreement again. I told him fine, if he wanted to renegotiate swimming fees, I’d like to renegotiate the $1500 I’m paying for the kids to go to summer camp. He finally backed off.
Third, what he owes me now is one subject. What I might owe him in the future is another subject. He didn’t see my logic in that. I will never pay him to babysit his own kids. He even said, “I’d like to make a little money on it.” Gross!
I plan to bring this up on Friday in Co-Parenting Counseling, but I have to detatch my self emotionally. I said 'F U' to him last night and that gets us nowhere.
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Post by jules on Apr 22, 2008 12:19:14 GMT -5
ugh. i HATE it when people refer to fathers as "babysitting" their own children. that he actually wants to get PAID for spending time with the children that he fathered is absolutely disgusting.
going by his own logic, then he ought to pay you for all of the hours you spend with your children.
i really hope the counselor puts him in his place.
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Post by sheyd on Apr 22, 2008 12:45:08 GMT -5
That is actually a good point - ask for compensation for your time. You get no child support, so it isn't as if he is helping at all during that time. Then ask him for more money than he owes you, since he WILL owe you that in the future -and it is obviously difficult to collect from him so you would like an advance please! ;D
Shey
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Post by redskyatnight on Apr 22, 2008 14:52:33 GMT -5
He actually wants to get PAID for spending time with the children that he fathered. I'm going to use those exact words when we meet on Friday! Thank you! Then ask him for more money than he owes you, since he WILL owe you that in the future -and it is obviously difficult to collect from him so you would like an advance please! ;D Shey Thanks for the laugh!
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Post by kittenhart on Apr 22, 2008 16:14:41 GMT -5
I can't believe he thinks he should be paid for "babysitting" his own kids either....I would also ask to be renegotiating for child support if he is going to stop paying for half of their medical bills. ugghh.....I know all too well about ex's pushing buttons.....seems they're likely to keep pushng until they've reduced you to sputtering out "FU", then they can run off and tell everyone how irrational you are Good times.
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Post by piscesgoddess on Apr 22, 2008 21:22:59 GMT -5
You get the irrational comment too Kittenhart? and here I thought it was just me! Seyfert- you tell that lowlife you will discuss money when it comes to child support and nothing else.. maybe he needs to be scared into the fact that the state doesnt look kindly upon fathers that owe ooodles of back child support and that he could be looking at ohh.. I dunno.. losing his drivers license.. or .. not being able to get a passport.. or owing you his tax return for the next 18 years! Getting paid for babysitting his own kids!! What a creep! I know you probably want to keep the waters as calm as possible... but obviously ..he just wants to push your buttons..and he has. remember.. you have the ball in your court.. take back your power girl!! PG
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Post by redskyatnight on Apr 25, 2008 11:17:37 GMT -5
The ex and I had coparenting this morning. He finally wrote me a check for the money he owes, thanks to the counselor, and made an agreement to pay me quarterly. We made the same agreement last year, so I don't know why I'm suppose to believe that it will happen this time, but at least I have a check.
Oh, the check is post dated to May 2! (shakes head)
I feel so angry right now and I'm not sure why. I just want to tell him what a jerk he is and yell and scream at him. I am sofrustrated trying to deal with him. I don't even want to talk to him, but I have to find some way to deal with this for the sake of the kids. I'm the one who asked for coparenting to foster communication.
I don't believe one thing out hof his mouth, maybe that's why I'm angry. I'm tired of trying to do the right thing. That is exactly what he wants, me tired of trying because then I'll just give into whatever he wants.
Thanks for reading this, I feel better now.
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Post by freckles on Apr 25, 2008 11:40:43 GMT -5
You can cash a Check with any date on it I would take it to His bank and dont say anything to them about the date just cash it
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Post by Mel (cherry) on Apr 25, 2008 17:47:34 GMT -5
I'm pretty sure that if they cannot get it from that bank account and you spend it, it has to be covered somehow.....
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Post by redskyatnight on Apr 26, 2008 10:37:52 GMT -5
The post-dated check isn't a big deal. I'll wait, but what annoys me is that the post date is just another way to make me wait. Whatever. At least I got the money.
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Post by crushy on Apr 26, 2008 14:41:35 GMT -5
The post-dated check isn't a big deal. I'll wait, but what annoys me is that the post date is just another way to make me wait. Whatever. At least I got the money. I hear ya. The thing that makes our ex's the most irritating is they know just exactly what buttons to push and when. I can't recall how long you've been divorced, but it's true as time passes, it does get easier. My ex's most recent button he tried to push just cracked me up. He's upset with me because I have the nerve to have my mom drop my sons off to him for visitation while I'm at work since she gets off earlier. How dare I? His wife wipes his nose for him, but I'm a terrible parent because I've chosen to stay in Utah to keep my sons close to him. I'm bad because it's okay for his wife to be involved, but not for my mom? I didn't leave these boys for my mom!! It actually made my day rather than upset me this time because it's just so ridiculous. If that's all he has to complain about, then kudos to me. Hang in there girl. I understand it's not the $, but the act of trying to control. My ex gripes my mom delivers my sons to him, but finally just paid me 4 mos late on medical bills for our sons? Whatever!!
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Post by redskyatnight on Apr 27, 2008 13:31:08 GMT -5
Crushy
I think its cool your mom helps out. It gives your boys a real sense of family. Grandmom is around for the daily, mundane stuff, not just the holidays or family events. Good for you and she for having that.
I also know what you mean about seeing the ridiculousness of some of their thinking. I have a lot of that clarity now and am so ready for him to be out of my live. Unfortunately, my youngest just turned 8. The legal cooperation will have to last another 10 years, but when the kids are old enough to express an honest opinion and to have dreams of their own, I'm hoping my contact with him will be minimal. 10 years isn't that long. There is an end in sight. Woo Hoo.
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Post by crushy on Apr 27, 2008 21:16:18 GMT -5
Oh yeah, ultimate ex-hole test...dad that thinks spending time with his kids is 'babysitting'. Ultra ex-hole if he actually wants to be compensated. What a POS!!
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