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Post by redskyatnight on Jun 2, 2008 12:51:40 GMT -5
Saturday is a long time to have gone without talking if you talk every day, but give him some space. He might have been fishing all day yesterday and got home too late to call.
Maybe he slept late and doesn't want to interferre with your day. Maybe he wants to give you some quiet time. You are very busy with your own stuff right now, so maybe he wants to give you the time to take care of it all.
I know how seconds can seem like days when you are waiting for a call and how the mind can race, but try to think positive thoughts. You won't know what really happened until you talk to him and negative thoughts will only make you crazy. Plus you need the positive energy now to get well.
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Post by jules on Jun 2, 2008 13:36:53 GMT -5
try not to stress. it will all work out the way it is supposed to do so in the end. i'm really starting to believe this. (scary, huh? )
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Post by sheyd on Jun 2, 2008 13:44:55 GMT -5
I actually know they will, and that I will be ok no matter what... But now it IS starting to bug me a little, because I tried texting him to see if he was ok and tell him the time of Mooneye's surgery - no response. That actually bothers me. I just want to know he is still alive? Oh - and they fish overnight - he was going fishing Saturday night, and told me to call when I went home that night. I called, left a message - so... now I have visions of him and his dad at the bottom of a lake! Yeah - I know it is stupid, and I am controlling it - but a text back even a few hours later would have been nice.
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Post by freckles on Jun 2, 2008 14:55:39 GMT -5
I actually know they will, and that I will be ok no matter what... But now it IS starting to bug me a little, because I tried texting him to see if he was ok and tell him the time of Mooneye's surgery - no response. That actually bothers me. I just want to know he is still alive? Oh - and they fish overnight - he was going fishing Saturday night, and told me to call when I went home that night. I called, left a message - so... now I have visions of him and his dad at the bottom of a lake! Yeah - I know it is stupid, and I am controlling it - but a text back even a few hours later would have been nice. If He does not Talk to you during the Two Weeks then He is Immature Thats what Dr Laura Slessenger says
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Post by sheyd on Jun 2, 2008 15:09:57 GMT -5
I have no doubt he WOULD talk to me - if I called him, he would answer if he had his phone on him. I THINK he is just respecting my request to take a bit of time apart, and to truly enjoy our apart time. Fishing all night long, sleeping and relaxing during the day - this is his vacation, after all. He might not even have his phone on him! But I am a worrier - and I didn't hear from him for awhile, so I worry. I am just being silly, Frecks, don't worry.
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Post by Phoenixx on Jun 2, 2008 15:19:07 GMT -5
Oh, I know that feeling of mind-racing worry very well! Its the same thing I have, but usually there is a good explanation (in my case, my SOB ex was being...well, a SOB!). I think he is one of the good 'uns, and is actually just respecting your privacy to do your own thing. To elp him, he may have left his phone behind. Don't worry - easier said than done, I know. But try and relax about it... and vent here
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Post by redskyatnight on Jun 2, 2008 15:43:24 GMT -5
To elp him, he may have left his phone behind. Or he could be on long fishing trip, camping and not be able to connect to a cell tower.
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Post by Phoenixx on Jun 2, 2008 15:45:03 GMT -5
To elp him, he may have left his phone behind. Or he could be on long fishing trip, camping and not be able to connect to a cell tower. Or that
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Post by sheyd on Jun 2, 2008 15:51:05 GMT -5
Naw - they don't camp, they go to the local lakes. Plus, he will help his dad set up for his grandparents to move on to his land, so they won't be gone for too long. He does put his phone in the glove box when they are in the boat (in case he goes overboard), and he can't hear it in there. It would be easy enough to forget it in the early morning hours when they get home and just not grab it again. He knows I am ok with and encouraging him to just be where he is and not call, so it probably didn't bother him to leave it... like I said, I am just being silly... Still... wish he would just let me know he is ok!
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Post by sheyd on Jun 2, 2008 20:50:03 GMT -5
K, I'm weak, I called him! ;D He is just fine, I gave him most of the updates, and I know he is safe. I feel a million times better now, and I think I will be able to refrain from now on.
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Post by sheyd on Jun 4, 2008 9:23:49 GMT -5
Sorry, folks, just journaling, don't feel a need to respond...
Well... no talking yesterday again, but I am not worried or upset any more. There is no expectation of talking, and I am trying to stay away and let him be. I didn't expect a call, and honestly think I could go the whole two weeks without talking without getting worked up about it.
I feel like I miss him more than he misses me... I have things going on, kindergarten graduation yesterday, trainings, kid things, and I can't share them with him. He is fishing, relaxing, working -- and never HAS felt the need to share things with me. It is probably a relief to him, but to me it is lonely. I am less lonely when I am not in a relationship than when I am but can't share what I think should be shared...
I don't miss him in ways I thought I would... I LIKE having the bed to myself! I LIKE getting to make decisions, having to cook, being responsible for things alone in the house. I get more done, feel more productive. I usually don't do the things that are "his" or wait to make decisions until we can talk it out. That slows things down. Plus, I don't like doing things when he wants to be with me, so I will put off the dishes to watch a movie, etc. I LIKE this alone stuff... but I miss HIM. I miss his unique take on things, I miss seeing the girls lean on him when watching tv. I miss his smile, I miss his voice. I miss being able to turn to him to get the electronics going (even though I am perfectly capable of it myself!) I want to show him the present I bought him...
I want to be missed too. Somehow, I don't think I am. Yes, I know I will get yelled at for that. He misses home, I am sure... his stuff, the busyness, I'm sure he is bored, and his dad is probably starting to drive him nuts (I love his dad, btw... he doesn't bug me at all). I am pretty sure he misses his internet connection. But I think he is pretty happy, fishing... if he could just do that forever, I think he would pretty gladly leave the rest (including me!) behind. He didn't even call to see how graduation went. I think there is something in that I have to make myself see. I cling to the hopeful things... but I have trouble making myself see the things like that that I don't want to believe. He is GREAT with the girls, and loves them, but this whole parenting thing he has said he could take it or leave it - and I have yet to "believe" that. If he wasn't with us, he wouldn't look to have another family - he would be just as happy in a child-less partnership. I have to learn to understand that, and I just can't. How can you not wonder how the kids are doing? How can you not ask to talk to them? Kori wants to write him a letter, she has things to tell him, and she wants to talk to him. She wants a letter back - how do I tell her she probably won't get one? He might even start one, but it won't get out to her, probably... I just don't understand that, but this is my time to learn. I KNOW people are different from me, but I can't understand how the things I think most precious are so easily lost in the shuffle...
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Post by JimB on Jun 4, 2008 9:28:26 GMT -5
I feel like I miss him more than he misses me... I wasn't aware it was a contest.... Guy thing, I think. For guys, out of sight = out of mind. He'll realize how much he missed you when he gets back, or even on his way home. Also, pretty healthy that he's able to be content in his own space, don't you think?
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Post by sheyd on Jun 4, 2008 9:39:42 GMT -5
I wasn't aware it was a contest.... It's not a matter of a contest, Jim... it is a matter of not feeling special. Something (as you know) I have struggled with for a LONG TIME, and isn't just about him. I want to feel like life with me is better than life without me, and I don't. Guy thing, I think. For guys, out of sight = out of mind. He'll realize how much he missed you when he gets back, or even on his way home. So... if he didn't come home, he wouldn't notice I am not there? Not very appealing thought! And I am pretty sure his way home will be taken up mourning his loss of boat/fishing opportunities! LOL! Also, pretty healthy that he's able to be content in his own space, don't you think? From what you know about him - IS that healthy? He resides too much "in his own space", hence the no friends, no activities, no talking to people, no getting close. Even those who WERE his friends, he has dropped and they have let him. I think I would rather see a healthy balance of in your own space and interacting with others. I might spend too much time in the "with others" space, but he definitely spends too much time alone in his own space!
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Post by JimB on Jun 4, 2008 10:50:18 GMT -5
So... if he didn't come home, he wouldn't notice I am not there? Not very appealing thought! You're what-iffing. He is coming home, on a specific time frame, and it's precisely because of this that he doesn't need to invest energy in missing you. And there's a difference between missing someone and noticing they're not there, anyway. Attitude is everything, sweetie. If you've already pigeonholed his thinking in this way, it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. If you're attempting to read his mind (which you can't do anyway), why not read into it the best possible state of mind rather than the worst? Especially considering that his state of mind is likely to be much more positive after a couple weeks of down time.... I know you think that, but that's the mom in you deciding what's best for him based on your own experience. The manner in which he balances his life is entirely up to him, and while you may have opinions about that, they're not relevant. I would argue that a solo vacation is a much more pure form of escapism than any of the other solo pursuits he may have. As such, he may derive much more satisfaction from it than his day-to-day refuges. I would even go so far as to say this trip can nourish his spirit. So it follows that he'll come home refreshed, with a new outlook on life, and a greater appreciation for all he has. I'm going with that until proven otherwise - attitude, y'know.
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Post by sheyd on Jun 4, 2008 11:39:06 GMT -5
I like that greater appreciation thing... I'll try, Jim... but you know maybe more than anybody but A. where some of this is coming from...
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