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Post by hoodieprincess on Jun 23, 2008 12:33:48 GMT -5
So, as we kind of had a dinner party during our gathering this weekend, a question was raised and I thought I'd bring it here to see what answers I got...
When falling in love, do you tend to fall more for how a person makes you feel or is it based just upon the person they are?
What if the two don't totally match? (i.e.: There is a truely great person all around and seems to be most everything you're looking for in a person and yet with them, there doesn't seem to be much of a spark...Or, a person who doesn't fit all that you're looking for conventionally and yet you feel amazing around them.)
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Post by sheyd on Jun 23, 2008 12:45:38 GMT -5
Based on the person they are... and sometimes they HAVEN'T matched... sigh. But a very good question!!!
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Post by jules on Jun 23, 2008 13:01:01 GMT -5
I think "falling in love" is really just infatuation, and a great deal of that infatuation is based on how the other person makes you feel.
Love is a choice. And when choosing to love, you need to choose to love the other person -- the parts you like, and the parts you don't. And your focus is more on how you make the other person feel, rather than how s/he makes you feel, though of course how s/he makes you feel can affect your own feelings for and actions toward him/her.
(These are my current thoughts. Ask me again in several months or years, and I may have a different answer, as I work my head around what I believe regarding love and all it entails. ;D)
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Post by rocko on Jun 23, 2008 13:33:00 GMT -5
I fell in love with Kevin because he is a wonderful man. He is a good person and he actively does good things for other people. I fell in love with the person he is and because he is who he is it makes him try to make others happy he tends to make me happy most of the time.
My complaint is that sometimes he sacrifices his happiness for others too often.
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Post by JimB on Jun 23, 2008 14:52:57 GMT -5
You're essentially asking if love is emotional or rational. It's both.
"Falling" in love isn't something I can do anymore. As jules said, it's a choice. So that probably makes me too analytical. I can say looking back that when I did fall in love, it was more about me than the other person - it was all about my feelings moving to the very top of the priority list, and every other decision I made revolved around that. So even though one result was me doing wonderful things for the object of my desire, it still felt like a pretty selfish state of mind.
As for the conventionality of the "fit", I've seen it both ways too often to have a strong opinion one way or the other. "Yin and yang" seems to be just as common as "two peas in a pod".
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Post by redskyatnight on Jun 23, 2008 15:26:50 GMT -5
I think love takes time and it boils down to both. The person that they are, how they treat people, their beliefs, how they deal with frustration and how much you enjoy their company.
On the other side, it absolutely is how you feel around them. Why would you want to be around someone who makes you feel bad?
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Post by hoodieprincess on Jun 25, 2008 13:05:52 GMT -5
We were talking about it all because another friend at the party had been talking to two girls and isn't really dating either. One is most all he ever said he'd wanted in someone but that he didn't feel that strongly twords her. He said there was not a lot of chemistry between them. And the other girl, I guess she's less of what he's wanted. She has a little more difficult of a past and she falls less into current qualities he'd thought he'd wanted. But, I guess he says that she is still a really great person. Also he said that there are a lot of sparks between them. That things are easy and seem natural. That they just click...That is where this whole thing totally started from. I had been curious what you all said and got a lot of the same answers we got that night.
Actually, that night, most of the guys said that they would go for the person that had the automatic click since she was a also good person, they could handle all the other stuff not being exactly as they imagined.
The women of the group said they would go for the person who had fit all their wants and desires and assumed the sparks would develop over time. I found that outlook quite interesting.
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