Post by super on Jul 11, 2008 12:30:16 GMT -5
i don't think this letter is really for you. i don't know you or have any empathy for you anymore. i realized though that we haven't spoken in 7 months. 7 months! we were together for ten years.
i am angry at the way you just pretended we were never together. you blocked it out with work, the band, and a new girlfriend.
i realized last night that i miss you terribly. i miss the you from years ago though. i should have gotten out after two years, but i really should have gotten out 3 years ago. you should have let me go when i tried.
i don't understand how you changed. i just know that suddenly you had a job you liked (you're welcome for my pushing you to go to school, telling you that you were smart & could do it, supporting you financially, etc.) and it didn't matter how i felt anymore. you were happy. you finally had employers that liked you. and i was really happy for you! you just wanted me to be happy too, but only so i wouldn't bug you with my discontent. and there were strict boundaries that my happiness could be found in. we couldn't live in a part of the city i liked, we couldn't choose an apartment i liked, we had to stay in the same city - although your job was 100% mobile.
i know what you want. suddenly you needed a life like your brother's. a wife that would do what you say. who wouldn't have a career or opinions that would cause you to have to compromise. one that he would approve of. even though he pretty much ignored you for the five years we lived far away, when only i supported you and your whole family ignored your financial situation. do you remember you thought about going to the food bank? but i took care of you.
so yes, we went through some hard times. i was stressed, i was in school, you were broke, uneducated, with a crappy job. we went through all that and i stayed with you despite the tons of attractive guys with great futures that i went to school with everyday. i stayed with the guy who drove a delivery truck for minimum wage instead of leaving you for a guy attending the same prestigious university as you.
so i hope that you find that much support with her. i hope you realize how much i supported you. your every decision, dream, and hope. how much i gave up so you could be happy. i wonder if you'll ever realize how narcissistic you are. i really think it's not fair that you didn't have to spend some time alone with yourself.
thank god though that you did find someone right away. it let me realize what you are really like. it stops me whenever i want to contact you. it reminds me that you are not that person i loved even four years ago. you turned into a selfish, narcissistic, asshole. you are a liar, both to me and yourself. that you could actually convince yourself (and me!!) that i treated you badly and you were this poor abused man that couldn't escape. you were just needy, and you used me. you didn't give anything back, ever. it was always about you and i wish i had been older so that i could have seen it. you were a total waste of time. i never should have let you hold me back for so long. and i'm done with you now. you can't hold me back anymore.
i am angry at the way you just pretended we were never together. you blocked it out with work, the band, and a new girlfriend.
i realized last night that i miss you terribly. i miss the you from years ago though. i should have gotten out after two years, but i really should have gotten out 3 years ago. you should have let me go when i tried.
i don't understand how you changed. i just know that suddenly you had a job you liked (you're welcome for my pushing you to go to school, telling you that you were smart & could do it, supporting you financially, etc.) and it didn't matter how i felt anymore. you were happy. you finally had employers that liked you. and i was really happy for you! you just wanted me to be happy too, but only so i wouldn't bug you with my discontent. and there were strict boundaries that my happiness could be found in. we couldn't live in a part of the city i liked, we couldn't choose an apartment i liked, we had to stay in the same city - although your job was 100% mobile.
i know what you want. suddenly you needed a life like your brother's. a wife that would do what you say. who wouldn't have a career or opinions that would cause you to have to compromise. one that he would approve of. even though he pretty much ignored you for the five years we lived far away, when only i supported you and your whole family ignored your financial situation. do you remember you thought about going to the food bank? but i took care of you.
so yes, we went through some hard times. i was stressed, i was in school, you were broke, uneducated, with a crappy job. we went through all that and i stayed with you despite the tons of attractive guys with great futures that i went to school with everyday. i stayed with the guy who drove a delivery truck for minimum wage instead of leaving you for a guy attending the same prestigious university as you.
so i hope that you find that much support with her. i hope you realize how much i supported you. your every decision, dream, and hope. how much i gave up so you could be happy. i wonder if you'll ever realize how narcissistic you are. i really think it's not fair that you didn't have to spend some time alone with yourself.
thank god though that you did find someone right away. it let me realize what you are really like. it stops me whenever i want to contact you. it reminds me that you are not that person i loved even four years ago. you turned into a selfish, narcissistic, asshole. you are a liar, both to me and yourself. that you could actually convince yourself (and me!!) that i treated you badly and you were this poor abused man that couldn't escape. you were just needy, and you used me. you didn't give anything back, ever. it was always about you and i wish i had been older so that i could have seen it. you were a total waste of time. i never should have let you hold me back for so long. and i'm done with you now. you can't hold me back anymore.