Post by Kim Possible on Jul 14, 2008 15:49:14 GMT -5
In a round about way, my mother has made it clear that she does not approve of certain things I do. basically, regarding my bf. I don't think it is him per se, rather the idea that I sleep with him. Not so much at my house or at his house, but anywhere else, where anyone knows we do. I AM 34 YEARS OLD!!!!
Last weekend, we went away. My parents, my daughter, my bf and I. She knew from months ago that he was coming. I mean, why should I have to go away without him, because we are not married? Because we are not ready to take that step, after I have been divorced TWICE!!! I love him, and want to spend family, quality time with him and my daughter. She wouldn't even question it if it were my ex (and ironically, my ex would have never done a vacation like this). I understand, to an extent, that it has to do with my 8 yr old daughter. But, in her eyes, J coming along is like a sleep over. And honestly, are we gonna f#$% like rabbits in a hotel room with her in it? No we can control ourselves. So my mother strongly advised that she stay in the room with my parents....fine with me. But it was an awkward situation, me leaving my room after saying goodnight to her to go upstairs and 'live in sin' with my bf.
This week I leave for camp (where I am the nurse and my daughter goes as a camper). This will be the fifth year we are going, and have never had someone come and visit me up there. my ex couldn't be bothered to come up the first year, the next yr we were separated, and the next 2 yrs I was not with anyone. Last year, my bf (same one) was recovering from surgery so he could not come up. I was so upset and lonely. All I have is memories of feeling lonely while I am there for a week, with minimal contact with the world.
So I told my mom that J was coming up to visit. She asked if he was spending the night, I said yes. She ave me such a look, and asked 'is that acceptable'? I told her everyone else has So's who visit. The camp director has a bf, everyone knows they are not married (finally engaged), and he walks around like nothing. other nurses who have husbands come up, as well as other staff members bf's (who are much youget than me). Then my mom starts in with "what is he going to do" and "isn't he going to be bored"? It was as if she wanted to know why he was even coming out.
It bothers me for 3 reasons:
1) because I am a grown up, and she has made it a point to act like she doesn't tell me how to live my life, b/c HER mother did the exact same thing (and they have not spoken in 14 yrs). She is obviously better than her mom, and does not tell me what to do. The reality is, she can't. I guess she is just making it clear that she doesn't approve.
2) she is (and has always been) concerned about what other people think. That it is not accpetable to cohabitate wothout being married. She made that clear when my second ex husband were dating and looking for a place together. She said (and I quote, 11 yrs ago) "don't you think you guys should get married". We did, and the rest is history . She knows he sleeps at my house, and I at his, but I guess it's okay b/c no one else knows (yeah right)
3) It's as if she doesn't take our relationship seriously. That b/c we are not married, he doesn't mean as much. Now I am past the age of saying "but mommy, he loves me and I love him, and we're gonna be together forever", like a teenager. Does she not realize that I am not rushing into this one? I know she doesn't think i should rush into it, but it's very possible that if he and I make it that long, we will eventually live together. And I know that is something I have to deal with with my daughter. But (not that it makes it right) her father has been doing it since the day he left me, and it took us almost three years to get divorced.
I really don't know if there's any point in discussing this with her, b/c I think we will just end up agreeing to disagree.
Last weekend, we went away. My parents, my daughter, my bf and I. She knew from months ago that he was coming. I mean, why should I have to go away without him, because we are not married? Because we are not ready to take that step, after I have been divorced TWICE!!! I love him, and want to spend family, quality time with him and my daughter. She wouldn't even question it if it were my ex (and ironically, my ex would have never done a vacation like this). I understand, to an extent, that it has to do with my 8 yr old daughter. But, in her eyes, J coming along is like a sleep over. And honestly, are we gonna f#$% like rabbits in a hotel room with her in it? No we can control ourselves. So my mother strongly advised that she stay in the room with my parents....fine with me. But it was an awkward situation, me leaving my room after saying goodnight to her to go upstairs and 'live in sin' with my bf.
This week I leave for camp (where I am the nurse and my daughter goes as a camper). This will be the fifth year we are going, and have never had someone come and visit me up there. my ex couldn't be bothered to come up the first year, the next yr we were separated, and the next 2 yrs I was not with anyone. Last year, my bf (same one) was recovering from surgery so he could not come up. I was so upset and lonely. All I have is memories of feeling lonely while I am there for a week, with minimal contact with the world.
So I told my mom that J was coming up to visit. She asked if he was spending the night, I said yes. She ave me such a look, and asked 'is that acceptable'? I told her everyone else has So's who visit. The camp director has a bf, everyone knows they are not married (finally engaged), and he walks around like nothing. other nurses who have husbands come up, as well as other staff members bf's (who are much youget than me). Then my mom starts in with "what is he going to do" and "isn't he going to be bored"? It was as if she wanted to know why he was even coming out.
It bothers me for 3 reasons:
1) because I am a grown up, and she has made it a point to act like she doesn't tell me how to live my life, b/c HER mother did the exact same thing (and they have not spoken in 14 yrs). She is obviously better than her mom, and does not tell me what to do. The reality is, she can't. I guess she is just making it clear that she doesn't approve.
2) she is (and has always been) concerned about what other people think. That it is not accpetable to cohabitate wothout being married. She made that clear when my second ex husband were dating and looking for a place together. She said (and I quote, 11 yrs ago) "don't you think you guys should get married". We did, and the rest is history . She knows he sleeps at my house, and I at his, but I guess it's okay b/c no one else knows (yeah right)
3) It's as if she doesn't take our relationship seriously. That b/c we are not married, he doesn't mean as much. Now I am past the age of saying "but mommy, he loves me and I love him, and we're gonna be together forever", like a teenager. Does she not realize that I am not rushing into this one? I know she doesn't think i should rush into it, but it's very possible that if he and I make it that long, we will eventually live together. And I know that is something I have to deal with with my daughter. But (not that it makes it right) her father has been doing it since the day he left me, and it took us almost three years to get divorced.
I really don't know if there's any point in discussing this with her, b/c I think we will just end up agreeing to disagree.