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Post by crushy on Jul 28, 2008 15:52:53 GMT -5
My sons were 8 and 11 when we divorced, but since their dad has chosen to go back to court for joint custody, it's dragged out to where they are 16 and 13. They are incredible boys and have minds of their own. My ex is passive/aggressive as well as an ass, so I'm sure any resistance they show him is 10 fold of what I saw when I resisted him as an early teen... Last night, they left my custody for his for the next 4 wks as per standard visitation. To make conversation, I asked my youngest if he was excited to spend a month with his dad and he replied, 'It's not the most exciting thing that's happened to me, but it's okay.' It's been nearly 5 yrs and it still hurts me that they don't have the childhood I'd hoped for them. I consider it lucky they are older than most HT kids, etc because I can contact them via their cell phones anytime I want and not deal w/ my ex. Of course, the stinkers don't always have their phones on them... He's already informed me I get to figure out (just like last year) how to shop for their school clothes/supplies while I have them for 3 hrs the 3rd and 4th week and one weekend. No problem. I always find a way, but I'm frustrated he's such an ass and makes things as difficult as possible for me and for them if it will affect me...
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Post by crushy on Jul 28, 2008 16:11:20 GMT -5
'Success is the Best Revenge' has been my tag line since I joined Ojar years ago. It has proven to be so true. I am so grateful to my ex for leaving...of course, I don't appreciate the way he did it, but I am so grateful he did. We were not compatible. We both deserve to be happy. We were too young. I've kicked and screamed to keep our home, returned to work from disability, nearly died in another accident, recovered, bought a new car, refinanced our home and he's married trailer-trash, filed bankruptcy (each of them) only to be dismissed, had another baby, lost their house and fighting me in court over $!! How pathetic is that?
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Post by rocko on Jul 28, 2008 16:19:18 GMT -5
Sometimes I kick myself about how dumb I was marrying my ex. I only stop short because I love the kids and they would not be exactly who they are without his contribution.
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Post by kittenhart on Jul 28, 2008 17:00:28 GMT -5
I am so grateful to my ex for leaving...of course, I don't appreciate the way he did it, but I am so grateful he did. We were not compatible. We both deserve to be happy. We were too young. Thanks for putting that thought into words, Crushy. I think it helps sometimes just to see something written down.....I am twisting my mind around alot of different emotions today. I know it must be frustrating for you to feel that your boys have had their childhood disrupted in this way....but remember that it could have been disrupted much worse if you had stayed together unhappily for years.....they sound like you have done a great job regardless, so I guess success really is the best revenge
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Post by crushy on Jul 28, 2008 22:50:01 GMT -5
Thanks, girls. I'll probably be around more for the next month.
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Post by redskyatnight on Jul 29, 2008 10:04:38 GMT -5
Crushy,
You have fought and struggled and still have it all together. You must be very strong.
I understand your frustration. Reading your posts makes me think of my ex. He does different things, but the frustration seems to be the same.
Keep on getting that revenge. It will be sweeter as time goes on.
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Post by jules on Jul 29, 2008 10:10:13 GMT -5
No childhood is ideal. But your boys have a great mom with whom they have open and honest communication. They also have you as a role model to show them what strength and hard work can achieve. That is more than many kids have.
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Post by crushy on Aug 6, 2008 2:48:27 GMT -5
Thanks, Seyfert and Jules. Your encouragement means a lot to me. You're right, no childhood is perfect. I felt a whole new sense of empowerment yesterday afternoon. I had to send him an e-mail regarding one of the boy's school and was not at all surprised to receive a rude and sarcastic as well as insulting e-mail back. There was a time, I would have felt compelled to defend myself to him, but I refuse to do that anymore. I don't owe him an explanation. I have reasons for why things happened the way they did in this particular instance, but I don't have to answer to him - only the court if it comes up at our lame custody trial. 99% of the stuff that's gone down between us (always through e-mail, never voice to voice) can be explained if I'm asked to by my attorney or the judge. HE'S NOT MY JUDGE! Man, that takes a load off and actually makes me smirk when I get these looooooong e-mails that I don't read, just drag and drop into his folder on my e-mail. I heard someone say the other day that people inflict pain when they are in pain. I'm too happy to want to bother with him more than I have to, but he goes out of his way to try to hurt me, which only makes me realize he's unhappy. Ya know? Your time of happiness will come Daryl, Whalecounter and many others in the throws of healing.
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Post by freckles on Aug 6, 2008 9:27:00 GMT -5
I hope you feel better
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