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Post by shattered on Aug 1, 2008 11:22:02 GMT -5
shattered,
I am so, so, so, so sorry, that I did not stand up for you.
That I let you cling to and grovel before such a GIRLY MAN, who was soft as a little girl regarding everyone and everything -- except toward you -- where he was cold as ice, and cruel, and disrespectful to the core, and punishing, and unforgiving, and cold, cold, cold, cold, cold.
He treated you like dirt, and you went crawling back for more. I knew I should stop you. And I didn't.
He showed you over and over and over and over again just how utterly expendable you are to him. And I didn't make you leave.
I am so very sorry about that.
Please forgive me.
Please forgive yourself.
shattered
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Post by shattered on Aug 1, 2008 11:25:03 GMT -5
shattered,
Thank you for your apology.
I am working very hard on trying to forgive you.
I'm not quite there yet.
shattered
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Post by Mel (cherry) on Aug 1, 2008 13:36:06 GMT -5
((HUGS))
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Post by shattered on Aug 1, 2008 14:29:17 GMT -5
Thank you, Mel.
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Post by goods on Aug 1, 2008 14:39:20 GMT -5
Someone said awhile back... "We teach people how to treat us." I think a lot of us fell the same way as you shattered, the only thing to do is to learn, to grow.
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Post by jules on Aug 1, 2008 20:16:55 GMT -5
I hope you can forgive yourself very soon, shattered. Your only "crime" was caring for the man you love, and that is hardly a crime at all.
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Post by shattered on Aug 4, 2008 17:12:32 GMT -5
Someone said awhile back... "We teach people how to treat us." I think a lot of us fell the same way as you shattered, the only thing to do is to learn, to grow. "We teach people how to treat us." Seldom have truer words been spoken. I taught him that there is nothing he can say or do -- no matter how cold or disrespectful or cruel or hurtful, and no matter how often -- that I won't forgive him for and still want to be with him. That no matter how nasty he is to me, *I* will allways be the one trying to make appends, trying to patch things up, trying to make things work. I taught him well. And he was an excellent student.
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Post by shattered on Aug 4, 2008 17:17:34 GMT -5
I hope you can forgive yourself very soon, shattered. Your only "crime" was caring for the man you love, and that is hardly a crime at all. jules, the reason I'm having such a hard time with this is because I cared for him in such a way and to such an extent that it came utterly and totally at the expense of caring for myself. One of my weaknesses has always been waiting too long to draw the line with people in general. This time I truly outdid myself.
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Post by crushy on Aug 22, 2008 22:21:56 GMT -5
I hope you can forgive yourself very soon, shattered. Your only "crime" was caring for the man you love, and that is hardly a crime at all. jules, the reason I'm having such a hard time with this is because I cared for him in such a way and to such an extent that it came utterly and totally at the expense of caring for myself. One of my weaknesses has always been waiting too long to draw the line with people in general. This time I truly outdid myself. shattered, I view it differently. You were selfless, loving, vulnerable. Does that make you bad? Weak? No, it just shows you gave your whole heart w/ no abandoned. You loved and trusted with all you had. You can look back on your perished relationship knowing you gave all of your true self. I admire you...
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Post by Mel (cherry) on Aug 22, 2008 22:39:14 GMT -5
jules, the reason I'm having such a hard time with this is because I cared for him in such a way and to such an extent that it came utterly and totally at the expense of caring for myself. One of my weaknesses has always been waiting too long to draw the line with people in general. This time I truly outdid myself. shattered, I view it differently. You were selfless, loving, vulnerable. Does that make you bad? Weak? No, it just shows you gave your whole heart w/ no abandoned. You loved and trusted with all you had. You can look back on your perished relationship knowing you gave all of your true self. I admire you... Beautifully said!!
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Post by shattered on Aug 26, 2008 8:56:10 GMT -5
jules, the reason I'm having such a hard time with this is because I cared for him in such a way and to such an extent that it came utterly and totally at the expense of caring for myself. One of my weaknesses has always been waiting too long to draw the line with people in general. This time I truly outdid myself. shattered, I view it differently. You were selfless, loving, vulnerable. Does that make you bad? Weak? No, it just shows you gave your whole heart w/ no abandoned. You loved and trusted with all you had. You can look back on your perished relationship knowing you gave all of your true self. I admire you... Crushy, For some reason I just now saw this. Wow. Thank you so much for saying this. Like Mel says -- this is simply beautiful. shattered
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Post by shattered on Sept 4, 2008 14:49:18 GMT -5
Dear Shattered,
I think I am nearing the point where I can forgive you for nearly giving up your very self, clinging to someone who acted in ways that were entirely unacceptable to you.
I think -- I hope, I pray -- that this time, finally, was so horrible, that finally you have learned something. You thought you'd learned in the past, only to repeat, and then some, the same things over and over again.
You will NOT do this again. Regardless of what happens with the French guy, regardless of how deeply in love with him you fall, regardless of whether he breaks your heart -- you KNOW now that you CAN live without him, or without any particular person.
Should he do things that are unacceptable, you will not whine and complain, while remaining in the relationship, hoping against hope that he will change. This time, you will ACT.
You have been through hell and back this year. You have made enormous progress. The worst truly seems to be behind you. There is, no doubt, more pain ahead, but one pain of which you can finally let go, is not being able to forgive yourself.
Because, I forgive you. I do. I love you. YOU are what keeps me going. Not someone else. And no matter how much you love another person again, I trust that you will never again do so at the expense of your self, your self-worth, your dignity.
Head up, girl. Even if the French guy flakes out on you -- you've gained something so much more this past year -- you got yourself back.
Never stop loving yourself again.
Hugs and love to you!!
Shattered
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Post by Mel (cherry) on Sept 4, 2008 15:06:09 GMT -5
Now that is definitely something worth celebrating!!!!! ;D
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