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Post by Kim Possible on Aug 3, 2008 11:11:01 GMT -5
What is it that draws people back to one another? Is it the comfort of that person, not having to get to know them again? Or is it that you've shopped around and found that this IS the person for you? That no one else compares tohim/her?
And how many of them are toxic relationships? There was obviously something that made the couple break up; has that problem resolved itself? Unless it is a logistical issue (work schedule, location, etc), I think any other issue needs some serious working through.
I know of a few on again/off agains (one of which is my ex, and the "ow"). I have never had the desire to go back to someone after a break up, so have no real point of reference.
my friend brought her ex bf around last night. This is at least the third reincarnation of him. I like him, he is a nice guy, good with kids (he has one too, same age as my friends kid), gets along with my bf. I only hear her side of why it doesn't work (and have already heard from her this morning that it won't again). But the reality is, no one else compares to him. she has not had any sort of connection with anyone since him. I would wonder why she never gave anyone a chance after him. I knew deep down that she was comparing all of them to him, and on some occasional weak moments, she'd admit it.
But if she (and he) are not willing to face the issues they had before, my thought is it can't work. Yet, I wonder, if no one else compares to him, is she willing to put forth the effort?
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Post by jules on Aug 3, 2008 11:36:38 GMT -5
My opinion is that people often let their heart overrule their head. And while emotion is nice, it doesn't compensate for the practicalities of day to day life. It seems like there ought to be an equal balance, but that seems very, very rare. I have no answers.
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Post by Phyxius on Aug 3, 2008 13:35:47 GMT -5
Shut up, Shey...
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Post by lumpy on Aug 3, 2008 14:12:54 GMT -5
Short answer? It's easy.
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Post by sheyd on Aug 4, 2008 8:36:51 GMT -5
Sorry, Phyx - can't! (and nothing I am saying is about you specifically!) ;D
I think there are two other reasons for it - overly developed sense of the romantic, and a feeling of failure tied up to ego. The overly romantic side says "this is the ONE - there is only one person in the world that could make me feel this way and everyone else automatically takes second". That makes it so no one else REALLY has a chance to show you what they are worth, because you are always comparing them to some fictional person that in reality doesn't really exist, and the object of your affections becomes blown up to being more wonderful than they are while the flaws are conveniently forgotten. In that case, the romantic ideal of sticking to one person and who that person is is romanticized beyond reality. The failure thing is the idea that "we failed before because I..." or "because he/she..." and of course this time will be different. You feel like you failed because the relationship didn't work so if you can just work a little harder, forgive a little more, if they could just change enough or if you can, this time it will work and you won't be a failure. This is particularly true if there is mutual kids involved. You want to "give" the children their other parent.
I think, Regina, you are right in that if it IS going to work to "go back" the issues that broke them up in the first place have to be dealt with. I also agree that the emotional stuff can't overrule the head or it will just fail again - with each time causing more and more damage. IF the issues can be dealt with, and IF the head agrees with the heart and the thing makes sense, GREAT. It just so often isn't the case - because it takes too much work.
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Post by rocko on Aug 5, 2008 8:18:50 GMT -5
I believe in second chances, but I do not believe in third+ chances. If it doesn't work, it simply doesn't work.
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Post by hoodieprincess on Aug 5, 2008 16:23:31 GMT -5
My opinion is that people often let their heart overrule their head. And while emotion is nice, it doesn't compensate for the practicalities of day to day life. It seems like there ought to be an equal balance, but that seems very, very rare. I have no answers. Very well said...I seem to be that person a lot though. On the bright side, I know when I am being that way and fight to stay on the rational side of things and stay balanced.
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