JC
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Posts: 205
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Post by JC on Aug 12, 2008 18:14:12 GMT -5
last night we had to put our cat down. my son left the door open too long and he slipped out, and got hurt really bad. there was nothing we could do for him, but put him down. this was very painful for everyone, Luke was an awesome cat... even Ashley could get down and play with him.. which usually consisted of her pulling a little too hard on an ear or his tail, but he was always very good with the kids.. we stayed away from home most of the day today, but when we got home, the first thing Will did was ask could he go outside. i watched out the window as my little boy ran over to Luke's grave. at first, he stood there and walked back to the picnic table, pulled out his bubbles.. then he put them back, and went back to the grave, and i noticed his shoulders bouncing, the tell tale signs of crying. he sat back at the picnic table, and i went outside and sat with him, and as soon as i got out there he stopped crying. i said a few comforting words to him, and asked him if he wanted to come back inside. he said no, but that he wanted to be left alone. when i went back in, he started crying again, this time with his back to the window so i couldn't 'see' him. i don't really know what i am supposed to do now... i have always been able to handle everything. all the kids sorrows disappeared when i was there... i know the kids will start to pull away as they grow up, but i expected that to happen more in their teenage years.. not at 7! this is unchartered territory for me. i want to be there for my son the best way he needs me to be. is that really giving him space? should i talk anymore about it? or wait for him to bring it up? i know loosing a pet is hard, i still have my childhood dogs name tag on my key chain- i want to be there for him to make it easier for him....
advice?
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Post by RO on Aug 12, 2008 20:28:56 GMT -5
sorry for your loss, jc. i was of a similar age when i lost my first pet. i had a lot of questions but first the idea of it had to settle within me. at my job, i deal with this subject a lot quite honestly... i think it is perfectly normal for him wanting some time to grieve alone and i am sure he will turn to you when he is ready. he might wish to make some type of memorial or some type of memory book of their time together. each child is really different on how they react... i will enclose a list of books that you can read together if you wish and a link to another listing with more in depth books for you as well. The books on this bibliography are designed to help parents and children cope with the death of a loved one. Not every book is appropriate for every child. We strongly urge caregivers to pre-read a book before sharing it with a young person. The Tenth Good Thing about Barney. Judith Viorst. Ages 4-8. In an attempt to overcome his grief, a boy tries to think of the ten best things about his dead cat. Goodbye, Mitch. Ruth Wallace-Brodeur. Ages 5-9. A young boy comforts and cares for his terminally ill cat. The Bug Cemetery. Frances Hill. Ages 4-8. Neighborhood children imaginatively stage funerals for dead bugs, but they experience real sadness following the death of a pet cat. Cat Heaven. Cynthia Rylant. Ages 3-7. God created Cat Heaven, with fields of sweet grass where cats can play, kitty-toys for them to enjoy, and angels to rub their noses and ears. www.somerset.lib.nj.us/kids2004/deathanddying.htmhope this helps at some level... ~ro
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Post by kittenhart on Aug 12, 2008 21:57:58 GMT -5
also The Best Cat in the World by Leslea Newman (is for kids, about a boy whose cat dies, very nicely done)...but I honestly can't make it through this book without crying. Sorry for your loss, JC.
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Post by sheyd on Aug 13, 2008 9:53:39 GMT -5
I am so sorry, we had to put our cat down just after the new year, it was horrible. Kor had the hardest time of it, she wanted pictures and things, and she had a strange affinity for a stuffed cat that had kind of similiar markings for awhile (including writing a story about it). Each child is different, I think you showed him you are available and that you care, but if he asks for space, then that is what he probably needs - it really sounds like you are doing as much as any parent can do!
I think the only other thing I might be able to add would be that if he knows YOU are grieving, he might feel more free to show his. If you tell him you are super sad too, maybe even let him see you cry, he might be less ashamed about showing his own pain.
Is this son the one who left the door open? Is he blaming himself and dealing with a lot of guilt? Perhaps you can explain that we can only control animals so far, that they get to make choices themselves, and that accidents happen? I took my dog for a walk once (not on a leash) as a kid and he got hit because I called to him as he was crossing the road and he stopped right in front of a car. I carry that guilt to this day, and feel so bad about it (and panic about animals off the leash). Guilt is a horrible feeling.
I am so sorry for you and your family's loss - losing a pet, particularly a sweet one like that, is so hard. (((((HUGS)))))
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Post by lqdKaos on Aug 13, 2008 10:18:21 GMT -5
I am sorry for your loss. For me, my dogs are my children. I can not even imagine losing one of them.
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Post by redskyatnight on Aug 13, 2008 12:03:14 GMT -5
I'm sorry. Losing a pet is hard no matter what your age.
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Post by goods on Aug 13, 2008 12:35:35 GMT -5
Sorry B I know Luke was a great cat for you and your family... I'd let him work it out on his own, let him know he can talk to you anytime about anything... but let him make any moves.
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Post by rocko on Aug 14, 2008 8:53:03 GMT -5
I still have my mom help me through things at age 28, but when I grieve for a lost pet or family member....I like to do it alone. I just need to feel sad and deal with that pain.
You are doing a great job.
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JC
Full Member
Posts: 205
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Post by JC on Aug 14, 2008 11:21:29 GMT -5
thanks for the advice everyone... Will seems to be doing a lot better today. i made sure that he knew that he could talk to me if he wanted to.. but he wants to deal with this on his own, and no matter how much i want to take this for him, i know the best thing for him is to let him do it his own way.. Yes shey, he is the one that let Luke out, but he was leaving to go to his dads house, and didnt realize he let him out. ( he actually didnt close the door all the way, so he didnt see him) so i didnt tell him that he was the one that let him out... i dont think he would be able to handle that at all.. he is a VERY emotional little boy. as far as letting him see me cry, i dont think i could do that... i am the least emotional person in my family, so i havent given myself the chance to think too much about any of it, other than making sure everyone else is doing ok...
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