Post by sheyd on Aug 20, 2008 16:26:14 GMT -5
A favorite shirt, a disgusting eating habit, a strange mouth noise, a favorite rude response... all of them may be things you THINK you can ignore, because in the beginning the other person is JUST AWESOME. Then the buzz wears off, and you get more tired with more constant contact, and you want to mention it gently... So it isn't so much a changing standard as a gradual change in the tolerance level within the relationship. The closer you are to someone, the more you take their habits personally, and the more you have to deal with the bad ones day in and day out, the more it grinds on you. This is why some guys will always be "just my friend" because as a friend I can tolerate a lot, but in a partner I would find some things unbearable.
I also think there is a certain element of "don't hit me with everything at once!". Even if you KNOW you won't be able to tolerate that they only brush their teeth once a week and that that one shirt is atrocious, you don't want to tell them everything you think is a flaw all at once, they would feel over-criticized and wonder why bother? I think if everything that was considered my flaws was thrown at me at once (and I have had something close to it happen a few times) I would feel like total crap. In most cases, it isn't a true picture, either, since you might like 300 things about the other person, and only be really irritated by 5. If those 5 were listed at once, right at the beginning, that might be seen as an overall negative view.
I guess what I am trying to say is that people change, tolerances change - even standards change... and sometimes it isn't that the standards have changed, just the disclosure level has!
I also think there is a certain element of "don't hit me with everything at once!". Even if you KNOW you won't be able to tolerate that they only brush their teeth once a week and that that one shirt is atrocious, you don't want to tell them everything you think is a flaw all at once, they would feel over-criticized and wonder why bother? I think if everything that was considered my flaws was thrown at me at once (and I have had something close to it happen a few times) I would feel like total crap. In most cases, it isn't a true picture, either, since you might like 300 things about the other person, and only be really irritated by 5. If those 5 were listed at once, right at the beginning, that might be seen as an overall negative view.
I guess what I am trying to say is that people change, tolerances change - even standards change... and sometimes it isn't that the standards have changed, just the disclosure level has!