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Post by finding on Sept 10, 2008 12:54:34 GMT -5
I have made so much progress in the last couple of months. The funk is finally gone and I have quit smoking, cut way back on caffeine, have been eating better, and haven't bought any beer in quite a while. I've actually crossed a couple of things off of my to-do list and am moving forward.
Why is it that things creep back up on you when you least expect it? Just when I think I have the past where it needs to be something happens and it shakes you to the core.
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Post by AngelBaby on Sept 10, 2008 13:03:58 GMT -5
Sometimes I think that the flashbacks are meant to be sure that you are still alive and kicking. I know that I've had a really good last couple months, and just recently there have been some things that, like you said, have shaken me to the core. Then I realize how far I've come, and I appreciate it even more.
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Post by redskyatnight on Sept 10, 2008 13:09:47 GMT -5
I have set backs too. The other day, I noticed I had a 3 day headache after getting into an ugly discussion with my ex. Then I remembered, I used to get migranes and throw up after talking with him.
I think set backs occur because we respond in a Pavlovian way, we are conditioned to respond that way. As time passes and you deal with each set back, they will get better. You are learning new ways to deal with old situations, whether you are aware of it or not.
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Post by finding on Sept 10, 2008 13:25:48 GMT -5
Sometimes I think that the flashbacks are meant to be sure that you are still alive and kicking. I know that I've had a really good last couple months, and just recently there have been some things that, like you said, have shaken me to the core. Then I realize how far I've come, and I appreciate it even more. I do AB, but the last few things have been about the day the ex died. It is not an experience I want to relive, but I keep getting reminded of it in some unusual ways.
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Post by AngelBaby on Sept 10, 2008 16:45:40 GMT -5
Sometimes I think that the flashbacks are meant to be sure that you are still alive and kicking. I know that I've had a really good last couple months, and just recently there have been some things that, like you said, have shaken me to the core. Then I realize how far I've come, and I appreciate it even more. I do AB, but the last few things have been about the day the ex died. It is not an experience I want to relive, but I keep getting reminded of it in some unusual ways. Those type of flashbacks are always hard to deal with....especially with the situation surrounding it. I know I still flashback to when my ex's mom died, because it was such a sudden thing......I know it's not the same as losing him, but I kind of have an idea of what you are talking about. I wish I had some bright words of wisdom or insight for you, but I don't. Just know that you have come SO far, and are doing SUCH a good job with your kids......Keep your chin up sweetie....This too shall pass.
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Post by shattered on Sept 11, 2008 9:52:16 GMT -5
I have flashbacks, too.
Sometimes just hearing some beautiful music will do it.
Lately, I've been encountering "him" in my dreams again. I hadn't dreamed about him for a while, but now he's there again. I dream he's breaking up with me all over again, and that I am still madly in love with him and want nothing more than to be with him.
In the dreams the old pain is back with such intensity that it's terrifying. It's amazing how real the pain feels.
Thankfully, when I wake up, and realize that the nightmare is over (literally and figuratively!), that I'm not madly in love with him anymore, and that I don't really want him back, I feel much better.
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Post by jules on Sept 11, 2008 9:56:02 GMT -5
Thankfully, when I wake up, and realize that the nightmare is over (literally and figuratively!), that I'm not madly in love with him anymore, and that I don't really want him back, I feel much better. I've been having a lot of nightmares involving the ex lately, too. In them he's generally being a complete jerk, and I'm more frustrated than anything else. I feel the same relief when I wake up. Maybe it's part of the process -- the subconscious mind's way of making peace with it all.
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Post by shattered on Sept 11, 2008 10:07:16 GMT -5
Yes, I def. think it's part of the process, the mind making peace with it.
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Post by freckles on Sept 11, 2008 20:05:07 GMT -5
I am Glad you Quit
Now in about a month or two you will cough up a big gob of pure black tar
Then you will know you are very lucky that you Quit
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Post by finding on Sept 12, 2008 12:39:00 GMT -5
I am Glad you Quit Now in about a month or two you will cough up a big gob of pure black tar Then you will know you are very lucky that you Quit You never stop do you? If you can't provide support and advice on an upper board topic then please leave it alone. This is really starting to get to me. I thought I had finally found peace. Why is it I keep finding things that remind me of the past and him? I found his AA Big Book today. Why the hell was it doing in a box of my belongings? I threw it in the dumpster after I abused the book a bit.
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Post by shattered on Sept 12, 2008 16:23:31 GMT -5
Finding -- I couldn't help but laugh at "after I abused the book a bit" and the angry face.
I am sorry you are having such a difficult time. Remind yourself, that as frustrating as this is -- it is temporary.
You will find peace. It's just a really messy road getting there.
Hugs to you.
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Post by freckles on Sept 12, 2008 17:33:33 GMT -5
I am Glad you Quit Now in about a month or two you will cough up a big gob of pure black tar Then you will know you are very lucky that you Quit You never stop do you? If you can't provide support and advice on an upper board topic then please leave it alone. This is really starting to get to me. I thought I had finally found peace. Why is it I keep finding things that remind me of the past and him? I found his AA Big Book today. Why the hell was it doing in a box of my belongings? I threw it in the dumpster after I abused the book a bit. That happened to me, when I Quit smoking , years ago
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me
New Member
Posts: 4
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Post by me on Sept 12, 2008 21:47:24 GMT -5
Why is it that things creep back up on you when you least expect it? Just when I think I have the past where it needs to be something happens and it shakes you to the core. Because that is life. It is the way it happens. We may not like it sometimes but then again every day above ground is a good one ya know. The past creeping up on you is a good thing. It reminds us of past mistakes so we do not make them again. Stay Strong
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Post by finding on Sept 13, 2008 10:08:35 GMT -5
Finding -- I couldn't help but laugh at "after I abused the book a bit" and the angry face. I am sorry you are having such a difficult time. Remind yourself, that as frustrating as this is -- it is temporary. You will find peace. It's just a really messy road getting there. Hugs to you. He's been gone over a year now. When will the demons of his past abuse and treatment go away? I know we are all making progress and have come such a long way. The kids are doing far better than they ever would have before.
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Post by AngelBaby on Sept 13, 2008 14:01:15 GMT -5
Finding~ Sadly enough, some of those demons may never go away. I know I still struggle with some of the demons from my ex's abuse.....I mean they have gotten better, yes, but they still sneak up on me every so often. It's unreal. We've been divorced for almost 5 years....I've been away from him for almost 5 years, and I still have the nightmares and worry that I'm going to fall into the same trap with J that I was in with my ex. And I KNOW that J is a TOTALLY different person than the ex was. J is a wonderful man, and I've never been happier in my entire life, but there is still that underlying fear because of what my ex did to me. I hope for you that it will fade with time. I know it has for me. I know he's already been gone a year, but the lasting effects may take longer to diminish. You and the kids have come SO far, and are in such a better place than you were before....just remember that and stay strong. You are an awesome friend and mother, and just don't lose sight of that. You have done wonders with the kids.....I hope to be as good a mother someday as you are! Love you girl! And you have my number if you need me!
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