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Post by J (Hot Mess) on Jan 29, 2008 12:21:39 GMT -5
It seems like most of our leavers always come creeping back around again, usually when we finally have a foot or two planted on the ground finally. It all seems like such a waste. All that pain only for them to realize their mistake....but then its too late (most of the time). I let mine back many times but cant do it again. Although I cannot lie~~in a dream world I would rewind our time in a heartbeat...take it all away and have him back with me where I thought he always would be. So do you think they usually come back? Agree? Disagree? And why? Why why why. Its all such a mindfuck.
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Post by wizer on Jan 29, 2008 12:25:26 GMT -5
If the leavee stays strong, and seems to be moving on with their life, there is a good chance the leaver will look back and see this person they left behind, plus they will realize the person they left them for was nothing but a fantasy, and they will attempt to go back. If the leavee goes to pieces, the leaver may at some point have second thoughts, but think, "I don't want to go back to that sniveling pathetic fool".
I don't know statistics, but I am sure a good number do want to go back. That doesn't mean the reconciliation is succesful. Most of the time the initial problems are never solved so things crash and burn like they did the first time.
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Post by lumpy on Jan 29, 2008 12:28:15 GMT -5
In my case it didn't happen. I'm glad it worked out that way. I think it's just human nature to second guess yourself. Ego is another big factor. In many cases I think it's more a matter of "do I still have my hooks in this person?" Knowing that you'd take them back is more important than actually getting you back as often as not.
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Post by freckles on Jan 29, 2008 12:32:50 GMT -5
It seems like most of our leavers always come creeping back around again, usually when we finally have a foot or two planted on the ground finally. Its because they start to see *It was not you* it was them Only thing is If *They* come back They bring *Themselves* with them And they are still Bad
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Post by rocko on Jan 29, 2008 12:43:03 GMT -5
My exh showed interest in coming back when he saw how happy Kevin (my now husband, but boyfriend at the time) were together. I dont' think he really wanted me...just had trouble accepting someone else having me though.
I made it clear that I wouldnt' make that mistake twice. He married someone else 4 months later. He tried to make me jealous, but I really have no interest in something I have trouble seeing WTF I was thinking the first time.
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AMG
New Member
Posts: 40
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Post by AMG on Jan 29, 2008 12:53:16 GMT -5
I think more often then not leavers try to come back. I agree with Lumpy that usually it has to do with them wanting to know that they could have you back if they could.
There are so many reasons... I know of a few that wanted to come back after realizing that they made a mistake and would do anything to fix it. But, more often then not it is all an ego thing.
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Post by rocko on Jan 29, 2008 13:10:31 GMT -5
My ex when rejected told me something to the effect of
thats okay you need a man that __________________ and listed off some qualities that he *thinks* my now husband posses that he does not.
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Post by gdgross on Jan 29, 2008 15:22:23 GMT -5
Mine never came back and never tried.
She didn't leave in a fit of passion, though, she thought long and hard about it before she made her move. Not that that made smart or right or anything, but it wasn't impulsive.
I kind of wish she would give it a try, just so I can say, "no thanks!" ;D
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Post by jules on Jan 29, 2008 16:14:04 GMT -5
I think a large part of it also has to do with if they think they have a chance in hell of being taken back.
It depends on the dynamics within the relationship both during it and during the fall out period, as well as the two individuals involved and what ultimately made the split final.
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Post by Saucy on Jan 29, 2008 16:59:17 GMT -5
i think it all depends on the situation.
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Post by finding on Jan 29, 2008 17:12:40 GMT -5
I think it is all a mind fuck. Mine badgered his way back into my life when he found out I had moved on and was building a life without him. His plan was to break me and make me pay for all of my "sins" in his eyes.
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Spike
Full Member
Posts: 123
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Post by Spike on Jan 29, 2008 17:43:38 GMT -5
Reconciliation is not for the faint of heart!!!
But, I've always said "Faint heart never fucked fair maiden", so yeah, here I am, trying again.
As Idoc said, the affair person is usually a fantasy, and once the sneaing and giddiness is over, so is the fantasy. The fact that things weren't so bad, in the marriage, comes crashing in hard.
Also, as Idoc said, the original problems need to be addressed, or the whole cycle will start again.
Sometimes, two people should just not be together, and thats fine, but I firmly believe that most times, the problems that lead to affairs, and ultimately divorce, can be overcome. I'll let you know how I make out with that part.
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Post by J (Hot Mess) on Jan 29, 2008 20:40:32 GMT -5
I just thought he was gone for good this time and it seems it isnt so. Two full years later come February. Thats the longest he was ever gone...but then again we've got the country between us now. I truly thought he was long gone now...no looking back. I think I may be wrong once again.
And Spike..you know Im rooting for you guys. I am a sucker for a happy ending...a hopeless romantic.
Hope to hear from more of you on this.
~~J
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Post by rocko on Jan 30, 2008 11:24:31 GMT -5
I am pulling for you both!!!
My ex and I were a very poor match. Even without the problems that caused the divorce we had grown to be such different people with such different morals.
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Post by J (Hot Mess) on Jan 30, 2008 11:54:17 GMT -5
Rocko~~If you meant you were pulling for me, dont. But lets pull for Mr. and Mrs Spike. "don't worry, she won't leave you. it is evident that no matter what you do, she will hold on to you."A friend wrote that to me in a pm yesterday about someone else but as I read it I realized that was me for so many years. He never cheated (well, the final time is a bit sketchy) but its still too late for us. I cannot lie~~deeply tucked away I wish it weren't.. but it is. How many times can two people try to get it together but they just simply cannot? Do any of you think that some people, no matter how much they work on themselves and no matter how much they will it, will never stop loving their ex who left them when it was not a mutual decision? Sometimes I think I am incapable of ever un-loving my ex. Not just a love like I love my friends but the kind of love that is meant to be reciprocated. The kind of love thats meant for a relationship. I want a love that is reciprocated. After its been so damn long sometimes I feel like no time has passed at all.
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