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Post by hoodieprincess on Sept 23, 2008 10:55:35 GMT -5
So, it's now been scheduled. We are all having dinner next weekend for me to meet his parents. And, when I say "all," I mean all of us...Even my kids.
I am actually really nervous already. Because both his parents and mine have some reservations, it makes things a little more complicated when it comes to meeting them. He says I have nothing to worry about and in the little dealings I have had with his mom, she seems nice enough. J had invited me to Thanksgiving and when he was talking to her the other day, she wanted to make sure that I knew that she was glad to have me and my children there and that she hoped we knew that they were looking forward to having us. I thought that was a very nice gesture.
So...We'll see! My parents reservations are about our age difference as he is younger than me. And, I guess J's mom isn't too concerned but his dad is. Their concerns are less about the fact that I am older than the fact that I have 2 children and they are 8 & 6. I totally understand that. That is part of the reason that I think I am nervous about the 1st time I meet them having me and the kids there. I do, however, feel that it is very important. And, more than anything, it was J's idea that we all be there. He wants us there and says he's very proud to have me and my children meeting his parents.
I just have to find a way to chill out for the next few days!!!!!
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Post by redskyatnight on Sept 23, 2008 12:54:11 GMT -5
Yes, chill out. Getting too nervous will ruin what could be a very happy day.
The age difference will disappear as they see you together. The kids will charm all the old folks. J is excited. He wouldn't be introducing you if he weren't excited. I think its great. Good luck and just be yourself. They can't help but love you.
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Post by gdgross on Sept 23, 2008 13:14:27 GMT -5
In the past I have sort of made a big deal about meeting the parents. Like, "oh, I'm meeting her parents, it must be getting serious."
But, now I don't really think it has to be such a big deal. My parents are a part of my life. It's only natural that they come in contact with the girl I'm seeing. It doesn't have to be this big thing. My parents met her after about a month or so. I met hers the next weekend.
We didn't plan it that way, there was just stuff going at both our folks places that we felt like inviting each other to. Not a big deal.
Good luck! Relax and enjoy yourself!
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Post by JimB on Sept 23, 2008 14:12:52 GMT -5
What's the worst that could happen?
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Post by hoodieprincess on Sept 23, 2008 15:52:18 GMT -5
In the past I have sort of made a big deal about meeting the parents. Like, "oh, I'm meeting her parents, it must be getting serious." But, now I don't really think it has to be such a big deal. My parents are a part of my life. It's only natural that they come in contact with the girl I'm seeing. It doesn't have to be this big thing. My parents met her after about a month or so. I met hers the next weekend. We didn't plan it that way, there was just stuff going at both our folks places that we felt like inviting each other to. Not a big deal. Good luck! Relax and enjoy yourself! I totally see your point! Thanks for responding with this as a reminder. Typically, that is the way it works for me too. I think because this time, both of our parents have already expressed their concerns for the situation (not like we're not both adults or something ), actually meeting them holds a little more significance for me. I feel like I am holding more weight on me making a good impression is all. I typically am a pretty laid back sort of person who gets along well with most everyone. I don't think there is going to be much of a problem. His mom has already expressed that she's looking forward to meeting me. It shouldn't be too bad, just a little nerve wracking is all. They don't like me...And, well, with that all I can say is "Oh well." I just know I was raised to always make everyone happy. Ever since I was little, there was a big significance in making sure everyone was pleased with me. That's really my own personal problem to work through and I've gotten *so* much better at knowing that I can't please everyone all the time and in the end, knowing that isn't my problem. He's stood up to his parents about me anyway. I don't think it will come down to him having to do so again. I just know that they are important to him so to me, their opinion still matters...
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Post by JimB on Sept 24, 2008 10:25:28 GMT -5
OK, well, I don't know you that well, but I don't believe you're an unpleasant or confrontational person. Given that, if they decide they don't like you based on a single encounter, that says much more about them than it does about you.
I hear ya on the "people pleaser" stuff - I'm that way too. But if I were J, I'd just want you to be yourself and not worry. Everything else will take care of itself.
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Post by hoodieprincess on Sept 25, 2008 14:58:36 GMT -5
But if I were J, I'd just want you to be yourself and not worry. Everything else will take care of itself. You sound just like him!
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Post by shattered on Sept 26, 2008 8:59:28 GMT -5
But if I were J, I'd just want you to be yourself and not worry. Everything else will take care of itself. You sound just like him! And they both sound pretty fabulous!
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Post by hoodieprincess on Sept 26, 2008 11:30:56 GMT -5
Yes, chill out. Getting too nervous will ruin what could be a very happy day. The age difference will disappear as they see you together. The kids will charm all the old folks. J is excited. He wouldn't be introducing you if he weren't excited. I think its great. Good luck and just be yourself. They can't help but love you. Meant to tell you thank you! I was re-reading this today since dinner is tomorrow. It helps to have this reminder!! J has said several times that he thinks his mom and I will actually get along great. We talked some more about his dad (who has had been the more concerned one of his parents), and J says that he's not really that concerned any more. He's heard J talk about me and about my kids and the time we've all spent together and J says his dad can see that he's happy. I am still a little nervous but really, I'm actually looking forward to it too.
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Post by hoodieprincess on Sept 26, 2008 11:31:15 GMT -5
You sound just like him! And they both sound pretty fabulous! They do, don't they!?!? ;D
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Post by redskyatnight on Sept 28, 2008 8:21:43 GMT -5
So........suspense, how did it go?
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Post by kittenhart on Sept 28, 2008 23:41:33 GMT -5
So........suspense, how did it go? keeping fingers crossed for you that it went well
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Post by hoodieprincess on Sept 29, 2008 10:08:14 GMT -5
It went pretty well. There was some good and some bad. I really tried to be myself and not let nerves get to me. I think I did okay. It was rough because I seemed to be having the worst day and anything that could go wrong, did. But, I finally made it to J's house and got to relax a bit. Even running late, I made it there before his parents so I got a little breather. His mom is very sweet. She was very quiet but J warned me before hand she was just that way. She's more laid back and though we talked a little, it wasn't much at all. J says she's more of an observer. His dad....Well, that's another story. The best way J described him to me was that he was missing the little filter between his brain and his mouth that most people have that keeps them from saying anything and everything that comes to mind. LMAO I guess I was glad for the warning. He put me on the spot a few times and I didn't really get thrown off too terribly bad. I think the worst might have been when he made a comment about me moving into J's pretty soon and all I could do was that shocked laugh and say "No, that's not happening any time soon." He looked like of dumbfounded. He asked why and then later told me he thought we should wait a year before we move in together. He tried to be supportive of J and my mom not liking the idea of us dating and told me to give it a few months, let her see how J really is and she should see past the age difference. He also made some comment about us playing house. I was a little offended. But, it was what it was. He seemed to flip back and forth to be fairly impressed or accepting to not at all. I wasn't sure what to make of it. Also, he actually offered him and J's mom to babysit for me from time to time so J and I could go out a little more often. I was really surprised. They seemed to like the kids. All I heard over and over was how cute they were and how well behaved they were. Aside from J's dad's comment pretty early that J seemed to do pretty good, we looked good together and acted good together but they just needed to see what kind of a mother I was, their attention to the kids was good. We'll see how it goes. I will admit that in the end, I let out a HUGE sigh of relief when it was over. They walked out the door and I realized I just took a deep breath, closed my eyes and relaxed. His dad has a way of putting people on pins and needles a little bit. He seems to ask questions to analyze your answer and reaction. He reads into things to see where you are. It makes me a bit uncomfortable. I don't have anything to hide and am a pretty open-book kind of person. Yet, I don't like the feeling that I am talking to someone acting as a shrink. Thanksgiving is a little ways away but J's trying to make sure I am still coming and that they didn't scare me off. lol I still plan on going but must admit that I am not sure how it's going to go. I don't like the "under a microscope" feeling his dad puts off... But, I know it's just one of those things I just might have to learn to deal with.
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Post by shattered on Sept 29, 2008 11:23:26 GMT -5
hoodie,
Yes, I can understand why you weren't sure exactly what to make of some of his dad's comments.
All in all, I think this sounds very good, though.
Sounds like you handled yourself super-duper well -- way to go!
And your J sound like he's really into you. Excellent.
shattered
P.S. And of course you should feel very happy and proud re. your well-behaved children -- becuase that is almost entirely a credit to you.
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Post by kittenhart on Sept 29, 2008 18:39:59 GMT -5
man, it sounds actually like J's Dad pretty much grilled you. I think you should hand it to yourself for keeping it together so well, cause it sounded like there were a few points where you couldn't really say the "right" thing either way....designed to make you feel not-at-home moments. Sounds like your kids were awesome, too You're so brave.
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