I met a basically great guy about 6 months ago. We get along very well, have great chemistry and are managing to see each other and grow a relationship despite being an hour apart and each having 2 children full time, however there is one issue.... his cellphone/Treo!
He has it with him at all times and it goes off all the time - calls, text, email..... He hardly ever puts it down and answers anytime except when he is sleeping....tonight we went out on a date to his first ever college football game and he had it in his hand the whole time even texting his step son, friends, and a exgf who was also there somewhere.... I just feel like there are three of us in this relationship....
I have jokingly mentioned it a few times and he is never secretive about who is calling, texting etc... but it just feels disruptive to the little time we spend together and like a bigger priority at times......I am trying to to be clingy, overbearing or jealous as I hate those traits...
Post by redskyatnight on Oct 2, 2008 10:55:48 GMT -5
No advice from me, but some people are addicted to their electronic devices. It's been in the news and on late night comedy, so don't take it personally. Maybe you could try texting him, even when you are sitting beside him, just for a laugh.
This obviously has nothing in the slightest to do with your maybe being clingy, overbearing, or jealous -- and everything to do with your boyfriend being afflicted by today's out-of-control technology-addiction disease. So many people are. It's so awful.
Aside from being incredibly poor manners (most people don't intend to be rude, of course, but that doesn't make it less so), this constant messaging, texting, checking messages, etc., is indeed disruptive to a relationship!
On non-work time, when spending time with friends, children, family, or a SO, using cell phones, crackberries, etc. should be the *exception* not the rule.
I think you may have to insist on some clearly defined boundaries. Tell him nicely, non-accusingly, why it bothers you, and if he doesn't get it, then ask him to humor you, and simply do it as a favor to you -- reach some sort of compromise (that he truly needs to stick to), e.g., he gets to diddle around with his gadgets for 10 minutes during a game or watching TV, not at all during dinner, etc., whatever you guys come up with.
For starters, I love redsky's suggestion of asking him in a text message to stop text-messaging.
It sounds, though, as nice as this guy is, this situation will require more work than that.
And remember: HE is the one "misbehaving" not you.
Let's return to SOME semblance of respectful and civilized behavior, shall we?
Confession: I resort to the crackberry when I'm bored. I know it's a little rude. And I'm not saying it's why he does it. I think it's just part of modern day life which consists of short attention spans and the craving to multitask.
Post by Kim Possible on Oct 15, 2008 16:41:04 GMT -5
I definitely concur that he is a product of his (our) environment/society. Remeber when we were kids, no one called during dinner? Now, we have our phones attached to us and would think nothing of answering it during a meal!! I could go on and on about all my gripes with our cellular society, but you all know what they are.
Blu, I do agree that it IS taking away from quality time, what little you have with him. And you know me, non confrontational too, an always worried about looking clingy. But he probably has no idea how rude he is being, because it has become an acceptable behavior. My man's rudeness is when he is at home, I come over, he is playing Socom, while sitting at his comp, with it turned on to a poker game. So I just sit there and stare at the ceiling, since I can't access the TV or the computer.