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Post by sheyd on Oct 10, 2008 11:26:41 GMT -5
Well, Shey is on a rampage again. One of Kitara's (the middle school kid) friends got in trouble for hugging one of her friends in the hallway. Apparently I missed in the school policies where it says "no physical affection allowed". Their fear is that if girls hug girls then *gasp* girls might also hug boys! Ok, give me a break. There is a HUGE difference between hugging a friend and groping a lover. If they can't make better rules, I am going to go all slippery slope on them the other direction. What, should kids have to stay 5 feet apart at all times in case they might brush against each other?
So - this friend was warned not to hug her (willing) friend, but did it again when the person's back was turned and got caught and had in school suspension. So... if I can't get the school board to change the policy - I am going to try to teach my daughter about peaceful civil disobedience. I am going to stage a "hug-in" with as many parents and kids as I can get. Hopefully it won't go that far, but by god my kid WILL be allowed to hug her friends!
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Post by Phyxius on Oct 10, 2008 11:50:58 GMT -5
Git 'em... Seriously -- that's something T and I have been talking about too (the ridiculousness of school rules). We're working on organizing with some other parents who feel the same way to try to levy some pressure to bring a little common sense back into things.
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Post by gdgross on Oct 10, 2008 17:30:46 GMT -5
Git 'em... Seriously. Go get 'em.
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Post by kittenhart on Oct 10, 2008 21:50:51 GMT -5
On the flip side, I've had to "intervene" between students at a school dance who were basically 'doing it' in public on the dance floor ....awkward.... I've also had to lock bathrooms during after school practices due to the "activities" occurring in them....yes, this was at a middle school (wakey,wakey parents). How to write rules that allow one and not the other without being unnecessarily wordy or judgemental...not sure. But I'm sure staging a large protest will be helpful. (not that I don't agree that getting suspended for hugging a friend is ridiculous) just trying to show the other side.
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Post by Mel (cherry) on Oct 13, 2008 11:33:22 GMT -5
Wow!! What a touchy situation...........errrrrr no pun intended. I'm so proud of what you are doing Shey. I'm one of the parents who are on the balance bandwagon. Too far either way is a bad thing. I know situations where kids have been suspended for hugging their friends in the hallway which I think is ridiculous, but I am under no illusions about the "maturity" of our youth due to an overabundance of sex and violence and an "underabundance" of parental guidance. It is up to the parents and teachers to let their voices be heard and find a better balance. I also know of a situation where a child was labeled a "sex offender" because he kissed a classmate in kindergarten. Is that really fair to tag a kid with from the beginning of their lives because we are slave to some PC law?
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Post by sheyd on Oct 14, 2008 9:12:09 GMT -5
Tonight is the School Board Meeting. I have not had even ONE response from any of the members, even though I sent an email to all of them, including the Head of Schools. I informed them I would be at the meeting and that I expected to hear discussion of this issue. If that fails, I expect to see it on the next agenda. If THAT fails, I will be planning and staging a protest, along with appropriate media coverage. Should be a blast! I DO understand that kids are sexual beings, and will also push limits. One of Kitara's 12 year old acquaintances is currently expecting her first child. However, as adults we pretty much have an idea what is a sexualized gesture and what is not, and I trust the teachers to make that judgement call. Even the most prudish up-tight person would not see sexuality in a friend crying on another friend's shoulder (and there is a lot of crying at the junior high level). Rigid rules don't allow leeway for that. I don't think the rules have to be spelled out any clearer than "no sexual touches or unwanted touches". In other words, don't hug the non-hugging friend, either. Teach them respect for public rules and respect for personal boundaries - but DON'T teach them that touching is "bad" or automatically sexual. Some of these kids won't ever get any positive touch than what they can get from friends. Heck - there are studies that show that some kids have sex because that is the only way they can get touched! I intend to fight this in whatever way necessary.
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Post by sheyd on Oct 23, 2008 8:17:17 GMT -5
They agreed to change the wording away from no pdas, since they DO allow some now anyway (they are working on that, I will let you know how it comes out). They aren't budging on total front hugs, but are open to taking more information. I have to get her information on how it is handled in other junior highs, so they can see if there is a better way. I need to do that by this week sometime - so if anyone has more info on how it is handled anywhere else, please let me know!
There is no rule against it in any of the public schools, or the charter high school. They watch out for out of bounds touching, but otherwise it is allowed. Schools across the nation are going to a "2 second hug" allowed, no longer than that. The concern there is who is timing it, and what about during a time when a kid needs comforting?
At any rate, let me know if you can get any info from your area, or have seen any good articles or research on how to handle this difficult age. Thanks!
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