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Post by shattered on Oct 12, 2008 11:12:13 GMT -5
My French guy got his work permit situation straightend out and is arriving in D.C. on October 14!!! Omigod, I'm so excited. He has called me every single day since I returned from Paris -- and every day I feel more strongly for him, and more and more sure that this is not just a fluke. Doesn't mean I'm not beset by a generous variety of insecurities -- but I think that is unavoidable. More importantly, I think I've got them under control. E.g., a few days ago I started having really bad dreams -- nightmares, really -- where I dream the French guy is doing the same things the ex did, that the French guy has lost interest, etc., etc. These dreams are really bad, and I feel horrible during them. But when I wake up, I realize they're not real, and that they're most likely just my subconscious dealing with all my issues. Of course, I also worry what will happen if this does work out longterm, if we get married. Now, he's totally gaga over me telling me I'm the most beautiful and sexy woman on the planet. But will he feel this way 10 years from now when I'm 52 and he's 42? He will be in his prime, maybe even having a midlife crisis, and I, as young as I look, well, even I might start showing some signs of age by then! I know, I know, no point worrying about stuff like that now. And for the most part I'm not. For the most part I'm really enjoying the moment. And I'm so grateful that I'm no longer with my ex (oh man, I cannot BELIEVE the stuff I put up with), and that I am now with this fabulous guy who is nuts about me, and I'm nuts about him!! Excited, anxious, nervous, slightly worried, but mostly incredibly happy. Two more days. Omigod. ;D ;D ;D ;D
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Post by freckles on Oct 12, 2008 15:42:03 GMT -5
Go for it
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Post by redskyatnight on Oct 13, 2008 8:40:29 GMT -5
Awesome! Enjoy it for today and tomorrow and take it one day at a time. I'm excited for you.
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Post by shattered on Oct 13, 2008 8:54:43 GMT -5
Thank you!!
My mom and a few friends are worried I'm setting myself up for a new heartache. Maybe I am. But the only alternative is to break it off and remain intentionally alone. Which is the precise opposite of what I am looking for.
OK, so this relationship is a bit unconventional -- not just because he's 10 years younger, but more that he really seems a bit childlike at times. Can he really follow through on all his promises?
Maybe not.
But maybe so!
Besides, the most mature-seeming people can turn out to be the least emotionally reliable of all! (See my ex.)
I've learned that a relationship with any man has a huge potential for heartache (I have yet to have a relationship that doesn't end with my heart being broken), and I don't think that risk is any higher with this guy.
I'm not printing up wedding invitations or anything, but I am indeed going to go for it - and I plan to enjoy myself -- one day at a time.
; )
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Post by freckles on Oct 13, 2008 10:16:10 GMT -5
Men are Simple Give Love and Happy and Joy to Him every Minute of every day And you will get much more of the same Thats what Dr Laura Slessinger says P.S. I did say it in my own words
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Post by JimB on Oct 13, 2008 10:23:16 GMT -5
My mom and a few friends are worried I'm setting myself up for a new heartache. Maybe I am. But the only alternative is to break it off and remain intentionally alone. Which is the precise opposite of what I am looking for. Take note, everyone. This is a piece of true wisdom. Have fun, shattered. Don't do anything I wouldn't do. (Not that there is anything I wouldn't do....)
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Post by sheyd on Oct 14, 2008 9:20:37 GMT -5
Congratulations! I hope it is as wonderful as it seems it will be, and if it ever does end, that you will have enjoyed the ride enough to see the value anyway. Always enjoy today for as much pleasure as you can get from it.
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Post by redskyatnight on Oct 14, 2008 11:54:09 GMT -5
OK, so this relationship is a bit unconventional -- not just because he's 10 years younger, but more that he really seems a bit childlike at times. Can he really follow through on all his promises? ; ) Will you hold it against him if he can't live up to all his promises? Will you help him fulfill them?
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Post by jules on Oct 14, 2008 13:42:29 GMT -5
Enjoy, shattered. I will humbly take objection to the suggestion to be willing to "help him" fulfill his promises. No no no no no. Take it from a woman who knows - you cannot "help" a man with his goals. Something to do with male pride and emasculation. He'll end up resenting the "help" and then the helper. Besides, who wants to mommy a grown man? Any goals, dreams, schemes, etc. must come from his own doing in order for him to truly own them.
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Post by redskyatnight on Oct 14, 2008 14:20:53 GMT -5
Enjoy, shattered. I will humbly take objection to the suggestion to be willing to "help him" fulfill his promises. No no no no no. Take it from a woman who knows - you cannot "help" a man with his goals. Something to do with male pride and emasculation. He'll end up resenting the "help" and then the helper. Besides, who wants to mommy a grown man? Any goals, dreams, schemes, etc. must come from his own doing in order for him to truly own them. Agreed, let me replace help with support. Will you support him to fulfill his promises?
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Post by hoodieprincess on Oct 14, 2008 17:30:44 GMT -5
I guessed I missed a lot in the last few days from moving and have no internet connection at home. WOW!!! This is so exciting! This is today! Hun, have a blast. Enjoy every day of it. Try to not plan for it working or not working. Take it day by day. (I know from experience that can be hard and reading your messages, it's amazing how similar we think). Really, make the most of each and every day and in the end, you can't regret that no matter how it turns out! Best of luck! Have fun!
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blu
Full Member
Posts: 145
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Post by blu on Oct 20, 2008 0:18:38 GMT -5
Inquiring minds are dying to know......................
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Post by shattered on Oct 21, 2008 11:12:27 GMT -5
Hi everyone. The reason I haven't posted anything else about the French guy is because I just haven't had the energy. Too depressed and confused.
Here's the deal: So he arrived last week. And instantly found out that the visa he got is NOT a work visa!! He thought it WAS a work visa, told the customs agent he intended to work here, and the customs agent said, Oh no you're not, you're leaving the U.S. in two and a half weeks, and stamped a Nov. 3 return date into the French guy's passport.
We're now entering round three of him promising me the NEXT visa will be the charm, and that he'll return to the U.S. to be with me just as soon as he can.
My initial reaction was to feel I was being played, but then I realized: This guy is genuinely sincere about his feelings for me -- and seemingly genuinely incompetent when it comes to straightening out his legal issues.
I've been lurking on the board, but have been too depressed about it to do any posting.
He's staying with me for these two and a half weeks until he leaves again, and we've having a great time together, and I am falling in love more every day -- which is NOT good, since I have no clue when I'll see him again!!!
He swears that regardless of what happens with the next visa, we will spend Christmas together (as we had planned). That even if he doesn't have his work status yet, he will come for Christmas just to visit.
I know he means it. I know he does. I am utterly convinced he has only the best intentions. But I am truly worried about whether or not he, despite his good intentions, is going to be able to get his act together.
After three years of emotional instability with my ex, followed by that excruciating post-break-up year, I am now CRAVING emotional stability more than ever. I simply have to have it now.
I spent the past two months waiting for the French guy to arrive here -- with him calling me every single day, telling me how great it's going to be when we finally live in the same city and can really be together, and how this time his visa situation is truly straightend out.
And then, after all that build-up, he arrives here, only to inform me he's leaving again in two weeks, and will return "as soon as possible."
I am so dreading yet another period of waiting, hoping, wondering. I need stability. I thought I was finally going to have some.... no end in sight to this...
ugh. As for redsky's question about whether I am willing to support him to live up to his promises -- yes, of course I am. But I can only support him if he pulls his own weight. And all this legal visa stuff, HE needs to figure out. And pay attention to what kind of visa he is getting and how it works, etc. I can't do that for him.
I have now hooked him up with an immigration lawyer (the one he was using seemed useless), and I've reminded him and pointed out to him what he needs to be aware of etc., but now he has to step up to the plate.
I can feed him -- but I can't chew his food for him. He at least needs to chew his own food.
I am trying to just enjoy the time with him here, and for the most part, I am. Last night, for instance, we had one of our most wonderful evenings ever.
But I'm human!! The more fun we have together, and the closer we get -- the more I worry about what is going to happen to our relationship when he leaves on Nov. 3! I can't seperate that!!
Sick of waiting, hoping, wondering....
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Post by jules on Oct 21, 2008 11:38:31 GMT -5
And here I am beginning to think that an emotionally stable relationship is just a fairy tale... Prove me wrong. Please.
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Post by JimB on Oct 21, 2008 12:30:04 GMT -5
What's wrong with this picture? Let's see. You're spending two and a half weeks with a wonderful man, and you're falling in love more every day. Yet you're "depressed and confused". Huh? What you have here is an excellent opportunity to learn how to let go and be happy with what you have. As you say, you can't chew his food for him, nor would you want to. I know you want things to "work out" (whatever that means), but there are too many uncontrollable factors involved. So enjoy the moment and let the future unfold at its own pace. Ain't no such thing as a perfect relationship - there's always going to be something to worry about. You can't control the uncontrollables, but you can control your attitude towards them. Let 'em go and live your life, especially when things are really good.
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