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Post by sheyd on Oct 23, 2008 8:33:24 GMT -5
Please let us know how it went - what a rollercoaster for you!
((((((((HUGS)))))))))
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Post by hoodieprincess on Oct 23, 2008 9:07:37 GMT -5
Hi Shattered. I have to say i kind of fall on JimB's wavelength here. Why not make sure that his reasons for not calling really are that he isn't serious about you. It may not be what you think. I have to say that I sympathise a bit with Frenchie because personally I am TERRIBLE at stuff like that - there is no way I'd have called the lawyer either. Some personalities just aren't built that way - I cannot pay a bill until it is red, I struggle to even pick stuff up from the dry cleaners or post a letter. I am a chronic procrastinator - it is just the way I'm built and it drives people nuts. he may well be the same - impulsivity and emotional intensity often go hand in hand with this kind of disorganisation and lack of attention. It sounds as if he IS crazy about you - he's just not crazy about trying to sort out immigration issues - and I wouldn't be too thrilled by that prospect either. Talk to him and see what he has to say. Good luck and keep your chin up. Very well said. JimB's post too... It is something to keep in mind for certain. And, at the same time, I can totally understand where you're coming from Shattered. I have had to make the speech several times over the last few days that we can't control feelings. Sadly, they have a mind of your own and even if you try to be rational or logical about it all, it's still easy to feel the way you're feeling.
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Post by hoodieprincess on Oct 23, 2008 9:08:46 GMT -5
Please let us know how it went - what a rollercoaster for you! ((((((((HUGS))))))))) Yes, I am very curious how it went. I didn't get a phone call last night so I am crossing my fingers that it didn't go too bad.
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Post by freckles on Oct 23, 2008 10:16:58 GMT -5
Hi Shattered. I have to say i kind of fall on JimB's wavelength here. Why not make sure that his reasons for not calling really are that he isn't serious about you. It may not be what you think. I have to say that I sympathise a bit with Frenchie because personally I am TERRIBLE at stuff like that - there is no way I'd have called the lawyer either. Some personalities just aren't built that way - I cannot pay a bill until it is red, I struggle to even pick stuff up from the dry cleaners or post a letter. I am a chronic procrastinator - it is just the way I'm built and it drives people nuts. he may well be the same - impulsivity and emotional intensity often go hand in hand with this kind of disorganisation and lack of attention. It sounds as if he IS crazy about you - he's just not crazy about trying to sort out immigration issues - and I wouldn't be too thrilled by that prospect either. Talk to him and see what he has to say. Good luck and keep your chin up. This is easy to clear up After a *Time* when you are really Reddy Marry Him That makes it OK for him to stay here
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Post by shattered on Oct 23, 2008 12:58:47 GMT -5
Please let us know how it went - what a rollercoaster for you! ((((((((HUGS))))))))) Yes, I am very curious how it went. I didn't get a phone call last night so I am crossing my fingers that it didn't go too bad. Hoodie, things went OK last night. I'll post in a minute. Thank you for your PM -- I've sent you my number as well. Hugs!
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Post by shattered on Oct 23, 2008 12:59:20 GMT -5
Please let us know how it went - what a rollercoaster for you! ((((((((HUGS))))))))) Thank you!
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Post by shattered on Oct 23, 2008 13:20:22 GMT -5
Let me just say that I am completely open to JimB's, Jules', and Ion's take on this.
In fact, I very much HOPE that that's what it is.
Let me also state, that in no way am I organized!! Jules -- everything you said about yourself -- the bills, etc. -- that is me and then some! The only other person I've ever met in my entire life who is a worse procrastinator than I am is my dad!!
So, I am more than sympathetic to disorganization and procrastination.
*BUT*: At some point, even I am capbable of doing what is necessary.
When I tell someone that X is my absolute priority, and that I will do the "maximum" to do what is necessary to achieve X -- then I do *not* forget about it, put it off, ignore it, not doing even the *minimum*!!!
People do what they want to do. People do what is important to them.
And if he is sooooo unable to do even something so small for something so supposedly important to him -- then that's a sign right there that I could probably never rely on him for much in the future, making a realtionship between us impossible.
I am disorganized and a procrastinator extraordinaire. *But I keep my word.* I don't think it's too much to ask him to do the same.
When I came home last night, I didn't bring it up. He told me on his own that he had called the lawyer and left a message. We had a glass of wine, some nice chit chat on the couch, and then I said I need to talk to him. Essentially, what I said was:
-- You've been talking up a storm, promising me the moon, the stars, and the sky, and the never-ending "maximum." What I have seen from you is that you're not even doing the minimum. This is very confusing to me. -- Actions speak louder than words. -- I've had an awful lot of words from you -- and the opposite actions. -- I need your words and your actions to be the same. -- I don't want you to do anything you don't want to do, but you can't keep telling me one thing, and doing another. -- If you are having doubts about this whole situation, please tell me now. I think I deserve to know.
He was extremely vigorous in protesting that there were no doubts on his side whatsoever, and that he would do "the maximum" to be with me and was about to launch into another one of his endless monologues--
--that's when I cut him off and said -- please stop with the barrage of words. Right now I really need less talk and more action from you.
He said a million times "Cherie, you are right." I told him this wasn't about me being "right," but about me simply wanting to be in the clear about what is really going on. Nothing more. Nothing less.
Then we both let it go and went out for dinner and had a really wonderful time.
He called me at work this morning and said he has an appointment with the laywer next week.
That's the status.
Im feeling better than yesterday, for sure, but I can' say I'm screamingly happy with the situation. I'm in a holding pattern. We'll see what else does or doesn't happen.
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Post by JimB on Oct 23, 2008 13:35:33 GMT -5
Holla. We all gotta draw our line in the sand, and that's yours.
Glad you used it as an opportunity for communication, rather than an excuse to throw the walls up. Sounds like he reacted in a fairly adult fashion, too, which bodes well. Hope you're able to relax, enjoy, and let the future take care of itself for the next few days. It's in his hands now, so in the meantime, have fun - you've earned it.
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Post by shattered on Oct 23, 2008 13:41:52 GMT -5
Thanks, Jim.
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