Post by Kim Possible on Oct 15, 2008 17:53:39 GMT -5
** as long as the advice is NOT "I think you should get married" (lol).
Okay, I am not hysterical about it right now, and I might be overreacting, but I'm feeling like my man and I are in a rut. Either that, or it is fading away. The reason I am asking for male advice is b/c i need to make sure that this is not just a guy thing (the way he is acting, or that I need to make myself more clear, etc). Ladies, feel free to chime in too!!
We are dating two years and there are no overt problems. The pros: We still complement each other, have fun, do a lot of family things (he has no kids, I have one), he is great with my daughter. We try to go out still, but are cost concious. We go drinking, play darts, ballgames, etc. (what we both like to do). He is my right hand man, does all the manly things for me (something I never had with my ex-h). I am moving, and he will do whatever I need him to do for me, without even asking. he knows me very well, what I like, dislike, he knows I am forgetful, so is my 'reminder'. he puts thought behind every gift and card he has ever given me. he has done all the right things a bf should do.
So what's the problem? The 'romance' is fading. When we started dating, he was not working, out on disability. Now he is working (has been for about 6 months now). We do not see each other as much, and obvously, you need to see someone to be romantic with them. I can't tell you when the last time we had sex was. The other night (after quite a hiatus), we had a situation, where it didn't go well, and I asked him to stop. I was probably a bit harsh (in his mind), but I told him, essentailly, that I love him, and he knows how much I enjoy when he satisfies me, but that what he was doing was not doing anything for me. It was actually irritating me. He asked me what i wanted, and I couldn't answer. my thought was, "I shouldn't have to tell you what I want". At this point, my desire was gone.
A good part of this has to do with my past (shocker :. The events of the evening seemed kind of half-hearted, and it reminded me of my ex, when I had NO interest in sex, b/c he was only looking to satisfy himself.
So, before this, I was feeling like there was a lack of quantity. Now, i am feeling like its both (quantity and quality).
This was monday, I haven't seen him since. I thought he was going out last night (he plays darts without me on tuesdays) and didn't go. He stayed home and played socom.
Tonight, I asked him if he was going to come over. He gave me a roundabout no (via text), so I replied "does that mean no", and his reply was "I guess babydoll". I know he is at home, just talked to him on IM.
Yeah, you have to work in the morning. So does the rest of the world!! I am not asking you to make hot monkey love to me all night!!
So how do I deal with this? My friend told me I should've asked him again, and told him that I really wanted to see him. It is not my style to beg. he knows I am home alone, and that I wanted him to come over.
Am I expecting too much mind-reading here? One of the things I love about him is that he knows me very well. He can read me like a book. The other night, he knew I was still awake, and was bothered by what happened. He asked me what I was upset about. I lied and said I was not upset. I was not ready to have this talk yet, b/c i don't know how to initiate it. And now, since I haven't seem him since (and will not until at least Sat).
I feel like he should know this is bothering me. The sex thing should be fairly obvious. Unlike with my ex (and the one before that), I just was not into it. But now I totally am, with him. I would do anything (or at least try it once ), but that has not been something he has been into (at least not in recent months). He talks a good talk in front of others, but honestly, there's no variety going on ( ).
The lack of time together is another thing tho. I have never been one to force someone to spend time with me, or to restrict his social life. But since we don't live together, we really don't spend that much time together. And at least one day a week we spend together, my daughter is around, so there's no 'adult time' (if even cuddling).
How do I approach this without it sounding like a therpay session about my past?
Okay, I am not hysterical about it right now, and I might be overreacting, but I'm feeling like my man and I are in a rut. Either that, or it is fading away. The reason I am asking for male advice is b/c i need to make sure that this is not just a guy thing (the way he is acting, or that I need to make myself more clear, etc). Ladies, feel free to chime in too!!
We are dating two years and there are no overt problems. The pros: We still complement each other, have fun, do a lot of family things (he has no kids, I have one), he is great with my daughter. We try to go out still, but are cost concious. We go drinking, play darts, ballgames, etc. (what we both like to do). He is my right hand man, does all the manly things for me (something I never had with my ex-h). I am moving, and he will do whatever I need him to do for me, without even asking. he knows me very well, what I like, dislike, he knows I am forgetful, so is my 'reminder'. he puts thought behind every gift and card he has ever given me. he has done all the right things a bf should do.
So what's the problem? The 'romance' is fading. When we started dating, he was not working, out on disability. Now he is working (has been for about 6 months now). We do not see each other as much, and obvously, you need to see someone to be romantic with them. I can't tell you when the last time we had sex was. The other night (after quite a hiatus), we had a situation, where it didn't go well, and I asked him to stop. I was probably a bit harsh (in his mind), but I told him, essentailly, that I love him, and he knows how much I enjoy when he satisfies me, but that what he was doing was not doing anything for me. It was actually irritating me. He asked me what i wanted, and I couldn't answer. my thought was, "I shouldn't have to tell you what I want". At this point, my desire was gone.
A good part of this has to do with my past (shocker :. The events of the evening seemed kind of half-hearted, and it reminded me of my ex, when I had NO interest in sex, b/c he was only looking to satisfy himself.
So, before this, I was feeling like there was a lack of quantity. Now, i am feeling like its both (quantity and quality).
This was monday, I haven't seen him since. I thought he was going out last night (he plays darts without me on tuesdays) and didn't go. He stayed home and played socom.
Tonight, I asked him if he was going to come over. He gave me a roundabout no (via text), so I replied "does that mean no", and his reply was "I guess babydoll". I know he is at home, just talked to him on IM.
Yeah, you have to work in the morning. So does the rest of the world!! I am not asking you to make hot monkey love to me all night!!
So how do I deal with this? My friend told me I should've asked him again, and told him that I really wanted to see him. It is not my style to beg. he knows I am home alone, and that I wanted him to come over.
Am I expecting too much mind-reading here? One of the things I love about him is that he knows me very well. He can read me like a book. The other night, he knew I was still awake, and was bothered by what happened. He asked me what I was upset about. I lied and said I was not upset. I was not ready to have this talk yet, b/c i don't know how to initiate it. And now, since I haven't seem him since (and will not until at least Sat).
I feel like he should know this is bothering me. The sex thing should be fairly obvious. Unlike with my ex (and the one before that), I just was not into it. But now I totally am, with him. I would do anything (or at least try it once ), but that has not been something he has been into (at least not in recent months). He talks a good talk in front of others, but honestly, there's no variety going on ( ).
The lack of time together is another thing tho. I have never been one to force someone to spend time with me, or to restrict his social life. But since we don't live together, we really don't spend that much time together. And at least one day a week we spend together, my daughter is around, so there's no 'adult time' (if even cuddling).
How do I approach this without it sounding like a therpay session about my past?