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Post by redskyatnight on Oct 21, 2008 16:42:51 GMT -5
Well, don't hold your breath. But you already know that. Some said the same thing about my ex, and that never happened. No breath holding. I refuse to turn blue...It's bad for the complexion! Yay! I can still try and be sarcastic at least. lol Really, I think because we on a lot of levels are still a good match, our mutual friends are just hoping. I know however, that it is unrealistic. And, being as I now know him better than they do, I know he's just not going to see it. He's too immature. It's okay, I know it's his loss. It doesn't make either of us bad people, just not the right people for eachother. Thanks for the continued support today. I've really needed it to get through the day... It looks like you are finding the strength you were looking for.
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Post by Mod (PQ-Kermie) on Oct 21, 2008 21:34:31 GMT -5
Every second of life is about living and learning from those seconds. There should be no regret in the time you spent happy and there should be no remorse in the time you are going through now. Maybe not today maybe not next year.. but someday you will pull a memory from this experience and apply it to the minute you are living then. When the anger subsides about the bad you see right now.. take with it the good and use it to make you laugh or smile when you need it the most. The worst thing you can do is carry around anger about something you had no control over. Sooner or later the weight of the anger will bring you to your knees.
Throw off the weight.. stand up and walk on.
This is what we do.
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Post by Mel (cherry) on Oct 21, 2008 21:57:59 GMT -5
As always well spoken PQ. I'm so sorry hun. I know we talked briefly about this but I wanted to stop and let you know you were on my mind. That zen place of acceptance and allowing the experience to flow through you is both difficult and easy to achieve. If that isn't clear as mud, I don't know what is. What I mean seriously though is, that we know we should let go and look for what we should learn from a situation, but emotions are hard and painful to separate from that fact. Each experience enriches us as people, can teach us priceless things about ourselves and the world around us, and can make us appreciate more deeply, the right thing when it makes its apperance. Patience is the hardest of virtues........... For me it was a matter of life and death almost literally. I have to carefully choose what I "battle" because it directly affects my health. Thus, I'm pretty mellow and zen these days........ ((HUG))
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blu
Full Member
Posts: 145
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Post by blu on Oct 22, 2008 1:17:45 GMT -5
HP I am so sorry. I had a similar experience last Christmas and so understand the emotions. The coming and going so rapidly just feels crazy and its hard to rationalize when it feels it was going so well. It still stings some days.... You are a smart, beautiful, strong woman and a great mom from what I can tell! So you loved and he lost.....it doesn't mean a single thing you did or said should have been done differently. He just wasn't as healthy as you. Next time, and there wil be a next time, the goodness you put out there will hopefully come back to you. Give yourself time to heal but not time to second guess yourself and then continue on the new path you have set for yourself and your children. This is but a flesh wound compared to what you have already been through.
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Post by charbiedoll on Oct 22, 2008 5:43:54 GMT -5
well hoodie, sorry to hear of whats going on. If its worth anything at all....It looks like you at least realize you are a deserving person and should settle for nothing less than someone who is good to you! thats awesome! hang tough!!!
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Post by hoodieprincess on Oct 22, 2008 9:46:43 GMT -5
I hope you all know how much I appreciate the words of wisdom I get here... Each and every one of you has offered me a valuable piece of advice or reassurance. I really have needed it right now. I feel like it's not just the stress of the situation but the stress of everything that is making me take this particular situation so hard. I sat last night and did a lot of thinking (amazing what a couple beers can do ). I have this saying I remind myself of and it was funny to then see Kermie's post this morning. The saying goes, "Never regret anything because at one time, it was exactly what you wanted." So, I am trying really hard to live with no regrets but it sure can be difficult. I think it's easier for me to second guess myself and my judgments because they were so outside the norm for me. Really, I am baffled how I let this happen like this. I mean, we didn't really date very long at all. And, if it had been anyone else and had only been this long, his call to stop seeing each other would really have been no big deal. Somehow, after a short time, I got VERY comfortable and felt VERY safe. I opened up a lot and let down my guard. So what wouldn't have normally been a big deal seems to have effected me greatly. I just keep reminding myself, it's one more drop in a bucket already full. It will all fade away soon enough as I keep busy and live my day-to-day making this new life for myself and my kids that I'd already started. And, I know that finally learning to let my guard down a bit should actually be considered a success, not a failure. It still stings, it still brings tears. But, if I can learn something from all of it, it isn't a wasted experience...
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Post by hoodieprincess on Oct 22, 2008 12:30:02 GMT -5
I hate this...I just read my last post and though it was just a few hours ago, it feels like another person entirely.
Damn, I can sure put on a good front when I need to!
People have been asking about him like crazy today...Some that knew the situation, most of them didn't. Yesterday I came to work looking kind of like a shmuck after being totally exausted from this all and T being sick again. Today, I tried hard to look nice. And, everyone has equated it to me "being happy in love." Really, I just feel like kicking every person that says it! lol
I hate feeling like I keep going back and forth and can't pick one side of the fence to stay on.
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Post by shattered on Oct 22, 2008 13:09:33 GMT -5
I hate this...I just read my last post and though it was just a few hours ago, it feels like another person entirely. Damn, I can sure put on a good front when I need to! People have been asking about him like crazy today...Some that knew the situation, most of them didn't. Yesterday I came to work looking kind of like a shmuck after being totally exausted from this all and T being sick again. Today, I tried hard to look nice. And, everyone has equated it to me "being happy in love." Really, I just feel like kicking every person that says it! lol I hate feeling like I keep going back and forth and can't pick one side of the fence to stay on. Oh, hoodie, that stinks. I was about to write back to your previous post about how strong you sound. Yes, you do put up a good front! ; ) I guess the back and forth is unavoidable. Ugh. Bleah. Keep hanging in there!!!!
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Post by jules on Oct 22, 2008 13:46:29 GMT -5
That is the crazy thing about all of this...EVERYTHING I seemed to do was out of my normal pattern of behavior. From dating someone so much younger to them meeting my kids to the time we spent together or whatever...It was all outside how I do things. I think somewhere I always got the message dating for me wasn't working before because I was always much too guarded or distant. My walls seemed impossible for anyone to break through. So, here's to finding middle ground... Yeah. Holy crap. I can totally relate to this, especially today. (It's been a bad day.) Your attitude is a lot healthier than my instinct to secure the walls and let the ice queen reign.
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Post by hoodieprincess on Oct 23, 2008 15:41:04 GMT -5
That is the crazy thing about all of this...EVERYTHING I seemed to do was out of my normal pattern of behavior. From dating someone so much younger to them meeting my kids to the time we spent together or whatever...It was all outside how I do things. I think somewhere I always got the message dating for me wasn't working before because I was always much too guarded or distant. My walls seemed impossible for anyone to break through. So, here's to finding middle ground... Yeah. Holy crap. I can totally relate to this, especially today. (It's been a bad day.) Your attitude is a lot healthier than my instinct to secure the walls and let the ice queen reign. I am realistic in knowing what I "need" to do. But, it doesn't mean that it's going to happen any time soon. Instinct often reigns supreme. And, instinct says look out for me and my kiddos, stay guarded and don't believe a line of the bs that they try and feed. And, with my normal state, I have a hard time believing that most anything isn't bs. It doesn't mean that I don't think it's worth trying. I really admit that all along I try, I just don't succeed very well. In the long run, I learned from my failed marriage and divorce that each thing that happens (good or bad) is another step to the destination I am trying to get. And, I try and make sure that I learn from each thing that happens (good and bad) because then I can't consider anything true time wasted even if I look back at some of it with regret. It's human nature to question yourself and wonder where you went wrong. Yet, if I can come through it stronger and wiser, than I have still succeeded. So, I can't give up and I can keep moving forward because I sure as hell refuse to stay stuck in the sad state I'm in.
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Post by shattered on Oct 23, 2008 16:38:15 GMT -5
"I sure as hell refuse to stay stuck in the sad state I'm in."
Whoo hoo!!!
Good. For. You.
I am going to do my best to have that same attitude.
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Post by redskyatnight on Oct 27, 2008 7:07:57 GMT -5
Yeah. Holy crap. I can totally relate to this, especially today. (It's been a bad day.) Your attitude is a lot healthier than my instinct to secure the walls and let the ice queen reign. I am realistic in knowing what I "need" to do. But, it doesn't mean that it's going to happen any time soon. Instinct often reigns supreme. And, instinct says look out for me and my kiddos, stay guarded and don't believe a line of the bs that they try and feed. And, with my normal state, I have a hard time believing that most anything isn't bs. It doesn't mean that I don't think it's worth trying. I really admit that all along I try, I just don't succeed very well. In the long run, I learned from my failed marriage and divorce that each thing that happens (good or bad) is another step to the destination I am trying to get. And, I try and make sure that I learn from each thing that happens (good and bad) because then I can't consider anything true time wasted even if I look back at some of it with regret. It's human nature to question yourself and wonder where you went wrong. Yet, if I can come through it stronger and wiser, than I have still succeeded. So, I can't give up and I can keep moving forward because I sure as hell refuse to stay stuck in the sad state I'm in. You will get there. you will learn from it and move on because that is your style. The pissy emotions will eb and flow. Good and bad days will cycle, but the good will eventually overtake the bad, of course, you know all this. I hope today is a good day.
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