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Post by Mel (cherry) on Nov 6, 2008 14:08:14 GMT -5
Now I have found a man who is totally amazing and we are getting married in less than 6 months and I'm finding myself getting awfully "girly" about it all. *blush* awfully girly? try uber-disgustingly-so-totally-not-like-you girly!!! ;D Hey you aren't supposed to tattle on me.  Yes Jules, I think you are completely right. The "wrong" person never would have gotten past that protective veneer. The trick is to balance never letting them and letting them too soon/too much right? I almost didn't see that part of it. Thankfully he was willing to put in the work with me........and he was so worth it in return. |
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Post by jules on Nov 6, 2008 14:57:21 GMT -5
The trick is to balance never letting them and letting them too soon/too much right? I almost didn't see that part of it. Thankfully he was willing to put in the work with me........and he was so worth it in return. That's where it gets risky, and up to each of us individually to evaluate each situation and decide if the potential reward is worth the risk. I'm glad you found a reward that superceeded the risk by leaps and bounds. |
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Post by Mel (cherry) on Nov 6, 2008 15:08:39 GMT -5
Fear is a powerful motivator for sure. But the trick is, you can also use it to motivate a healthy change for yourself.
I have no doubt that you both are self aware enough to know and impliment that. I've already watch how far you guys have come!!!
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Post by JimB on Nov 6, 2008 21:47:06 GMT -5
I'm glad you found a reward that superceeded the risk by leaps and bounds. That reward exists for everyone - we just have to be patient and persistent enough to find it. Pain presents us with a choice: descend into misery, or use it as motivation to transcend into ecstasy. There is no avoiding pain, and efforts to do so just result in the kind of unsatisfactory life that is even worse than pain. We all have a choice as to what we do with our pain, so why not use it to our advantage? I happen to like the person I am now much more than I have in the past. I attribute a lot of this to my experiences with pain. I've suffered, and then I've risen above. I know I am a survivor, and that boosts my confidence whenever I pause to consider it. It sucks to suffer, and it sucks to see those you care about suffer. But if you can put it into perspective, it can become a good thing in the long term. |
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Post by jules on Nov 7, 2008 10:45:12 GMT -5
I agree that the best lessons are those that one must go through the most difficult process to learn.
I'm not worried about the "reward." I like myself too much these days to want to settle for anything less than what is really right for the person I am right now. Meanwhile, I can enjoy romantic distractions without allowing it to take over my life or interfere with my journey of personal growth.
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Post by shattered on Nov 7, 2008 13:03:28 GMT -5
Meanwhile, I can enjoy romantic distractions without allowing it to take over my life or interfere with my journey of personal growth. Wow, that is fantastic. I wish I could do that. Utterly incapable. Good for you!!! |
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Post by crushy on Nov 13, 2008 0:08:07 GMT -5
Don't you know that every cynic is really a closet romantic in denial? I do take a "hard line" in my mind if only to compensate for a soft heart. Being consistantly pragmatic in my approach helps to keep me from getting too carried away (sometimes.) It's ironic -- I was actually mulling over very similar thoughts just last night, only not just in regards to romantic relationships, but rather to the way people in the world treat each other in general. The only answer I can come up with is that misery loves company -- and begets more misery. Meaning people are forever searching outside of themselves to find fulfillment, while that fulfillment has to come from within. People truly comfortable in their own skin are less likely to lash out at others, intentionally or not. It seems a bit hopeless at times. I guess the only thing each of us can do is start from within and pay it forward in a sense. And hope that in doing so we can put more goodness out into the world. Maybe then us cynics may one day become comfortable enough to come out of the closet.  Very well said, Jules. Love your honesty with yourself and willing to share with us. redsky, how is your friend doing? Yes, there are a lot of cheaters and I've done my share of using it as a protection, but I'm finally believing there are some out there that are more than lip service. |
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Post by redskyatnight on Nov 13, 2008 16:28:19 GMT -5
She's devastated, and she hasn’t approached him with the information. She continues to talk to him and see him; although, we went out the other night so she would have something else to do. It’s hard to see her in so much turmoil, but we had a good time. I guess she is weighing what to do about it without causing too much of a scene between them.
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Post by crushy on Nov 13, 2008 16:35:33 GMT -5
Please keep us updated on your friend's status. I feel for her...I really do. Have you told her about 'Hugthat.com'? We'd welcome her w/ open arms. For me, the transition between denial and acceptance was the hardest. Give her time...if he keeps this up, she'll be forced to face it and that's when she's going to need you the most. Remind me? I recall you are in and out of court. Is your court nightmare over? Is the Guardian still in the picture? Were you cheated on? I'm just trying to connect some dots. I will keep your friend in my thoughts and prayers because she needs it. Crushy  |
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Post by redskyatnight on Nov 15, 2008 7:22:06 GMT -5
It is hard to watch her in pain, but she needs to figure out what to do. I relay all the wisdom I've gotten, but in the end, she'll do what she can handle. I din't tell her about hugthat, but next time we talk, I will. She's not one to express her emotions very much, so I don't know if she will put them on the Internet. lol
Crushy- I'm still in court. I doubt court will ever be over. He needs an outside source keeping him in line and the court seems to do that. Thankfully! (although it is expensive) Co-parenting is going well. I've only got two more things to settle from the property agreement because of it. We definately still need the co-parenting, but it is working for the kids and that is the whole point. I see some progress. Trouble is, I never know if the progress is real or if he is faking it. We have court ordered phone calls once a week and those help with logistics of scheduleing. However, if we ever disagree.......LOOK OUT!!!!!!
And yes, I was cheated on with a family friend he introduced to me as his "adopted sister" She was maid of honor and I walked in on them in a hot tub while we were on vacation. I never thought my life would be soap opera worthy, but it happended. lol
Thanks for your prayers. She will need all the support she can get, from herself, her friends and all the forces of the universe. Thank you!!!!
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Post by redskyatnight on Dec 15, 2008 11:46:13 GMT -5
Just an update in case anyone is interested -
I talked to my friend this weekend. She has joined a singles group in the area and is out meeting people after going to two meetings. She still sees the other guy, but not as often and seems to be slowly distancing herself emotionally from him. She doesn't sit around waiting for him to call and makes plans without him. I think its healthy for her to do that.
She didn't sound depressed, but she wasn't happy either.
I find it so odd that people seek relationships, only to be hurt by them. Where is Pavlov when you need him?
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