After all the time that has passed since Robbie I would have thought this wouldn't have been an issue. M has been great through it all. Last night we had our first, I don't even know what you would call it. It was totally my fault, I became territorial over my space.
Thank you Mel for the pep talk and helping me feel less of a fool. I took your advice, and we did talk. He was amazing.
M is going through a lot right now, I don't want to get into everything that is going on as this is a public board and it is his business. In a typical man fashion he is being distant, which I understand, but at the same time it is bringing up a lot of stuff I thought I had dealt with.
I don't want to burden him with my stupid crap when he has so much else going on that needs his attention and I know that it has nothing to do with me, but why am I feeling so insecure? He has given me no reason to feel this way.
I don't know every detail of your story, but from your post, I'd say you are both going through a lot and it's probably not fair to kick yourself for things coming up from the past. I know as soon as I thought I was over something, I would get hit right between the eyes...even with things I thought to be insignificant.
You're bound to have insecurities after what you've been through. Please don't be hard on yourself. Just keep doing what you're doing and respect his need to be distant because he's probably just trying to assess and plan of attack (resolution). I'm no guy, but my experience has been to let them have their time, be supportive (but still honest) and they will feel a sense of control and accomplishment and you will be the first he calls.
I know I am in no position to even try to relate to what you have gone through and are going through, but I truly believe, most guys need some time and as women, often we need some reassurance. In my relationship, if one of us needs time, we've learned to verbalize the need for time and then assure the other we are not going anywhere and will be there when the other figures some things out. It works for us.
It eliminates the games, the fear of one finding someone else, but still honors the other's need for time and perspective. I truly believe if a couple can do this, you can both come back that much stronger and with that much more trust in the relationship.
You're such a strong woman, but you have your moments, right? Does that minimize your feelings for him? I'm guessing not. Please just try to remind yourself it can go both ways.
Post by hoodieprincess on Nov 28, 2008 10:19:27 GMT -5
It sounds like you realized right away that there was something going on and the fact that you addressed it and tried to straighten things out with yourself say volumes about the progress you've made with your life. It is normal to have moments where the past comes to haunt us. Just the same, you seem to be working to get that under control at the moment and you should actually be proud of yourself!
The thought that occurred to me reading your post is that recently, you kind of felt like you just took a major step using the "L" word and all. Maybe the feeling of that big step forward is making you feel a little out on a limb right now which typically seems to be the most likely time that we start to be haunted by those pesky insecurities our past has given us. The ground sometimes feels a little uneasy after things like that and more than we realize, we tend to look for signs that we made the right decision. It becomes easier for little things to trigger insecurities until we feel comfort again in the choices and decisions we've made.
You seem to have yourself very much in control of your thought process on this and are trying to get a grasp on the things bothering you so really, I know you're kicking yourself a bit but you should also be giving yourself a pat on the back for not totally letting fears and insecurities take over. As Mel pointed out, I think you are your toughest critic. So, don't forget to take the bad with the good.
You can't stop the sunrise and you can't stop the sunset. What's meant to be will eventually just be.