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Post by blazinheart on Jan 7, 2008 19:13:46 GMT -5
As i've been developing my relationship with "A" over the phone and through emails, we've touched on the subject of friendship between men and women.
See, in North Africa, the countries are predominantly muslim. The governments are muslim and the vast majority of people are muslim. "A" mentioned that in arabic, there is no word for "friend" between men and women. So, if an arabic speaking individual asked me what "A" was, there would be no word to describe it.
This absence of terminology for friendship between men and women reflect the muslim culture as well. In a muslim country, men and women who aren't married, for the most part, do not socialize together, it just doesn't happen.
Then I thought about it. And it doesn't seem unreasonable to me. I've never been close friends with any woman. I see no need to become close friends with a woman, and I have no desire to become close friends with a woman.
Women relate to women and men relate to men, that's the way it is. Women understand women and men understand men.
And that's fine with me.
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Post by goods on Jan 7, 2008 19:17:04 GMT -5
That's fine with me too Blazin...
let's go out, play some pool, drink some beers and oogle the chicas.
BTW if you remember the Ojar thread about the whole (married)men/women friends thing you'll remember that I think that is mostly a very bad idea.
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Post by jules on Jan 8, 2008 0:16:55 GMT -5
Another concept with which I totally disagree. Friendship between men and women is extremely beneficial for many reasons, not the least of which is learning how the other gender may view certain things differently. Without that you're just seeing any member of the opposite sex as a potential mate, which is kind of creepy.
Besides, I personally happen to get along better with more men a lot of the time than a lot of women. So many women I encounter (through work, etc.) can be so superficial that I just can't relate. Guys are much more low maintainance.
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super
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Post by super on Jan 8, 2008 0:22:26 GMT -5
i'm with you jules. i think it's a warning sign if a guy doesn't have any female friends.
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Post by Phoenixx on Jan 8, 2008 7:39:09 GMT -5
I think men and women make great friends. My best friend is a guy and I totally understand him. He totally understands me. I love having both girl and guy friends. Sticking with one sex (for example, just girls for me) would be too restrictive.
The difference is whether you are actually JUST friends, or whether one harbours feelings for the other or both secretly like eachother.
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Post by blazinheart on Jan 8, 2008 10:40:50 GMT -5
Friendship between men and women is extremely beneficial for many reasons, not the least of which is learning how the other gender may view certain things differently. Without that you're just seeing any member of the opposite sex as a potential mate, which is kind of creepy. Well, if a man already has a wife, then he doesn't see every member of the opposite sex as a potential mate, cause he already has one. And for a single guy like me, well, I have strict standards, so I certainly don't see every female as a potential mate. Usually, I just ignore most women. The bottomline is, I have nothing to say to women, and they really have very little of importance to say to me. Women opperate on a totally different level than men, which jules, would probably explain why you enjoy the company of men. You don't have to talk about mundane crap all day long. |
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ladyj
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Post by ladyj on Jan 8, 2008 10:44:31 GMT -5
Wow.........I wonder if the seventy five percent of my friends who happen to be men feel the same way............ Blazin did you read it over before posting? LOL Friendship between men and women is extremely beneficial for many reasons, not the least of which is learning how the other gender may view certain things differently. Without that you're just seeing any member of the opposite sex as a potential mate, which is kind of creepy. Well, if a man already has a wife, then he doesn't see every member of the opposite sex as a potential mate, cause he already has one. And for a single guy like me, well, I have strict standards, so I certainly don't see every female as a potential mate. Usually, I just ignore most women. The bottomline is, I have nothing to say to women, and they really have very little of importance to say to me. Women opperate on a totally different level than men, which jules, would probably explain why you enjoy the company of men. You don't have to talk about mundane crap all day long. |
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Post by Dave on Jan 8, 2008 12:35:38 GMT -5
I never hang out with dudes. A good seventy-five percent of my friends are women. Men tend to be boring as hell.
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Post by jules on Jan 8, 2008 13:35:42 GMT -5
Women opperate on a totally different level than men, which jules, would probably explain why you enjoy the company of men. You don't have to talk about mundane crap all day long. But I am a woman. So how does that fit into your theory? |
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Post by sheyd on Jan 8, 2008 15:28:05 GMT -5
I think it is really sad when people don't have friends of the opposite sex. Yes, sometimes men and women DO think differently (as do women and women, as do men and men...) The beauty of having an opposite sex friend is that they can EXPLAIN things to you that a partner or other friend may not be able to. A friend who understands a bit better than you where your partner is coming from is invaluable.
When you are in conflict with someone, you have too much invested to really "hear" what they are saying - you can get really defensive. However, if an opposite sex friend chimes in and tells you "their" perspective, or basically hits you upside the head for being so stupid, it sinks in better. They are also good for dating advice, and life advice that may be different from your same sex friends. You are really missing a lot if you stick with only same sex friends...
Shey
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Post by blazinheart on Jan 8, 2008 18:33:24 GMT -5
Well, obviously there's chicks that I socialize with from time to time, but it's not like I seek them out or crave time with them. I humor women for the most part. Occasionally one will come along with some objectivity and we can discuss certain things in depth. But usually conversations with women revolve around gossip, rumors, he said/she said stuff, shallow materialism, and just general sillyness, all of which I have a very low tolerance for.
And now that most men in our society have been emasculated and are shallow wussies, they make perfect friends for women. It's basically like having 2 women get together.
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JC
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Post by JC on Jan 13, 2008 9:39:34 GMT -5
omg how did i miss this? most of my friends are guys... it has always been that way. i was a huge tomboy growing up... one of the girls in the neighborhood would ask me to play barbies, or dress up or some such game, my answer was always the same, nope im going to play football/basketball/baseball whatever with the boys... that sort of mentality has followed me my whole life.. i would much rather go drink a beer with the guys than drink wine and gossip with the girls... i dont fit in with them, i never have and never will.. i guess, a big part of that is my big mouth, i will always say what is on my mind, whereas most women bullshit around the truth and expect you to know what they are thinking... my oldest friends are all guys that i went to school with.
on the same token, i cant say that it hasnt gotten me in trouble. the fact is, there are guys who dont want women as friends, they view every talk as foreplay, and when you dont sleep with them you are both left wondering wtf? this has happened to me A LOT including on ojar... and i dont know how many times i have had a guy friend tell me that he couldnt hang out with me anymore because his jealous girlfriend didnt like it.. seems women are threatened by a woman who knows her man better than her..
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Post by kittenhart on Jan 13, 2008 16:11:52 GMT -5
Usually, I just ignore most women. The bottomline is, I have nothing to say to women, and they really have very little of importance to say to me. Women operate on a totally different level than men, which jules, would probably explain why you enjoy the company of men. You don't have to talk about mundane crap all day long. This offends me so much and on so many levels that I honestly don't know how to respond to this....plus, I feel that any response I could give would be a waste of my respiration.... You are really missing out on a huge portion of the human experience if this is honestly how you experience communication with women....and that is very sad for you. It is your loss. I have several close friends that are male ( with no underlying motivation to ever be more than just friends on both sides) and it is great. Maybe the fact that there is no word for "friend" between a man and a woman in Arabic says more about the Muslim culture than we in North America will ever really "get"....you'll probably feel right at home with that Blazin' (and since A isn't really "just a friend" to you, you may as well just call it what it is, instead of this whole denial thing you have going on)  She's not just a "friend" to you....so why are you even wondering what the word is? |
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