Frecks, if you're serious about the ad, you are welcome to PM it to me and I'll edit it for you.
I mailed it in allready:
SWM, Christian, Loving, non-addicted, Self-Employed, Teach Defensive Driving and Sell Books Online, Seeking non-addicted Woman, must Relocate, Send Photo, My Prayer : God Bring us Together amen. P.S. Are You asking God for a Husband ? Here I am .
My two cents: There is nothing specifically wrong with the ad, but there is nothing that makes it interesting or appealing.
Also: "non-addicted" just sounds weird. Like you've had too much experience with addicts in the past. Which is true -- but that is NOT something you want to advertise! That is something you reveal only once you've gotten to know someone a little bit.
Also, being a non-addict should go without saying. If not, why not include: non-cheater, non-wife-beater, non-murderer, non-arsonist, non-terrorist, non-puppy-kicker....
Also, why "must relocate"? What if she lives in the area? But even if a woman lives far away, it just sounds too much like you're issuing an order. Also, if you're demanding relocation, shouldn't you at least name what state you're in?
Also, what about your age? You could be 25 or 65. You should include.
I liked the way the ad started -- SWM, Christian, loving, self-emplyoyed, that is all good.
But don't you have any desires for a woman other than that she is a non-addict who will relocate? List some qualites in a woman that you want -- e.g., wants children, loves gardening, seeks soulmate, whatever.
Should your current ad not get you the results you want, for the future how about something like this:
Loving Christian SWM, [your age here], seeks loving Christian SWF [woman's age range here, e.g. 32 - 40] for love, marriage, and starting a family. Self-employed, good life, but missing an honest and loyal woman to make my life complete. Are you asking God for a husband? I'm asking Him for a wife. Let's meet. Photo appreciated.
Since you're asking for a photo -- will one of you run with the ad? If not, it's weird to ask for photo in ad. (Also, see my wording for that request. Much more appealing than "Send photo.'
And I wouldn't say "Here I am" -- you don't want to sound like you're willing to marry just anyone. Granted, at this point you may be, but again, that's not something you should advertise; it can be a turn off.
Instead of "Christian SWF" you could just put "Christian lady" if you don't care about race.
And if you must include something about substance abuse, or if you must have a tee-totaller when it comes to drinking, you could add: "No alchohol or drugs, please."
Last Edit: Feb 20, 2009 16:35:59 GMT -5 by shattered