It feels really good that I was able to figure out what I need in a relationship (which basically comes down to feeling valued), and specific things that do and don't meet this need. I also realized that I would rather end a relationship than remain in one with someone who isn't willing or able to put forth the effort to meet my needs. As nice as the "good stuff" is, and as much as it sucks to be lonely, questioning where I stand on someone's priority scale feels far worse.
It feels even better that I was able to verbalize all this in a calm, positive, rational manner, which ended up opening the door for a really good, open, honest discussion. Regardless of what happens, at least I'll know that I did my part so that informed decisions are made, which is more than fair to both of us.
Either I've actually learned something from all of those relationship books I've been reading, or I should write one of my own!
Remember you are dealing with a MAN. It might take a few months to sink in.
“The only people for me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones who never yawn or say a commonplace thing, but burn, burn, burn, like fabulous yellow roman candles exploding like spiders across the stars..."
ionysis and JimB -- just wanted to say "thanks" for the spot on advice. While I've not been focusing on it at all, (keeping things light and pressure-free, while keeping busy with other things going on in my life) it seems to be sinking in -- at least he's taking initiative -- seemingly more each day -- which I'm enjoying, especially because it's not expected.
We'll see what happens, but I'm still glad I showed my hand, so to speak, and even more glad that I didn't press the issue afterward. It makes his recent actions that much more authentic rather than simply trying to placate me, which I appreciate.
Yea! On both the initial discussion and the follow up.
I think realizing that you need to have those conversations to feel that you have expressed your needs and how you want to feel valued - even if it may mean the end of a relationship - is a HUGE step and can only lead to positive things!
I think hat to have those conversations everyday is too much but to do a periodic gut check and get it out there if necessary!
I am also glad to see that you see it being effective - always nice to know that heartfelt outpouring was heard and somehow absorbed!
"Remember you are dealing with a MAN. It might take a few months to sink in."
No truer words - with great respect for the male of our species though - I am beginning to realize more and more how sometimes the cavemen's gruntings might have been more effective than all the words we use everyday - simple, basic, and constructive