daryl
Junior Member
Posts: 60
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Post by daryl on Mar 18, 2009 16:00:31 GMT -5
I think that i have moved on quite a bit since my ex and i parted ways -apart from days that i just seem down and get to thinking about "why me" I have been a good father to my daughter and have done as much as i could under the circumstances to a point that my daughter stays with me regularly and loves being with me. I pay my ex monthly and provide for my daughter over and above payment to her.
My ex is never at home and is gone for 4 - and sometimes 6-7 days in a row and my daughter stays with me as i take it upon myself to pick her up so that she does not have to stay with a stranger that is paid to look after her until ex gets back. The ex has never been around when she gets sick or when my baba needs a doctor nor does she take time to interact whith baba when she is around as she says she has jetlag and sleeps for more than 15 hour at a time when back and when she is finally up and about is running around with buddies whilst baba is with the nanny.
So when she told me that people around her think that i am a bad and useless father as i do nothing for my daughter because i told her that i cannot give her more money, it really reallllllllly made my blood boil over and i think that steam was coming out of my ears and then goes on to say that she thinks that i am manipulating my daughter in some way because my daughter prefers to be with me rather than my ex. Sometimes it seems no matter what one does , the manipulator still wins the day via propoganda. It just made me feel as if this woman wants to hurt me and scar me emotionally as much as possible no matter what i do to be civil toward her and loving toward my daughter
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blu
Full Member
Posts: 145
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Post by blu on Mar 19, 2009 9:47:41 GMT -5
Daryl she is broken and irrational - this is where I find it really helpful to "consider the source" and remember the immortal words of my grandmother - "what other people say and think about me is none of my business"!!
Truly stop listening to the crap. I know it hurts! I still fall into this same trap with the worlds most dysfunctional ex-inlaws sometimes! Honestly you know what is in your heart and what the score is - so ignore her crap and keep taking take of your child and yourself!
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Post by redskyatnight on Mar 19, 2009 10:04:58 GMT -5
My ex in-laws think I am devil spawn. They have been fed lies and half-truths and believe what they want to believe. I could care less what they think and don't talk to them at all.
You have to put aside what your ex says about you. She could be making up all kinds of crud just to see you boil or to manipulate you. Your actions speak much louder than words; although, it does take a little longer for actions to make the truth known. Once the truth is known, however, it's gravity is stronger than any words your ex has to say. People will come to recognize the truth and all you have to do is be yourself, don't do anything stupid, and keep the best interests of your child in mind.
My ex spun all kinds of lies about me. Parents at my kid's school talked to me politely, but the rapport was gone. Now, a few years later, I have parents coming up to me and asking how I put up with his crazy ways for so long. He has earned the nickname "Crazy 'his name'" I've heard, from people I don't know well, say, "no wonder you divorced him."
It takes time, but my reputation is solid because of my actions. His is dirt because of his actions. As the saying goes, "Actions speak louder than words."
Just keep being a good dad and let her dig her own grave.
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daryl
Junior Member
Posts: 60
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Post by daryl on Mar 19, 2009 17:42:14 GMT -5
You are so correct blu by one falling into this trap.I knew that i was open for this type of situation but was unprepared for the rubbish she said as i thought that she had stopped bad mouthing me as it has been over two years now so was so taken aback by the comments she made and it does hurt even when you are prepared for anything if you walk into the lions den. It hurts because one knows how hard they have been trying under the most difficult of circumstances.She does not realise that i dont even go on holidays just so that my daughter knows that dad wont go away for more than a day without coming back.
It is so strange that you say that people will eventually start to see the truth Redskyatnight because she has had huge fights with the freinds that have been closest to her and they do not talk anymore.These are the people that were by her side when our breakup was fresh. She apparantly had screaming matches between them and how do i know this is because the lady that looks after my daughter confides in me and not because i tried to befriend this lady but because my ex apparently treats her like a slave. This woman cannot even sleep on the bed when she is there and is ordered on the floor by my ex. Yet my ex does not realise that if you treat this person badly then they would take it out on my daughter when my ex is not around as my daughter cannot really talk yet. Some people just dont see that a little respect and care towards others can go a long way.People are actually beginning to see for themselves all that i went through with my ex yet believed her lies at the time. I really dont know what happened to her and where she got lost along the way.
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Post by rocko on Mar 20, 2009 12:54:41 GMT -5
She expects the caretaker to sleep on the floor?!? Why would you treat another human that way? Especially someone you trust enough to care for your child. I don't want someone else sleeping in MY bed, but I would provide some type of sleeping arrangements if I could afford a caretaker.
People work harder and do a better job if they are happy.
Sorry she is being evil toward you. Just keep up the good work with your daughter and ignore her.
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Post by freckles on Mar 20, 2009 14:22:20 GMT -5
They have *Air Mattress at Wal-Mart
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daryl
Junior Member
Posts: 60
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Post by daryl on Mar 21, 2009 9:41:10 GMT -5
Yes she treats people like dirt,they smile at her face and she does not realise that they have daggers pointing at her back.It is not my job to protect her against herself anymore ,she has to realise lifes lessons on her own. My job is to protect my daughter and not bother about how she conducts her life anymore.I have organised a job for her helpers brother to make up for what my ex puts her thru and tried to make sure she treats my daughter well.Its all i can do for the moment to counteract my ex and her narsisistic attitude toward people. Strange as it may sound though,i think that i have a good chance to get custody as i now have eye witness reports of her behaviour in the home from her employees ,both current and previous.She fires a nanny a month maybe two. It is certainly not stability for my daughter. However the way the law works in this country,just being a man puts me at a disadvantage imediatley,then to prove incompetence is difficult. I have a good chance of winning but if i dont then my ex would immediatley restrict access and i just dont want to take that chance. By the way ,she has two bedrooms and two beds.The lady that looks after my daughter sleeps in one bedroom but is not allowed to sleep on the bed.I told the nanny that she should just sleep on the bed as i bought the bed and if my ex says anything then she should just say that i told her to sleep on the bed but she is too afraid.
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