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Post by johnsgirl on Apr 1, 2009 8:05:59 GMT -5
Lately I feel as if I'm losing my mind regarding my relationship......
We have been together for 2 years, things have been great, no real complaints except for the fact that we never discuss the future, nor do we ever say "I love you".
Up until now, this never bothered me. I suppose that lately I have been thinking about our future together and where this relationship is heading and sadly, I know where I want it to go, yet I haven't any idea where he wants it to go. I know that I have to discuss this with him if I want an answer.....I am unsure how to do this. I don't want to sound like a pushy insecure brat.
Any suggestions?
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Post by JimB on Apr 1, 2009 9:16:37 GMT -5
Worry less about how you might appear if you ask questions, and more about getting the answers you need. Bear in mind that the only person who can judge you if you ask is him, and if he makes you feel like a "pushy insecure brat", then that in itself provides you with some answers about where this relationship is going.
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Post by shattered on Apr 1, 2009 11:14:23 GMT -5
This is a sad, sad commentary of the state of modern relations between the sexes.
Women (johnsgirl, you aren't the only one, by far) worry about being called pushy, needy, insecure, etc., etc. because they want to have some idea of where a relationship is headed!!!
If this is progress, beam me back to the 50s, ASAP.
Honey, ditto on what JimB said.
There is *nothing* even remotely pushy, insecure, or bratty (I don't even get that one) about asking a man you've spent the past two years of your life with, where he sees this relationship going.
Assuming you don't want to turn into one of those women who dates the same guy for 10 years or longer hoping he'll some day pop the question, you need to find out what the deal is with this guy.
He may tell you he's not "ready," needs more time, etc. etc. etc. But I think you'll be able to tell what the deal is. You may not like his answer, but better to find out now, than invest another two years of your life before finding out.
Yes, everyone takes different amount of time -- but we're talking two years here, not two weeks or two months.
I'm also assuming you're not teenagers anymore, in which case a two-year relationship downright requires some clarification.
Good luck, honey.
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Post by jules on Apr 1, 2009 14:11:36 GMT -5
Wow. You are a patient woman. Two years without ever discussing the state of the relationship? I wouldn't be able to last two months.
What is pushy and insecure about wanting to know his opinion and thoughts and feelings?
Figure out what you want, and find out if it matches what he wants. If so, great. If not, well you have some decisions to make -- but at least they will be informed decisions.
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Post by rocko on Apr 1, 2009 14:28:36 GMT -5
I dont' think as long as you approach the conversation in a non demanding way that he could call you pushy unless he is just not that committed. I would not do the "we need to talk" routine, but maybe a snuggly time where do you see us a year from now, two years from now type of discussion.
I am such a talker when it comes to my thoughts and feelings with my husband I can't imagine holding it all in like that.
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Post by shattered on Apr 1, 2009 14:50:19 GMT -5
I dont' think as long as you approach the conversation in a non demanding way that he could call you pushy unless he is just not that committed. I would not do the "we need to talk" routine, but maybe a snuggly time where do you see us a year from now, two years from now type of discussion. I am such a talker when it comes to my thoughts and feelings with my husband I can't imagine holding it all in like that. Excellent point. Avoid "we need to talk." Also, and I know this can be hard -- try not to let yourself sound like you're imposing on him by asking. I.e., don't act apologetic in any way. You're not asking him for any special favor. Other than that, how you say it is up to your personal style. You could start by telling him where you would like the relationship to go and then ask him whether he feels the same way. Expressing your feelings to him is NOT needy. Or, you could simply start out with something like, "Honey, I know I've never asked you this before, but I'd really love to know how you feel about us longterm/where you see us one or two years from now."
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