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Post by lostteacher on Jan 15, 2008 22:17:15 GMT -5
so i've been doing some chatting on a dating site. and i just was wondering.... i don't know how forward i should be. there are a few guys i've been talking to off and on for a bit. and i don't know if i should take an initiative and ask them out for a drink.
just kind of playing it by ear right now...and seeing where it goes.
LT
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Post by AngelBaby on Jan 15, 2008 22:20:09 GMT -5
Take the initiative girl! The worst they can say is no. Which I know would suck, but seriously.......what's it gonna hurt? In my experience, some guys like it when you take that initial step....I know J did.
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Post by cdngurl on Jan 16, 2008 9:14:35 GMT -5
Hi LT,
I'd do as angelbaby says - take the initiative and ask them for a coffee. My reasoning behind this is a bit different though -- I know I really disliked "wasting" a lot of internet chat time with someone who I would end up not attracted to. There's so much to attraction - but in person tells you so much (if they are truthful about their photo - if they bathe -- lol) You know what I mean right?
Sneaky me would ask them for a coffee, explaining that you really like to meet people in person after you feel comfortable with them "online".
That's just my 2 cents - offered with a grain of salt of course.
Now - after the coffee - it's time to let them know if you had a good time or not - and to ask them to call you if you would like them to.... and then THEY need to call. (Advice from the book "He's just not that into you" - very very good advice for the most part)
Have fun on your dates! ;D
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Post by gdgross on Jan 16, 2008 13:34:17 GMT -5
Now - after the coffee - it's time to let them know if you had a good time or not - and to ask them to call you if you would like them to.... and then THEY need to call. +1. If I'm interested I call. Most of the time, it's really that simple. Also agree on the taking the initiative thing. Sometimes you just don't see what there is to see until we meet in real life. In my experience, it's really hard to tell if I'm attracted to someone just from online interchanges. So ask him out and see if there's anything there!
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Post by lqdKaos on Jan 16, 2008 17:10:11 GMT -5
Just ask. Dont worry about seeming forward. You are just asking them out for a drink. If they say no...Fack It. Who cares. Life does go on even after someone says no to you.
I have been turned down way more times than I can count. It doesnt hamper me in the least.
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Post by RO on Jan 16, 2008 17:29:52 GMT -5
I would agree... Make the first move... Ask them to coffee or a drink or lunch... See how that goes... Whats it going to hurt? At least than you will know if there was a connection and who knows... Its a big wide world out there. Worse case scenario...they say no or you could make a new friend out of it.
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Post by jules on Jan 17, 2008 2:50:26 GMT -5
According to "The Rules" it's a no no. However, I've never held much stock in following rules... At the same time, it does set the tone as to if you are the pursuer or the pursuee. Just a matter of preference, I guess. Not that I know anything about this subject, so don't mind me.
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Post by RO on Jan 17, 2008 13:26:02 GMT -5
According to "The Rules" it's a no no. However, I've never held much stock in following rules... At the same time, it does set the tone as to if you are the pursuer or the pursuee. Just a matter of preference, I guess. Not that I know anything about this subject, so don't mind me. jules- i'll be honest...i have NEVER asked anyone out... I have always been the one that was pursued...but at the New Year...I decided that I wanted things to be different. So, if I come across someone that I find interesting...I may seize the opportunity. I honestly don't know how guys do it...
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Post by Dave on Jan 17, 2008 18:10:27 GMT -5
[quote \ I honestly don't know how guys do it... Me neither. I think that's why the douche bags are always so popular. They ask.
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Post by RO on Jan 17, 2008 20:58:32 GMT -5
[quote \ I honestly don't know how guys do it... Me neither. I think that's why the douche bags are always so popular. They ask. You could be on to something there...
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Post by lostteacher on Jan 18, 2008 22:35:21 GMT -5
well....i've been sort of putting it out there. i asked what he was up to this weekend, and he was quite busy. but then he said that there was bound to be some time in there. but now we've been playing tag online.
so tonite i sent him my msn, and my phone. i guess it's wait and see now.
LT
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Post by gdgross on Jan 19, 2008 19:07:53 GMT -5
i guess it's wait and see now. Yes indeed.
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Post by Kim Possible on Jan 20, 2008 8:20:18 GMT -5
It's very easy to get caught in the endless back-and-forth banter online, where it really seems to lead to nowhere. I think half of the guys (and girls, to be fair) that do this are just looking to see how long they can hold on to you; and perhaps keep you on the back burner (in case the one they are pursuing doesn't work out). Okay, I can appreciate the need to have a plan B, but it does get annoying after a while. I agree with CDN, cut to the chase, no wasting time getting to know someone in a cyber way, that may be very different in person.
If they say no, or stall and string you along, move on (or at least don't put all your eggs in that basket).
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Post by rocko on Jan 21, 2008 10:11:34 GMT -5
My husband got my phone number from a mutual friend. Once he finally called (he waited two weeks-that is the rule, right? ) we talked on the phone everyday for almost a month. I was waiting for him to ask to meet me. Finally one day I gave in and just told him, "hey I am going to the movies, if you wanna meet me I will see you there." He had 15 minutes to get ready and get there. He did. With the exception of business trips (2) and one trip I took without him we have been together every day since then. His reason for not asking me ( he told me this a few weeks later) was that he really liked talking to me and was afraid that we wouldn't be physically compatable so he was putting it off. He knew I had never dated someone shorter than me, too. Anyway, what do you have to lose.
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Post by lostteacher on Mar 5, 2008 0:51:35 GMT -5
so i was chatting mainly to one guy online. we got along really well, and it seemed to being going well. so he finally asked if i would be interested in going out sometime. so i said yes, gave a few dates.
well....i didn't hear from him for a week. finally he emailed, apologized, said he was sick, and just overwhelmed with the sickness, his daughter and work. but said that he would call.
that was two weeks ago.
totally sucks....because i think i could have liked him.
oh well.....next!!
LT
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