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Post by finding on Jan 3, 2008 17:48:17 GMT -5
My youngest is a momma's boy, a total opposite of his older brother. If B hurts himself he will just wince and I don't dare come near him because he doesn't want the comforting, he'll just shake it off. When he busted his knee open and needed stitches last year he insisted on watching the dr stitch it up.
J on the other hand freaks if tweezers even come near him to remove a splinter and every little scratch needs a kiss and a bandaid. He will whine and sniffle and make a big production over it.
He's a very emotional boy, and I don't want to squash him, but how do I get him to toughen up? I'm afraid as he gets older he's going to be teased because he is so sensitive.
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Post by blazinheart on Jan 3, 2008 18:04:12 GMT -5
My youngest is a momma's boy, a total opposite of his older brother. If B hurts himself he will just wince and I don't dare come near him because he doesn't want the comforting, he'll just shake it off. When he busted his knee open and needed stitches last year he insisted on watching the dr stitch it up. J on the other hand freaks if tweezers even come near him to remove a splinter and every little scratch needs a kiss and a bandaid. He will whine and sniffle and make a big production over it. He's a very emotional boy, and I don't want to squash him, but how do I get him to toughen up? I'm afraid as he gets older he's going to be teased because he is so sensitive. Well, I suggest not participating in his productions. When he gets hurt, he needs to learn to pick himself up and face the situation on his own. I know it's hard for a mother to turn away and pretend to ignore her child when they appear in pain, but as man, as an uncle, I know that boys need to be told to "wipe yourself off and keep trucking". The bottomline is, you teach your son how to react. If his reactions are over the top and overly dramatic, as they seem to be, you need to teach him otherwise. Teach him to accept and deal with pain, not be overcome by it.
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Post by finding on Jan 3, 2008 18:28:07 GMT -5
I have been trying that and thought I had been making progress. I use "It's not that bad, shake it off" and go about my business. He doesn't care for it, and usually sulks a bit.
He seems to have gotten worse lately though. He threw himself on the floor Christmas Eve Day in a major meltdown because I he had split his fingernail and I pulled it off instead of making it into a big deal. There is no way it hurt because it was only the top layer and it wasn't connected to any skin.
He got pissed later when his brother took his french fries and I wouldn't do anything about it. I just told him that if he wanted them back to go get them. It ended with him laying on the floor sniffling about it. I didn't step in, he needs to figure things out for himself.
I won't even go into what happens when he thinks I am leaving him with someone. My parents almost didn't take him this last time because of how he reacts.
I feel like it is a losing battle, no matter what I try it doesn't seem to get through to him.
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Post by wizer on Jan 3, 2008 18:34:50 GMT -5
he had split his fingernail and I pulled it off instead of making it into a big deal. There is no way it hurt because it was only the top layer and it wasn't connected to any skin. When you yanked it off, did the cuticle come with it? That could hurt.
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Post by blazinheart on Jan 3, 2008 18:36:32 GMT -5
I have been trying that and thought I had been making progress. I use "It's not that bad, shake it off" and go about my business. He doesn't care for it, and usually sulks a bit. He seems to have gotten worse lately though. He threw himself on the floor Christmas Eve Day in a major meltdown because I he had split his fingernail and I pulled it off instead of making it into a big deal. There is no way it hurt because it was only the top layer and it wasn't connected to any skin. He got pissed later when his brother took his french fries and I wouldn't do anything about it. I just told him that if he wanted them back to go get them. It ended with him laying on the floor sniffling about it. I didn't step in, he needs to figure things out for himself. I won't even go into what happens when he thinks I am leaving him with someone. My parents almost didn't take him this last time because of how he reacts. I feel like it is a losing battle, no matter what I try it doesn't seem to get through to him. Finding, let him sulk, if need be. But the tantrums aren't acceptable, imo. He should not be allowed to behave like that. If he pitches a fit or makes a big production out of something, send him to his room, discipline him. I realize that you are his only parent and you are doing the best you can. You aren't his father, you aren't a man so you wouldn't naturally know how a man would deal with his son. Personally, if my son pitched a fit, I'd spank his butt and send him to his room.
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Post by finding on Jan 3, 2008 18:48:37 GMT -5
That's a big part of the problem right there Blazin. He's never had a real male role model. His dad basically skipped out on things before his 3rd birthday.
The two role models in his life are his sister and me. That doesn't help the situation. I know I need to get tougher with him, and part of it is my fault because I let him get away with a lot when he was younger because he is the baby and he had a lot of health issues when he was younger.
I don't want the boy to grow up and be a wuss, the world is a cruel place and if he doesn't have the skills to deal with the little things he won't survive.
I guess I need to learn to be more of a man with this boy. He just confuses the hell out of me.
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Post by freckles on Jan 3, 2008 19:39:46 GMT -5
I have been trying that and thought I had been making progress. I use "It's not that bad, shake it off" and go about my business. He doesn't care for it, and usually sulks a bit. He seems to have gotten worse lately though. He threw himself on the floor Christmas Eve Day in a major meltdown because I he had split his fingernail and I pulled it off instead of making it into a big deal. There is no way it hurt because it was only the top layer and it wasn't connected to any skin. He got pissed later when his brother took his french fries and I wouldn't do anything about it. I just told him that if he wanted them back to go get them. It ended with him laying on the floor sniffling about it. I didn't step in, he needs to figure things out for himself. I won't even go into what happens when he thinks I am leaving him with someone. My parents almost didn't take him this last time because of how he reacts. I feel like it is a losing battle, no matter what I try it doesn't seem to get through to him. One of my Dads Friends had a Son that would Roll on the Floor Kicking and trowing a fit He did that when he was upset No one could do anything Then one time My Dad was there and He did that Screaming and Kicking and and Rolling on the Floor. My Dad whiped Him with the Belt From that day forward He never *Threw a Fit* and rolled on the Floor the rest of his life That was over 30 Years ago His Dad said if he had knew that would have fixed him He would have done that years ago P.S. Before everyone starts getting Mad about Spanking I was just giving Information that worked for someone , years ago I have no idea what will work with any kid at any given time
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Post by finding on Jan 3, 2008 19:47:13 GMT -5
he had split his fingernail and I pulled it off instead of making it into a big deal. There is no way it hurt because it was only the top layer and it wasn't connected to any skin. When you yanked it off, did the cuticle come with it? That could hurt. Missed this earlier, hell no. If the piece of nail had been attached to any skin I wouldn't have pulled it off, I would have used clippers to trim it down. The top layer of the nail split at the tip.
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Post by blazinheart on Jan 3, 2008 20:07:16 GMT -5
I guess I need to learn to be more of a man with this boy. I think this sums it up quite well. You know, more and more, our society is glorifying single motherhood. You've got all these celebrity women getting pregnant because they happen to want children at the moment. Thing is, they obviously haven't thought enough about the fact that their child is going to be growing up without their father in the home, and the child will suffer for this. I don't care what anyone says, not having a father figure while growing up has a huge effect on children, especially boys. Boys become men and they need a man to look to who can show them how to become a man, what it means to be a man, how to act like a man. So yes finding, you do have to be the father too, for the time being, as hard as that may be. You'll have to turn your motherly instincts off from time to time and deal out the tough love. The more you can do this, the more your son will learn to be less emotional and more objective about things.
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Post by freckles on Jan 3, 2008 20:12:41 GMT -5
On the Discovery Channel it says that Elaphant Males go Insane if they dont have a Older Male to teach them how to act
How a Male elepant should act
Without the Older Male
they go Wild and do bad
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Post by finding on Jan 3, 2008 20:14:26 GMT -5
I have been trying that and thought I had been making progress. I use "It's not that bad, shake it off" and go about my business. He doesn't care for it, and usually sulks a bit. He seems to have gotten worse lately though. He threw himself on the floor Christmas Eve Day in a major meltdown because I he had split his fingernail and I pulled it off instead of making it into a big deal. There is no way it hurt because it was only the top layer and it wasn't connected to any skin. He got pissed later when his brother took his french fries and I wouldn't do anything about it. I just told him that if he wanted them back to go get them. It ended with him laying on the floor sniffling about it. I didn't step in, he needs to figure things out for himself. I won't even go into what happens when he thinks I am leaving him with someone. My parents almost didn't take him this last time because of how he reacts. I feel like it is a losing battle, no matter what I try it doesn't seem to get through to him. One of my Dads Friends had a Son that would Roll on the Floor Kicking and trowing a fit He did that when he was upset No one could do anything Then one time My Dad was there and He did that Screaming and Kicking and and Rolling on the Floor. My Dad whiped Him with the Belt From that day forward He never *Threw a Fit* and rolled on the Floor the rest of his life That was over 30 Years ago His Dad said if he had knew that would have fixed him He would have done that years ago P.S. Before everyone starts getting Mad about Spanking I was just giving Information that worked for someone , years ago I have no idea what will work with any kid at any given time Well, I don't believe with whipping with a belt, that is a bit extreme. A swat on the butt is one thing. I don't want any of my kids to ever fear me, using a belt on a child doesn't teach kids the right message. I think spanking has it's place, and is only used to get their attention and as a last resort. I.E. putting a fork in an electrical socket, running in a parking lot, biting, or something along that line. He's a sensitive kid emotionally and physically so spanking isn't really an option for him. What he really needs is the one thing I can't give him, a positive male role model.
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Post by finding on Jan 3, 2008 20:24:17 GMT -5
On the Discovery Channel it says that Elaphant Males go Insane if they dont have a Older Male to teach them how to act How a Male elepant should act Without the Older Male they go Wild and do bad That doesn't help the situation Freckles. The fact of the matter is they don't have their father, or any other male role model in their lives.
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Post by freckles on Jan 3, 2008 20:36:05 GMT -5
That doesn't help the situation Freckles. The fact of the matter is they don't have their father, or any other male role model in their lives. Then You will have to do the best you can
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Post by finding on Jan 3, 2008 20:44:10 GMT -5
I guess I need to learn to be more of a man with this boy. I think this sums it up quite well. You know, more and more, our society is glorifying single motherhood. You've got all these celebrity women getting pregnant because they happen to want children at the moment. Thing is, they obviously haven't thought enough about the fact that their child is going to be growing up without their father in the home, and the child will suffer for this. I don't care what anyone says, not having a father figure while growing up has a huge effect on children, especially boys. Boys become men and they need a man to look to who can show them how to become a man, what it means to be a man, how to act like a man. So yes finding, you do have to be the father too, for the time being, as hard as that may be. You'll have to turn your motherly instincts off from time to time and deal out the tough love. The more you can do this, the more your son will learn to be less emotional and more objective about things. I completely agree. The messages being sent sets a bad example. Studies have shown it is more likely that a child will end up in legal trouble when a child is raised in a single parent home, especially when it is a single mother. It is what it is, my question is how do I do this? I want to nurture his creative spirit, but how do I do the other side of the coin?
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Post by blazinheart on Jan 3, 2008 20:46:04 GMT -5
Well, I don't believe with whipping with a belt, that is a bit extreme. A swat on the butt is one thing. I don't want any of my kids to ever fear me, using a belt on a child doesn't teach kids the right message. I think spanking has it's place, and is only used to get their attention and as a last resort. I.E. putting a fork in an electrical socket, running in a parking lot, biting, or something along that line. He's a sensitive kid emotionally and physically so spanking isn't really an option for him. What he really needs is the one thing I can't give him, a positive male role model. My dad never used a belt, but he never needed to, he hand was strong. Finding, the fact that he is sensitive is beside the point. He still needs to be disciplined and taught that certain behaviors are simply unacceptable.
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