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Post by rocko on Jan 21, 2008 14:26:37 GMT -5
You definately deserve to be happy. I am a better parent when I am happy.
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Post by goods on Jan 22, 2008 8:08:55 GMT -5
Absolutely... I seem to remember being a pain in the ass, at age 10, myself when my mom was dating... I got over it. I will say that it gave my mom a chance to see how whoever she was seeing would handle the situation. She married a psychologist and they have been together for over 25 years. Maybe a chat with the family is in order, I request not to tell the kids that you are on a "date".
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enigma
New Member
I will lift up mine eyes unto the hills
Posts: 16
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Post by enigma on Jan 22, 2008 12:24:19 GMT -5
I'm in the minority as well, JC. I came across an essay that my daughter wrote a few years ago about her family. What she wrote about me "moving on with my own life" when I got remarried really made me take a step back and think about how it looked to her. She was hurt and she had every right to be. She didn't ask for any of this adult crap to happen. When my 2nd ex and I split up, I decided to keep as much as possible on the down low and definitely hold off on anything serious until they were old enough to accept/encourage it. They are my children and they come first. It's really not hard, once I had it in perspective. You absolutely deserve to be happy. It's dangerous to believe that your happiness revolves around being with someone else, though. Some of us have reached the end of that hard road, where we are perfectly happy without a SO. It's pretty cool, if you ask me. We're all different, though, and some people feel better when they are coupled up. I hope you don't end up resenting your children because of their reactions, though. They're just being kids who love their parents and want them all to themselves. That's a good thing! Whatever you do, I wish you much luck and happiness. ;D
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Post by rocko on Jan 22, 2008 13:59:14 GMT -5
I can be very happy on my own, but I am happier with my husband than I was single. I was content alone though.
The kids are happier, too. They love having a guy around to look up to.
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Post by hoodieprincess on Jan 22, 2008 16:40:39 GMT -5
Thanks again everyone. I am not a person who thinks I have to have a man to be happy. I have learned to be happy on my own and enjoy my time that I get my kids all to myself. Just the same, that doesn't change some of the overall things I want for my life. Really, my kids come first and I know that my hopes and dreams may have to sit on the back burner. I'll deal with that. I just don't think it's too much for me to want for myself either. My parents divorced when I was young. My mom met an amazing man and they've been married for 22 years. I remember being happy for her. I remember being happy for all of us really. I am having a hard time relating to the feelings she's having and I am doing my best to understand. I don't think she should have to feel anger or resentment. I know she never asked to lose the man I was married or have to deal with all the other life changes that have happened. It's weird because my best friend got married in June. Now, let me tell you, her and her children are like family to me. We spend more holidays and things with them than my own family any more it seems. The man she married is amazing and just came in and accepted her children as his own as well as accepting me and my kids as family as well. When they got married, L was excited and went on and on about how she wanted me to find someone like that. She wanted someone like that for me, her, and T. It's been pretty sudden that she seems to have resorted to this way of rationalizing that I have had two kids with two people and I don't need another man around. She's never known a time her dad and I were even together as we split before I ever knew I was pregnant with her. I really want to find a way to understand where she is coming from and until I can work with her and get that far, I know I can't introduce another person into her life. I just don't know how to ever get there. I do think I need to talk (again) to my family and suggest that they please keep my personal life out of my children's because it's not their concern at the moment. It's hard because my mom, who is my primary babysitter, feels that I should just be introducing people to my kids as my friends if I've gone out with them a few times and feel like they have potential. I, on the other hand, would rather keep people out of their lives unless it seems certain to me that they have serious potential to be a real relationship. I am wracking my brain in this place between wanting to date and find someone to share life with and, well, staying single for quite some time...
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Post by rocko on Jan 23, 2008 12:39:55 GMT -5
I don't think it would hurt for your children to meet more people in terms of "just friends". I Dont' mean meet every first day or anything, but bring new people around if you can even just at the playground. Make them understand that you can have "new" friends and it not take away from what you all have. It can actually add to it.
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