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Post by goods on Jan 29, 2008 11:20:52 GMT -5
Again I thought he was asking opinions.... I didn't realize coming into the thread and saying... I have an opinion but you should just do what you think is best for you and your family was the PC thing to say. I have an idea erf, you are a teacher, talk to fellow teachers and your school councilors, tell them the situation and get their opinions. the 'pc' thing to say? are you serious? because i am soo freakin pc. im talking about general respect. there is a way to go about telling someone that you think what they are doing isnt the best thing, and you were way of the mark. why are you getting so worked up?
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Post by lumpy on Jan 29, 2008 11:26:00 GMT -5
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JC
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Post by JC on Jan 29, 2008 11:26:16 GMT -5
im not bashing anyone for not agreeing.
goods came out VERY strong, and i think it is ridiculous for ANYONE to assume whats best for another persons kids especially in such an accusing manor. i would have done that no matter what my stance was on the issue PERIOD. you dont tell someone what they are doing with their children could harm them is bad for them whatever.
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Post by Dave on Jan 29, 2008 11:28:55 GMT -5
i didn't read your links - i wanted to know if anyone had gone through a transition sometime in prepuberty like i am expecting to happen at my house sometime soon.
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Post by lumpy on Jan 29, 2008 11:35:21 GMT -5
i didn't read your links - i wanted to know if anyone had gone through a transition sometime in prepuberty like i am expecting to happen at my house sometime soon. I'm guessing you'll have to force their hand at some point. My step-daughter got in the habit of doing this before Tisa and I got together. She was dealing with the double whammy of divorce plus her father being sent to jail. I think the point made earlier about seperation anxiety is a valid one. She was deathly afraid of losing her mother as well and this manifested in her wanting to sleep in the same bed, never wanting to be left alone in a room, always wanting doors to be left open, etc.
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Post by rocko on Jan 29, 2008 11:36:46 GMT -5
I have two boys (3 actually).
Alec at age 6 months -->14 (approx) months slept with me because his father was in Iraq. Still to this day he has trouble falling asleep without someone touching him. He is 5 now. He has a stuffed animal (they rec that in some of the reading that goods posted, but I did that before reading) that helps him to fall asleep. Some nights I will let him fall asleep with me rubbing his back and then take him to his bed.
Kyle always slept in his crib or bouncer (alone). He falls to sleep and doesn't need snuggling. He does have night terrors, but this is not related.
You are past the point of predeciding. They may have trouble adjusting, but at this point (considering their ages) should consider slowing getting them back into their own beds.
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Post by rocko on Jan 29, 2008 11:38:13 GMT -5
im not bashing anyone for not agreeing. goods came out VERY strong, and i think it is ridiculous for ANYONE to assume whats best for another persons kids especially in such an accusing manor. i would have done that no matter what my stance was on the issue PERIOD. you dont tell someone what they are doing with their children could harm them is bad for them whatever. erf did ask for an opinion of this subject. He does not have to do as goods thinks he should do, but that does not change that erf asked for opinions ON THE SUBJECT OF HIS CHILDREN
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Post by cdngurl on Jan 29, 2008 11:40:11 GMT -5
my girls (8 and 10) will sleep in my bed every night if I let them, and I tend to let them about 75% of the time. I have been working under the assumption that they will decide when it isn't cool anymore. I don't see any problem other than societal perceptions. However, given my profession this could be a real concern. My thoughts - you might want to encourage them to co-sleep with each other. If you are afraid there could be an impact on you professionally, based on societal perceptions, sadly, it might be the time to "cut the cord". I have a friend with 4 children, ranging from 5 -14. They bed hop, either with each other, or the parents. Whatever brings them comfort. The older ones have naturally "weaned" themselves from the parental bed and now nurture the younger ones. This works for them. Best of luck on your journey finding what works for you.
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Post by goods on Jan 29, 2008 11:41:24 GMT -5
i'm not saying you don't know anything - I am asking for specific knowledge which you have not given. I don't think. erf not to bash you too much more BUT you say that I haven't given specific knowledge... then you say you didn't even read the links?
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JC
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Post by JC on Jan 29, 2008 11:44:57 GMT -5
im not bashing anyone for not agreeing. goods came out VERY strong, and i think it is ridiculous for ANYONE to assume whats best for another persons kids especially in such an accusing manor. i would have done that no matter what my stance was on the issue PERIOD. you dont tell someone what they are doing with their children could harm them is bad for them whatever. erf did ask for an opinion of this subject. He does not have to do as goods thinks he should do, but that does not change that erf asked for opinions ON THE SUBJECT OF HIS CHILDREN there is a difference between giving advice and outright telling someone they are doing something wrong with their children.
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Post by jules on Jan 29, 2008 11:49:42 GMT -5
erf, just a thought -- have you discussed with your daughters why they prefer sleeping in your bed vs. their own? Such a discussion might give you some insight as to if there are issues such as insecurity or codependence that ought to be addressed, or if it's simply a matter of enjoying that time together as a family.
Also it may be good to think about your own reasons as to why you prefer sleeping with them and if perhaps it is to ease loneliness or provide comfort to you. (Not saying it is the case with you in particular -- but in some cases of parents sleeping with children, particularly single parents, it may be.)
If after these discussions (with yourself and your daughters) you are confident that there are no issues of codependence or insecurity or fears of abandonment or anything like that, I see no reason why sharing a family bed could be in any way harmful as long as all parties involved are ok with it and doing so for healthy reasons. This is a controversial issue, but I think that as long as parent and children are happy and healthy, each family ought to do what is best for them as a family unit and individual members of that family.
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Post by wizer on Jan 29, 2008 11:51:32 GMT -5
On a related note, showering with children should be discontinued by the age of 18, which is considered adulthood.
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Post by Dave on Jan 29, 2008 11:52:43 GMT -5
i'm not saying you don't know anything - I am asking for specific knowledge which you have not given. I don't think. erf not to bash you too much more BUT you say that I haven't given specific knowledge... then you say you didn't even read the links? I wanted personal anecdotal info, not science. I'm not interested in studies that attempt explain behavior after the fact. I do not have much faith in the psychological profession. I would tend to give more weight to a mother or father's experience than to a study by some PhD's and grad students.
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Post by Dave on Jan 29, 2008 11:53:52 GMT -5
On a related note, showering with children should be discontinued by the age of 18, which is considered adulthood. I think that is when it become legal, doc.
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JC
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Post by JC on Jan 29, 2008 11:55:40 GMT -5
erf, just a thought -- have you discussed with your daughters why they prefer sleeping in your bed vs. their own? Such a discussion might give you some insight as to if there are issues such as insecurity or codependence that ought to be addressed, or if it's simply a matter of enjoying that time together as a family. Also it may be good to think about your own reasons as to why you prefer sleeping with them and if perhaps it is to ease loneliness or provide comfort to you. (Not saying it is the case with you in particular -- but in some cases of parents sleeping with children, particularly single parents, it may be.) If after these discussions (with yourself and your daughters) you are confident that there are no issues of codependence or insecurity or fears of abandonment or anything like that, I see no reason why sharing a family bed could be in any way harmful as long as all parties involved are ok with it and doing so for healthy reasons. This is a controversial issue, but I think that as long as parent and children are happy and healthy, each family ought to do what is best for them as a family unit and individual members of that family. OMG i agree with *gasp* jules! ;D
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