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Post by Saucy on Jan 29, 2008 12:46:53 GMT -5
What independance does sleeping with their parents teach kids? 8 and 10 are too big to be sleeping with parents erf. i really can't believe you and everybody else can't see the big problem here. THey are old enough to comprehend independancy. Especially if thier girls. THey need to be independant or start learning about independancy.
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Post by Dave on Jan 29, 2008 12:53:18 GMT -5
how is sleeping with me hurting their independance?
They make meals (mostly french toast and grilled cheese, but still) they walk home from school (three blocks) and serve themselves a snack before I get home. They are smart, well adjusted at at the heads of their classes. They ride their bikes to the park and to friends' houses in the summer. Each of them have thier own hobbies and interests.
Yet, their sleeping in my bed two to three nights a week is going to make them dependant? I don't follow this logic at all.
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Post by finding on Jan 29, 2008 12:57:54 GMT -5
My kids are 12, 10, and 6 (girl and boys respectively).
All three of them share my bed more often than not anymore. I know my story is more complex than others, but this started after their dad's death and the move.
It doesn't bother me unless I don't get a decent night's sleep, and yes, my 12 year old has started puberty.
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Post by wizer on Jan 29, 2008 12:59:44 GMT -5
I don't think occasionally sleeping with parents has anything to do with independence. I agree that there is flawed logic there. But again, 10 is about the upper limit even though my youngest slept with me until she was closer to 11. If for nothing else, possible legal problems and allegations of abuse.
Finding, your children are not typical because of their autism, so that's not really a good example.
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Post by murdock on Jan 29, 2008 13:04:34 GMT -5
I think that this is a family decision. I have known couples that have had a "family bed" and had all the kids sleep in the same room night after night. I personally could not do this. For one, I can't sleep with little fat toes in my face all night and secondly I believe that parents need intimacy. When the children have completely taken over the parents bed, how can a couple be intimate?
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Post by finding on Jan 29, 2008 13:04:59 GMT -5
My oldest isn't autistic, she sleeps in my bed frequently. Granted it didn't start until after her dad died and the move happened.
And that was rather discriminatory there idoc. Autistic kids are like any other kid in a lot of areas.
Before this mess happened the only times the kids would crawl into bed with me was either when they were sick or had a bad dream.
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Post by Saucy on Jan 29, 2008 13:06:28 GMT -5
First off erf, You are a GREAT father for loving and supporting your girls. and..
That is fabulous that they are self-sufficient. But don't you feel that if they could make their own meals and walk themselves home from school, they're old enough to go to bed independantly? Or maybe your bed is more comfy than theirs.
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Post by Saucy on Jan 29, 2008 13:13:06 GMT -5
i guess you'll just have to wait and see how it will affect their lives later on. and hopefully we're all still around to hear how that works out for you erf.
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Post by Dave on Jan 29, 2008 13:14:34 GMT -5
i know they CAN sleep in their own bed, but they say my bed is more comfortable, I disagree - there have been times that they both crawled in so instead of moving them I would go into their room myself. I like their beds. I think they just like being close to dad.
I guess what Iam saying here, saucy, is that if they are being encouraged to be independant in all other areas of their lives how is this one area going to undermine all that, or is that not what you are saying?
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Post by Saucy on Jan 29, 2008 13:15:01 GMT -5
at what age is it not okay for a daughter to sleep in the same bed as her father? in my opinion, no age is okay for their children to be sleeping with their parents if they have their own beds.
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Post by Saucy on Jan 29, 2008 13:20:05 GMT -5
i know they CAN sleep in their own bed, but they say my bed is more comfortable, I disagree - there have been times that they both crawled in so instead of moving them I would go into their room myself. I like their beds. I think they just like being close to dad. I guess what Iam saying here, saucy, is that if they are being encouraged to be independant in all other areas of their lives how is this one area going to undermine all that, or is that not what you are saying? okay, what age do YOU feel is appropriate to kick them out of your own bed erf?
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Post by Dave on Jan 29, 2008 13:20:19 GMT -5
in my opinion, no age is okay for their children to be sleeping with their parents if they have their own beds. why? My youngest daughter slept with my ex and i for over a year while she was breastfeeding. Sometimes she was in a bassinet next to the bed, but almost always in our room. I actually had a guy (a preacher) tell me that the youngest should kick the next youngest out of the parental bed when he/she is born. Not opposed to that, but wasn't for us.
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Post by Dave on Jan 29, 2008 13:25:37 GMT -5
i am under the assumption that they will decide. I suspect the oldest will be within the next year (around 11). I kind of look at each night she sleeps with me as a bonus right now.
However, if my daughter came to me asking to crawl into my bed when she was 17 i would have a hard time refusing. She's my daughter, man.
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Post by goods on Jan 29, 2008 13:30:49 GMT -5
So you were thinking this might not be right and just wanted people to tell you it was? Have you talked about this with your fellow teachers? School councilors? WHY NOT?
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Post by wizer on Jan 29, 2008 13:48:31 GMT -5
And that was rather discriminatory there idoc. Autistic kids are like any other kid in a lot of areas. I thought they were all developmentally delayed, and if so, it would be reasonable to subtract a few years from their chronological ages when determining the milestones of growth. I forgot your daughter is not autistic. Well, your kids have been through a bit more than what is typical, especially recently, so that's an exception for sure.
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